To have a baby my grown dd doesn't want me to have?

Of course they have.

She's spent her entire life as an only child and now she's adjusting to becoming a mother, she's got to come to terms with having a sibling younger than her own child. I suspect most of the people saying she needs to "get over it" wouldn't be quite so blase if they were in her shoes.

Wow the replies here are bizarre! So much hate for the daughter! She's having an emotional reaction to an unusual situation. She'll likely get over it in a bit. However old she's still the OP's child and for all the people saying she's spoilt and wicked - do you think anyone wants to hear that about their child? It's so OTT!

OP, give her some time, space, all the facts, talk about all the benefits of having young kids together. If your relationship was strong beforehand I'm sure it will be okay.

She has been an only child for 23 years and now is probably worried about being an outsider with a new baby coming, especially if your DH isn't her dad.
She may also be worried that you won't be able to babysit for her.
Does she need you for childcare while she works or is it is just a social thing.

Let the inital shock calm down and let her know how she's made you feel.
Also let her know that she'll never be replaced and she will also be as much part of the family as your new baby.

Finally CONGRATULATIONS!

Yes, agreed @Kitkat1982 that I was flippant. So many PPs had already explained it properly. I was trying to convey (badly) that I am shocked that a 23 yo leading a proper adult life can have the utter insensitivity and immaturity to discourage her mother from continuing with a pregnancy.

I have to disagree. Your comment is flippant. The worst thing she could do is ignore her daughters feelings in all of this. This is her daughter. Her feelings shouldn't be ignored but rather explored and discussed and validated. Feeling jealous is a very normal human emotion, and just because you wouldn't feel upset in this situation, doesn't mean she can't feel upset. This is a new situation for her daughter. She's been the only child for 23 yrs and had mums undivided attention, and I'm sure now she has a daughter of her own, expected her mum to be there to spend as much quality time with her grandaughter. I'd be utterly shocked if my mum came to me after 23 yrs and said "I'm pregnant".

Just wanted to jump on and say congratulations.

I truly hope your daughter will come around soon. It must have been so hard to have years of trying and now have such wonderful news.

When things have settled, perhaps you can explain how difficult your journey has been but you tried to protect her from it.

Because I'm quite a jealous nature I would probably react the same way as your daughter & feel weirded out by it, but then I'd probably get over it and be excited and view the baby as another wonderful part of the family. People are saying your daughter needs to grow up but it hasn't got anything to do with age. All people feel differently in different situations and feeling Jealous is a very normal human emotion. For example I'm 41 now and my best friend of many years made a new friendship a couple of years ago and they started hanging out all the time. I felt jealous and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It's A normal feeling and you have to understand it from her point of view and just support her with her feelings. She will get over it and by the time baby arrives she will be happy and excited and that baby will be spoilt by her I'm sure xx

I knew a family on my street where the niece was older than their aunty and loads of other kids commented on it. The person saying this is an assessment of your own family is just being nasty to get a reaction. As do most on this site.

Some of these comments are a bit strong. Don't think the daughter considers her a free babysitter at all and it's alot to get your around. She might even think its weird to have a niece older than the aunty.

Was it OP's intention for the commenters to rip her daughter a new one. Because its a bit unfair.

she's really upset that her daughter will be 2 years older than ours

I would have thought that that might be the reason that she has reacted badly.

A sibling younger than her own child.

She's an adult with her own home and baby. The main effect this will have on her is that her mother may not be able to babysit when she's heavily pregnant, giving birth or has her own baby to take care of. I imagine the ops dd is mainly worried about how this will affect her social life.

Wow some of the responses on here are outrageous. Your children remain your children even at 23 and to call them spiteful etc over her response to a new baby makes you sound worse than the 23 yr old. She might have spoken out of turn but a demented ott response wont help anyone.

Congratulations on your new LO
I agree with what others have said, DD is just jealous. She's been your only child and now she will need to share you. But she needs to grow up. This isn't about her. This isn't about what she wants. It's your life, your decision. And she should be happy for her parents. I get that she may be weirded out. But to say she doesn't want you to keep her LB/LS is beyond immature. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Especially at such an exciting time.There is plenty of room in the house, and love to give. She'll eventually come around. Congrats again

If she is upset at the prospect of losing a babysitter its a bit odd. I found having a younger child myself meant i was staying in anyway so would have my grandchildren to stay too. If I hadnt my youngest Id probably have been off out. So on the contrary it should benefit her in those terms. Also give the children someone to play with like cousins getting together. Sounds like a win win once she sorts her strop out.

@lifebeginsaftercoffee

ridiculous hyperbole! She doesn’t even live with op!

That doesn't really wash when she's an adult and living with her partner and child in her own home! Yes, it might be a mild annoyance but no one has turned her world upside down.

Diddums. She's a grown adult with her own child and needs to accept she isn't the center of the universe.

It's nothing to do with her being the "centre of the universe" and everything to do with her world being turned upside down.

Congratulations, I'm about your age with a daughter same age as yours , she has no children and still lives at home. She would not like if I had a baby but she'd get used to it and it's not really her choice to make. Is she afraid your focus will be pulled from your granddaughter?

Sorry that happened to you.
However, your parents being shit doesn't mean that applies to all. My parents used to smack me, and my brothers. There is less than 4 years total between us.
I have no desire to have them anywhere near my kids, not should you want yours near yours if they are so awful.

Grandparents aren't for being 'useful'. That implies some sort of obligation. No one has to be a useful grandparent.

In OP's case, it sounds more as if she is still with the father of her first child but has suffered secondary infertility. Which is a completely different scenario to having a second family with a different partner.

Your Daughter is behaving badly, she needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her. Congratulations on your pregnancy. X

I'm the daughter in this situation.

Parents had me as teens, they were a bit shit and my grandparents helped a LOT.
Both parents remarried younger people when I was in my teens and then continued to have children (in their late thirties) when I was in my twenties.

I had kids in my twenties and obviously my parents were not engaged or helpful grandparents, they were too busy comparing my kids to theirs.

I adore my grandchildren and and my younger siblings' kids and have a very active part in their lives.

My dad actually beat his second batch kids, he was grumpy old man when they hit their teens and has nothing to do with them now.

My mum is too frail to be a useful grandparent to her younger grandchildren.

Grandparenting is wonderful, a completely different relationship to parenting.

My parents decided to forgo that as they wanted to pander to their younger spouses.

So, yes, can understand the daughter being pissed - wonder how much help the mum had from her parents?

Diddums. She's a grown adult with her own child and needs to accept she isn't the center of the universe.

I’ve got over a 25 year gap between my eldest and youngest, so thankful the older ones not had this attitude. She’s being very selfish and unfair on you, you sound like a great mother and grandma.

She has only just found out about it, be fair.

I'm amazed people think her first reaction is unusual. She has been blindsided and needs time to come to terms with it.

She is still young at 23 too.

Congratulations.

Whilst it is a slightly unusual situation for your DD to find herself in, I think she is being a bit selfish here.

Perhaps you should explain how much you wanted this baby and how thrilled you are and she might think differently. It feels like she is just thinking about how this affects her and your ability to look after her baby.

my friend had two friends in her baby group, and they were a mother and daughter, both having a baby the same time.