To consider having a baby at 44

Way to old and to many risks.
It's quite selfish as well sorry.

If you’re a little hesitant that’s not great for having a child. How long have you been together?

I would add that I'm not saying OP should try for a baby. That's entirely her choice. I'm just saying that there's a lot of doom-mongering and overstatement of risks on this thread (not to mention judgement about older mums). As an older mum you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Plenty of people judge mothers for having only children. We can't win!

Most other sources put it at a lot less than 1/19. It's usually between 1/30 and 1/50. Which means in a group of 100 45-year old women having babies, something like 2 or 3 will have a baby with DS.

patient.info/pregnancy/pregnancy-screening-tests/prenatal-screening-and-diagnosis-of-downs-syndrome

Ps I lost my parents at 23 and they had me when they were young. There are no guarantees.

I would say if you really want another baby to go for it and not to dither too much.

I am 56 now with a 13 and 16yo. Having our family was the best decision we ever made. Dh is 61 now, and yes he cannot retire until 65, but we wouldn't swap our family for early retirement. We have had so much fun with our children over the past 2 decades and regret nothing. In another few years they'll be off living their owns lives and we will then begin to wind down to retirement.

We also did lots of travelling and adventure when we we young enough to fully enjoy it. Our retirement will hopefully be a restful one!

This information alone would make me seriously consider the safety of having a baby in my 40s.
At the age of 33, the chance of your baby being diagnosed with trisomy 21 (Down syndrome) during pregnancy is approximately 1/400. At the age of 40, this chance increases to 1/70. By age 45, this chance is about 1/19
https://vpfw.com/blog/pregnancy-after-age-40-the-odds-the-risks-and-whether-to-try/

This might also be worth a read.
https://www.acog.org/womens-health/faqs/having-a-baby-after-age-35-how-aging-affects-fertility-and-pregnancy

Is he sharing everything with you financially? What’s the reason you’re not married or engaged? You’re taking a big risk with your health and future by having a child. You’d need to be as sure as possible that he’s committed. Babies put huge pressure on relationships and he’s had 40 odd years of freedom

@Isthisexpected "would you want to be an orphan at 30?"

No one wants to be an orphan. But I'm sure you wouldn't say this if the OP was as little as 5 years younger. And is there much difference between being an orphan at 30 vs 35? You're obviously suggesting it's selfish to have a child who may become orphaned 'too young' - what age is your cut off? Is it ok to be orphaned at 40? 45? Too late for the likes of me, but this might help younger women determine the age by which they should have a baby and not be portrayed as self-serving. TIA.

I had my first at 40 and I'm so exhausted by parenting. Now heading into menopause at 42 and finding dealing with a toddler when I feel like crap so hard. I hadn't thought my age mattered that much but it's been tough. Of course depends how fit you are, when you start perimenopause etc but something to think about

I'm shocked not having free time is one of your main concerns. That suggests to me that having another child isn't for you at all! You just want a baby to cuddle, not a person to nurture.

I'd also be concerned about the likelihood that as your own children are establishing their lives enjoying that time in their life they'll be looking at care homes and supporting you through dementia or chronic illness. Life expectancy isn't what I'm getting at; it's disease free life expectancy that's pretty static at mid 70s. Would you want to be an orphan at 30?

I think your view is skewed that you live in 'a pocket of S London'.
44 IS old to have a baby, it always has been as it's towards the end of most women's fertility window. Most women can't conceive and carry a baby to full term at 44. A lot of the women that you see have probably used donor eggs, just like the celebrities who are having babies in their mid 40s. In previous generations, they would have presumed that a woman in her mid 40s with a newborn was probably the grandmother.

@littleloopylou don't have a baby because your child is desperate for a sibling. At your age, it has to be something that you both really want, having weighed up all the medical and other risks, which are much higher in your mid 40s.

My friend is 44 and has just had her second. It’s a choice totally personal to you.

I personally couldnt think of anything worse. Potentially 62 before getting some freedom back if they go to uni.

35 was my cut off BUT I accept I was lucky enough to have met the right person before then and be able to have children without help.

At your age I would worry about multiples and additional needs.

That's what I said

How old is your partner OP? If he is much older than you you need to bear in mind his sperm will not be in tip top condition.

Don’t do it just because your DD wants it, OP. Bless her, but children change their minds all the time. And don’t do it just because your partner wants it, though that is obviously a plus.

Only do it if you really want to, after seriously considering the risks and disadvantages. It’s your body and probably most of the work over the next 20 years will be on you too.

But if you really want to, go for it. Best of luck to you all, whatever you decide.

Don't get swayed by smushy newborns.

My son is a 5 month old planned only, and I already find myself getting wistful about "he'll never be this small again" moments.

But you have to want the kid for its and your entire life. That goes for the good and the bad - the expense, the loss of freedom, the body difficulties have to be weighed against whether you want the adult human in your life.

We had our youngst daughter late (not planned).
Age hasn't been an issue at all.
Go for it you can.