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Original poster

Grey area of group holiday finances

364 replies

Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 09:35

Hey.
Looking to see what is considered 'fair' from external perspective.

Ive gota holiday cottage booked for three nights. Fr Sa Su.
Invited friends (two couples).
It sleeps 6.
So theres me and my partner, and then two other couples invited.

We posted in a group chat saying how much it would be each if they wanted to come.
We have done it so that its a set amount, as the cost of the cottage is fixed as booked already and non refundable.

We said it would be 110 each for them.
For my partner and i we decided we would pay a bit more (124).

After posting in the group, one of the other couples want to pay less as they dont want to stay the third night.
They want to pay 2/3 of the cost of 1/6 of the total (if that makes sense).

Its tricky for what is fair. As if they pay 80 instead each, then it means its 200+ each for my partner and I.

Its this wanting to pay for how much someone will be present at the property vs there is already a fixed cost.

Obviously it benefits them to pay less. And us if they pay more.

I don't feel its entirely fair that we would have to pay 3* the amount they pay, for choosing to stay an extra night.
They also will benefit from not having to check out at 10am on the Sunday, which would be the case should the cottage have been booked fri and sat only.

There was no clear consultation in making the booking, we did it after having had a few casual chats about the weekend but not with group consensus. As we are attending an event and the local accommodation had sold out. This one place came up months after so we just booked it.
Hence why we offered it for being cheaper for them.
We didnt know how long they would stay, but they had the option to decide what works best.

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 13:40

Its just down to values.

I know theyre not poor.
I know their incomes are considerably more than mine and my partners.

If it was the case that they were struggling, then it's different because i dont know. I would want to put someone in a situation where they couldn't afford to come. And felt awkward saying no because if it.
Tbh i think id pay or subside things.

Its when you know that its a choice
Then its up to both parties to have the rights to yes and no.
:)

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 13:38

unsync · 19/03/2024 13:35

I hate this kind of thing. It's a flat rate, should be equally divided. I bet they're the kind of people that quibble over splitting bills in a restaurant as they only had a lettuce leaf and a crust.

Yep sometimes. But they can be very very scrimpy or flat out extravagant.
I think when it comes to family or I'm still working it out.
Because they like to be seen to be generous.
But it is confusing for me this time because id see it as 'family' as theyd spend time with my partner for the weekend. Ie their family.

OP posts:
EasterBunnny · 19/03/2024 13:37

I bet they're the kind of people that quibble over splitting bills in a restaurant as they only had a lettuce leaf and a crust.

If I’d only had a lettuce leaf I wouldn’t be subbing someone’s steak and cocktails.

Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 13:36

EarthlyNightshade · 19/03/2024 13:29

You sound lovely, OP.

I think this poster is just being mean.

Show quote history

Aw thanks. Yay for niceness.

I hope im nice.
Im trying to be nice.
Im trying to be nice, reasonable, not get taken advantage of.
But equally understand if im actually being unreasonable or not being nice.

And also avoid drama.

I'd rather be called out on here and then be able to ammend my views /behaviour if they're actually inconsiderate.
Than carry forward thinking im being nice and then causing chaos and upsetting people with a tornado of ignorance.

OP posts:
unsync · 19/03/2024 13:35

I hate this kind of thing. It's a flat rate, should be equally divided. I bet they're the kind of people that quibble over splitting bills in a restaurant as they only had a lettuce leaf and a crust.

Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 13:34

Nesbi · 19/03/2024 13:25

I think with some people once they know you are on the hook for a cost their approach is that anything they offer to subsidise that is better than nothing so you should probably just accept it and be grateful!

It is a CF mentality.

Is cf= c f
And are you saying that about my approach or theirs?
Sorry im just confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 13:33

Silvers11 · 19/03/2024 13:07

@Lalalalala555

I am so sorry, they weren't even up to any kind of negotiation. Does that mean the third couple won't be able to come either, if they were relying on a lift from couple 2?

Do you have time to find other friends who might like to come instead? Or can you cancel the break and just lose your deposit? Or have you paid the whole thing already?

At least you know for future that you need to get full agreement from everyone involved, when organising anything - even with family - and then get their share of any cash before you book. Not much help now though

You were trying to be helpful and do something nice, as the cottage might have been lost if you had waited and it's backfired on you. Feel for you

Show quote history

I don't know if the other couple can come.
I hope so because theyre really nice! Maybe they will get the train and we can pick them up from somewhere.
We live at complete opposite ends of the country otherwise we'd do a detour but itd be a 12hr round trip to get them and then to the place. Its about 5hrs from them and from us.
Hope they are keen to come and we can find a way to get them there. :)

I cant cancel the break, and I don't want to because it will be really nice to have a little trip away. And ive been looking forward to it for months although only sorted somewhere to stay in the last month.
And if it works out more expensive, i knew it was a risk, but will just cut back to make up for it for a while. :)

Yeah. I might be able to get other friends to stay. Ive got lots of lovely friends so maybe someone would be keen for a trip.

Yeah, i know the wise move of agreeing on somewhere first and getting everyone to say yes and cough up.
Unfortunately it was a time sensitive thing ie i think it would have sold out before everyone had come back and said yes or no.
It wasnt a ridiculously expensive place to stay, and everyone works had good jobs and no kids. And had talked about the trip. So in theory was reasonable chance it would work out and reasonable price.

It will be okay in the end. :)
Im still going on a trip.
Just worried about family dynamics.
But hopefully people are nice.

OP posts:
EarthlyNightshade · 19/03/2024 13:29

Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 12:59

Im not sure if you're trying to be mean? But that doesn't sound particularly helpful to say to someone.

If you explain why im 'hard work' that's great because can actually learn from your perspective.

But to use a phrase that is easily interpreted as an insult. That's not very helpful.

Show quote history

You sound lovely, OP.

I think this poster is just being mean.

rookiemere · 19/03/2024 13:26

To add to previous post, if you do bite the bullet I would be insisting that they leave the cottage at 10am on Sunday as that's what they have paid for.

Nesbi · 19/03/2024 13:25

I think with some people once they know you are on the hook for a cost their approach is that anything they offer to subsidise that is better than nothing so you should probably just accept it and be grateful!

It is a CF mentality.

Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 13:25

Lazydomestic · 19/03/2024 13:24

It was always going to go downhill from there. Kiss the ground & praise the stars for having avoided a stressful weekend of counting tea bags / measuring milk / weighing coffee granules ….

That is a very good point.
I just want to relax and have fun.
:)

OP posts:
Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 13:24

Silvers11 · 19/03/2024 13:16

@Lalalalala555 Having read a further update, sounds to me like the couple who have called off are either tight or broke. Can see all kind of problems and arguments with regard to the 'shopping' for food etc. if they had come.

You may have found if they had said they would still come, that they wouldn't have wanted to pay the full share of the provisions/ or insisted on having all their own, or whatever!

Yes it's tricky. I know one of them has a very well paid job (ie over twice my salary before bonus). And the other earns more than i do.
But then theyre outgoings and expenses and living costs and just general choices on what they spend money on will be different to me.

So even if i know they earn a lot, after what they choose to allocate money to. They may not be either able or willing to pay for stuff like this.
Its just different people have different ways of living and views. And i respect that.

I am not okay with subsidising a trip away to the extent i will feel bitter.
And they're not okay to pay 100pp for 3 nights away.
Fair enough. They are not willing to come unless its 80pp.

...
The thing im not sure about is should i/we stomach the cost to keep peace and so my partner can spend time with his family.
But I do think they can afford it.
And i do think this is a choice for them. Rather than they simply cant afford it.
They choose not to afford it.

OP posts:
Lazydomestic · 19/03/2024 13:24

It was always going to go downhill from there. Kiss the ground & praise the stars for having avoided a stressful weekend of counting tea bags / measuring milk / weighing coffee granules ….

EasterBunnny · 19/03/2024 13:20

Are all 6 of you still going to the event?

rookiemere · 19/03/2024 13:19

What does your DP think ?

It does sound as if the couple have a bit of a money obsession if they only eat one meal to share when out.

If your DP really doesn't want a big family drama, a negotiated offer could be to go back and say yes to the £80pp but they take the twin room.

It's a bit rubbish but on reflection if you could have booked for two nights only and they have some sort of stinginess obsession beyond normal, then it might be worth just biting the bullet for longer term harmony.

Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 13:17

Createausername1970 · 19/03/2024 13:12

Am I understanding this correctly?

You had been having conversations about going away with friends, but nothing had been arranged with regards to dates, costs etc.

You are attending an event and need accommodation for three nights and this was the only accommodation you could get.

So you booked it as it suited your requirements.

Then you asked the others if they want to come - but one couple can't or doesn't want to use annual leave for the Monday, so they need to leave on the Sunday.

If my understanding is correct, then I can see their point of view. It's accommodation booked to suit your budget and timings, and they had no prior say in either. Just because you may have been discussing a weekend away doesn't mean one couple can randomly book somewhere with no prior agreement and expect the others to cough up.

It's okay they dont have to come.

We all talked about going months and months ago.
Everyone said yes.

We booked somewhere very fast, because when we initially looked there was no where because it was all booked.

Someone at some point must have cancelled because one place became available.
We booked it before someone else did knowing the risk.

We had all planned to go away for this trip but you know not concrete.

We booked it and then asked if they wanted to join.
We said how much it would be pp and said it would be cheaper for them.
We didnt know if they would choose or want to stay the full time.
Ie one two or three nights.

But just said how much it would be.
Then they said they want to pay less or not come.
We offered a lesser amount pp we are comfortable with.
They then said theyre not coming.

So all really fair enough.
Its fair that they can say yes or no.
It's fair that we can offer what we're comfortable with or potentially find other friends or cover the cost ourselves because we have no way to cancel.
And that is the risk we took.

We were hoping to have a four day trip away with close friends/family.
But turning out not to be what will happen.

Such is life.

OP posts:
Silvers11 · 19/03/2024 13:16

@Lalalalala555 Having read a further update, sounds to me like the couple who have called off are either tight or broke. Can see all kind of problems and arguments with regard to the 'shopping' for food etc. if they had come.

You may have found if they had said they would still come, that they wouldn't have wanted to pay the full share of the provisions/ or insisted on having all their own, or whatever!

EasterBunnny · 19/03/2024 13:15

We’ll they’ve said they’re not going now so try and look forward to the break with the other couple and ditch your twin room.

Think of it as a lesson learnt, next time check everyone is in exactly the same page before booking it.

Scaffoldingisugly · 19/03/2024 13:15

We pay per night per adult. They have a rough idea of price before booking... Never had issues... Some people are ungrateful gits.... Their loss. Have a nice trip the 2 of you!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 19/03/2024 13:14

I'd assume everyone would split things over the number of people there.
Although at restaurants, those guys like to pay for what they have only. And usually order one meal between two.

Ok, just make sure that if there is any cooking or food/drink at the cottage that you don't end up paying for all of that too, that's the point I was making.

Hopefully, now that the other couple aren't coming, you will have a great time with the couple who are going to be there.

EveryDayIsASchoolDayOnMN · 19/03/2024 13:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Well bully for you.

Unfortunately for you, this thread is not titled " What are learnandlive's friendships like?" But is about a specific situation in OP's life. For which your comments are not helpful it appears

Nesbi · 19/03/2024 13:13

You’ve offered them an accommodation option, they can either take it or leave it.

If they think they can negotiate the price below what you have said is acceptable to you then where does that end? Assuming you wouldnt let them stay there for nothing, or stay there for a fiver, then the reality is that they have to pay an amount that works for everyone.

If you have alternatives who are willing to pay then definitely explore those options (as it will be better for everyone if someone stays there for the price you asked - what you want to avoid at all costs is the room going unused for the whole weekend, as that will make everyone feel even worse!)

Original poster
Lalalalala555 · 19/03/2024 13:12

mitogoshi · 19/03/2024 13:09

Negotiate, say as you can stay all day on the Sunday, how about £100 each

Thanks. Yes suggested this. And since suggesting they have said no and they will not be coming.

Which is fair enough. But now not sure if the other couple can or will make it.

And if this was done as a genuine no thanks or more a strong arm/bluff to see if we would budge and also know that we likely wouldn't then see the other couple coming as well.

All hypothetical unknowns.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 19/03/2024 13:12

Am I understanding this correctly?

You had been having conversations about going away with friends, but nothing had been arranged with regards to dates, costs etc.

You are attending an event and need accommodation for three nights and this was the only accommodation you could get.

So you booked it as it suited your requirements.

Then you asked the others if they want to come - but one couple can't or doesn't want to use annual leave for the Monday, so they need to leave on the Sunday.

If my understanding is correct, then I can see their point of view. It's accommodation booked to suit your budget and timings, and they had no prior say in either. Just because you may have been discussing a weekend away doesn't mean one couple can randomly book somewhere with no prior agreement and expect the others to cough up.

learnandlive · 19/03/2024 13:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.