To consider having a baby at 44

I got pregnant without trying at 44 but unfortunately lost her at 16 weeks. Go for it, the worst that can happen is you don't get pregnant & if you can cope with that, get trying.

I think the most important thing you need to realise is that at age 44, you're stastically very unlikely to get pregnant. My mums menopause fully started at 45 - that's actually more likely than a pregnancy now.

It's not something I'd entertain after about age 42 as a possible reality

Is your partner the same age as you?
I think it would be a big shock to be a parent for the first time mid 40s and loose that freedom you've had for years.
If you were to go ahead it's best to plan how it will work ie. Is shared parental leave an option? Plus split nights when the baby wakes up and equal childcare.
Not to be pessimistic but it's good to iron this out beforehand as there's lots of posts on Mumsnet from men who don't do this (I write some of them 😅)

Do you think he would be a good father and pull his weight because he will need to

I'd say YANBU if you genuinely wanted a baby at 44 but I don't think you do from your posts (I don't mean to be rude). It's because a friend has said 'it would be nice' and your DD said she wants a sibling. But all kids want what they don't have surely! Imaginary siblings are lovely 😅 ...plus don't let someone who wouldn't be raising the baby convince you, it could just be a passing comment.

I'm not making light of this as I'm 39 and sometimes think about another for my DD who is 6 -i also have people in my life who pass comment on it frequently!- but I don't have ideal circumstances and we are happy as we are so why rock the boat?
It's ultimately your decision however if you value free time I'd think carefully before giving it up again.

Wrecking your body snd not having any me time are pregancy worries unrelated to your age.
But you do have a slightly increased chance if having a child with disabilities or autism.
You also have a small chance of conceiving naturally.
If you are fit and healthy and want another child then there's no harm in trying but you need to get on with and accept it may not happen unless you go down ivf route

Chances of a natural conception resulting in a baby are pretty low. Chances of a pregnancy & healthy baby if you use IVF with donor eggs are pretty high. Also pretty expensive.

However your DD is starting to reach a different phase where you will enjoy doing activities that aren’t so baby friendly. With a big age gap she’s not going to have a playmate in a sibling. That's not to say she won’t love her sibling but who knows whether they will end up close in the future.

What does your partner think?

I have 3 kids and they all would love another sibling. Is it going to happen. Hell no. I wouldn't do it for giving dc a sibling. You and your partner have to decide if the risks are worth it.

No, I certainly wouldn't plan it!

It would be madness to plan it at that age in my mind.

My eldest would be 23 and youngest 18 by the time I'm 44. I have no desire to start again and would feel ancient.

Known three people to have babies in their 40’s - their children grew up ok and two without a father. Even know of a guy who fathered a child in their late 40’s 💕what a gift.

We’re not all peri upon hitting 40.

Good luck to you x

I think you should try

I wouldn’t do it.

No-one can decide for you, but as other posters have said if you start trying at 44 you could be 46 by the time it arrives. That's takes you to retirement with a 20 year old, who might still be financially dependent.

I am early 60s with a 22 year old with autism who is lovely, but still needs a lot of my time and resources and I admit to having worries about the long term. He does work at the moment, but it's hit and miss.

My vote is no. Enjoy the child you have and concentrate on giving them the best life you can.

I can't advise you, but for me it would be a super easy no. I'll practically have 2 adults t then and I have plans to do more things with my husband, new work opportunities, travel etc.
I'm putting my all into my kids, and I do my absolute best for them, but one of the reasons that I had them close together is that I prefer to go through a similar stage with them together.
If your daughter will be almost 9 when a future child I born you will almost have 2 separate single children rather than bringing them up together. Some people might prefer this, but I would find it difficult.

It's interesting that many of the people who are saying 'God no!' are also saying that their two kids are or will be late teens at the age of 44 and they couldn't imagine starting again. That's a completely different scenario to someone who has one child who is still primary age. OP is already at a completely different stage in her life despite being the same age, so it's comparing apples and oranges.

OP I am 43 and pregnant. At my booking appointment last week both of the midwives I spoke to were unconcerned about my age (and one said her own mum was 42 when she was born).

It’s a big decision, and a bit higher risk all round. You say you are secure money-wise and feel a bit wistful. In your shoes I would want to have the mindset that it probably won’t happen but it’s a bonus if it does as I would hate to waste my own time and my existing child’s younger years pursuing something that had steadily reducing odds.

Please don’t underestimate the impact of the of much higher levels of fatigue than when you had your first child - seems to be a thing with older mums. You will also have to factor in the potential effect of menopause on your wellbeing when you have very young children.

I was an older mum, it was far more exhausting than I anticipated. I am the oldest mum of my daughter’s friends. I can tell you menopause and tween hormones are a toxic mix!

Good luck, whatever you decide!

If you and your partner want a baby and can afford to, immediately go to a private fertility clinic for IVF. Your chances naturally are low and dropping, sorry to be brutal.

Quite strange to read all these replies as I had that baby at 44 and am now 64 with a 20 year old.
He is now at university and none of the dreaded things in this thread have happened. He isn't embarrassed by me and I don't resent him.

Well personally I wouldn't as I'm WELL into peri/meno at the same age so the risks to me/the child would potentially significant...and that would be even if I managed to get pregnant.

However if you're still healthy and fertile go for it...in my NCT group and half the school mums in my DCs class are all 40+.

I wouldn’t fancy it.

Probably hormones talking OP, I am well past it, but I am a very maternal person and if I see a baby those feelings rush to the fore. But aside from the risks of a late pregnancy, assuming you have a wonderful healthy baby, would you want to be 60 with a 15 year old child? Sleepless nights, nappies, endless school runs etc. I think we look back on halcyon days and forget how tough it is raising a child. Good luck with whatever decision you make, I wish you well.

Do you and dh want another baby

Mini blondes would love to be a big sister. Never going to happen

I was almost 44 when gave birth

Took 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf to get one and only ever bfp

Those who had children young will say never and too old

Those who like me who were older due to Mother Nature not playing ball would say give it a go

Obv there are more risks of mc and sn

If you have a spare £15/20k then could try ivf as likely to be more successful then ttc naturally due to age and also have testing done on embroys

Women who conceive a child naturally in their mid to late forties are likely to live longer than average, so the chances of their child being orphaned before adulthood are much lower than the doomsayers on mumsnet would suggest.

That's really interesting. My grandma had her last child at age 45. My aunt was 55 when her mother died.

44 is likely to be too old due to the age of your eggs, but it's theoretically possible and some women have babies at this age or older.

I wouldn't do it so your child has a sibling though. There'd be at least an 8 year age gap and family life would be tricky dealing with two at such different stages. Plus they may not have a good relationship. Eldest might resent the restrictions placed on them by the needs of a much younger child.

As for having a 44 year age gap. My kids are adopted - due to the time it took to go through the infertility process and then making the decision to adopt, I was in my 40s before they were born / placed.

Youngest was born when I was 45. It has been absolutely fine being an older parent. I am fit and active, and have always looked younger than my years. I feel it's kept me younger too. I would have drawn the line at any bigger age gap though - 45 was my limit.

I don't know if I would try again in your shoes though. But if you're happy to give it a go, just prepare yourself for failure (and the higher chance of an SEN child.)