To consider having a baby at 44

Congratulations. You are obviously very lucky. No one is scaremongering though. The statistics are very clear that all these complications are far more common in older mothers. That's simply stating facts. Women over 35 are older mothers from a medical perspective, never mind 44.
You've made the only sensible choice @littleloopylou

Well any update here? I think you are not being unreasonable at all - if you want it, go for it and see how it goes 🙂 I think there's a lot of scaremongering around older mums which is unnecessary - I had a healthy baby at 42 & im pregnant again at 44 naturally - baby & pregnancy is going great with no complications! I know much younger mums than me that had issues such as GD & pre-eclampsia so that can occur at any age...

With a partner of two years and an existing child suffering from abuse? Hell no.

My Nan gave birth to my dad at 42 and my aunt at 45, years in the early 50s.

no medical help or costly interventions.

Hi op, wondering what your decision was and how things are? I'm 43 and have had a difficult three years with 2 surprise natural pregnancies that ended in terminations for very different reasons. I have a 10 year old DD via IVF and only now feel ready to try again. I'll be 44 at least when baby is born. (We have frozen embryos).These threads make me consider things I've never thought about, but I'm starting to feel that if we thought about everything in so much detail we would never do anything!!

Life is full of twists and turns (and risks) no matter what choices we make. I also think once you are a parent, you never stop being one! Yes children become less dependent but at my age now (and an only child myself) I live in the next road to my parents, I see them daily, we go on holidays together and have always been a big part of each others lives. I don't expect or wish for my daughter (or any other children) to be any different! Appreciate not everyone has a family life like this and that's the difference with the replies. I've come to realise I have to do what's best for me, my health, happiness and my family.

I wish you luck for the future x

Your 7 yo has been physically abused by her dad???

Then No. I think it's time to just focus on your little girl.

She is going to need a lot of support in the future.

For me the feeling someone was missing just wouldn't go away.

What about a pet?

Again though you've only been with your partner for two years.

It sounds like your DD has had a lot of instability already.

Her dad is abusive and she has a half sibling on his side.

Why not just focus on her?

If you don't feel confident marrying him, why would you feel confident having a baby with him?

I wouldn’t. You’re more likely to be nearer 50 than 40 by the time it happened, if it happened. I’d chalk this up to peri hormones and try to move on.

My main concern is the significantly increased risk of a wide range of issues ranging from chromosomal problems to varying degrees of autism. Your child might want a sibling, but if you have a child with any extra needs, you will be dealing with that extra layer of worry on top of just being older.

Also, if your existing child is old enough to want a sibling, she is too old to have a meaningful relationship (if any!) with that sibling until they are both much older. They almost certainly won't be playing together.

I had similar pangs in my early 40's and now at 46 am so relieved I sat it out. The main concern was having a child with increased needs and being nearly years older than I was 1st time around. Now I'm retraining in the career I always wanted (but interrupted to have babies first time around) instead of looking after a pre-schooler.

Teenager. Menopause. My mother regretted her late arrival to maternity at your age OP. 2 wild teens and no energy to deal with them.

I can totally understand that yearning feeling OP. But, it sounds like you have a great life a lovely daughter, a loving partner. Don’t chase a dream that may not become a reality. If you decide too, I wish you well and hope it all works out.

The wider risks of maternal age are of course well known - including risks of trisonomies like Downs and Edward's (embryos with Pataus are not viable beyond a few months if they make it full term). See below the table attached below. And having experienced one of those trisonomy pregnancies I would not underestimate the impact on mental health whether or not the pregnancy goes to full term. It's important that you consider what testing and actions you might take if that happened to you.

www.bornontario.ca/en/pso/prenatal-screening-options/chance-of-chromosome-differences-based-on-age.aspx

Definitely not the case if a child is very severely autistic i.e non verbal, challenging behaviour, self harming, no sense of danger, etc. It can be an absolute bloody nightmare and people on the outside wouldn't have a clue how bad it is.

Just turned 45 and holding my 6 month old while she sleeps. I’m very lucky to have had her via ivf (no donor required); was given 5% chance of it working so consider myself blessed. It’s going really well, she’s a healthy happy baby and my pregnancy/recovery was fine. Saying that I’ve looked after myself so I think that has helped with being an older mum. Our 7 year old dd loves her little sister to bits and is a great help. You have to be realistic but it can be done if you have a viable egg and are healthy and of course money if going the ivf route x

I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with it if you are able to conceive. People act as though 60s is ancient. My mums just turned 60, works full time, and has far more energy than me.

I am mid 30s and trying to donor conceive. I know I’m not the “prime” age for fertility. I’m hoping that the fact the donor is young (I presume!) and fertile it balances it out a bit.

All in? I think you're looking at her "I want a sibling" from your adult point of view. Do you actually think she understands what it would involve? That she realises that she wouldn't be getting a playmate for a good few years? That even at a toddlers age there would be no meaningful interaction? That the sibling she most likely envisages (same or close age) is not what she would be getting.
Do you really believe she'd be all in for months of likely disturbed sleep? All in for mum preoccupied with a newborn and then toddler?

If you want a baby because YOU want it, that's fine, your child will learn to cope with the reality, but don't underestimate the gap between between your daughter's idea of having a sibling and a new baby actually arriving.

Well that would be a massive waste of money if the OP does carry the genes for late fertility, and so could get pregnant within months if she took her IUD out and had lots of sex.