To have a baby my grown dd doesn't want me to have?

Congratulations on your happy news.
Sorry to hear your daughter is being so incredibly self centred and heartless about a child that would be her sibling. I’d reiterate that you still plan to have a good relationship with her child and to help out, in case this is causing her anxiety, but you’re not going to tolerate her continuing to be negative about a much longed for pregnancy and if she chooses to behave that way then you’ll have no choice but to distance yourself.

She needs to get a grip, my half brother was born in between my two daughters and is 30+ years younger than me, the kids are growing up together and have a wonderful relationship. My dad and his partner (my half brother’s parents) are wonderful grandparents and have my daughters over to stay fairly regularly.

I agree this is probably at the root of it 😕

The ewwww yuk I can kinda understand (no one wants to think of their parents having sex) and of course the shock especially if she didn’t know you wanted another baby but she should have been happy for you especially once she knew you are happy about it.

she is probably in shock and trying to work out her logistics. She may also be struggling and have hoped to ask for a little bit more help but now doesn’t feel like she can or maybe even feels like she may need to have her baby sibling in due course.

Congratulations on your much wanted pregnancy. Your DD is completely unreasonable and acting like a brat, not a grown woman with her own child.

It's none of her business and she needs to keep her beak out.

Please ignore her whinging and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and much wanted baby when he/she arrives.

Your daughter is being, frankly, a twit. It’s not up to her and she’s being very unpleasant to have such a negative reaction to your happy news (congratulations by the way 💐) especially when it seems her reasoning is entirely selfish!

She is being very selfish, if you want another baby and are having one, she has no right to guilt trip you!
I have friends who’s dad remarried and had more children when they were adults … it has made their relationship with him very different!…. My friend says her dad hasn’t been a grandfather to her children at all because he has children the same age as his grandchildren… but she excepts that because he was happy. But still found it sad. I suspect your Dd finds it odd that her DD will have a sister/brother younger than her… however it sounds like your DD is an only child so her children won’t have maternal cousins.. now they’ll have a aunt that can be like a cousin….
your DD can’t expect you to have a bedroom there for her DD anyway.. whether you have another baby or not!! She sounds entitled in that respect!! She sounds pissed off that you won’t be as available to babysit!! Very selfish indeed!

Well I can understand the shock she must feel that her own daughter will be older than your child, and maybe she assumed you didn't want more DC as it's taken you so long - without her knowledge of your losses.

I'd think she'll come round so I would leave it for now. If she carries on I would just say 'DH and I are very happy and excited about this baby, who is very much wanted and planned. I hope you can be too'.

It's just shock, she'll come round.

Your DD can grow up for starters. It’s not up for debate. Be happy for you or jog on. Congrats.

Sounds as though your daughter is upset at the prospect of losing you as a babysitter.

I get that the age gap seems weird to her, but it's not that unusual.

Heck, my grandmother's eldest child was the same age as great-granny's youngest. (ISTR that great-granny had 10 children.)

Your daughter is behaving selfishly to make you feel bad about this. Even if she finds the situation awkward and doesn't love the idea of a sibling when she's been the only child for so long, she should respect you enough to be positive about it for your sakes.

Of course YANBU to have your second child. I'd hope that your adult daughter snaps out of it soon and is more supportive, or at the very least that she'll feel differently when her new baby sibling is born. If you have a close enough relationship, I think I'd tell her that you've struggled with miscarriages. That might wake her up to how self-absorbed she's being, to know that this baby is much-wanted by you and her father.

Congratulations!

In fairness to your daughter, she had no idea this was on the cards and as you have a 23 year gap and a grandchild, she isn’t unreasonable to believe that phase of your life is long over.

As a new mother herself, she’s no doubt finding it weird and kind of disturbing to think of a baby sibling younger than her own child.

She’ll need to get her head around it. Give her some space to readjust to the new normal, but don’t tolerate any nonsense from her. She had a long time as an by, but that’s over now.

Best of luck with your pregnancy!

It has nothing to do with her, and she should have absolutely NO say in any decision in what you do with your body.

She sounds like a selfish, self centred madam.

Ignore her, she will get over it, enjoy your pregnancy.

She needs to grow up. It is not for her to dictate what you do with your life and decisions around becoming a parent again. I can recognise she may need to get her head around it but aside from that do not give it any more headspace you are your own person.

Wow, what a nasty, entitled, wicked woman. How dare she!

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP! Absoute;y over the moon for you. Do not entertain any negativity from your daughter.

Lol I wouldn’t be delighted but it’s none of her business at the end of the day

I could understand her disgust if she was 13, but at 23 your DD is old enough to understand. I suppose she thought her DC would be the only DGC and you'd be devoted DGPs but now you'll have your own baby to look after. Give her a bit of time to get over the shock Op, hopefully she'll come around

Tell her to wind her neck in. It's none of her business and she needs to grow up.

Firstly, congratulations. What wonderful news, especially after such a long journey.

However - I do get where your DD is coming from. You have had years (sadly) to plan for this and knew it was the game plan. She - quite rightly - wasn't privy to any of that and probably thought you weren't even thinking about it. It is a lot to get her head around - she won't be an only child anymore, and your relationship will be different. She might be worried that the parent/ child role may reverse for a time as she "looks after" you immediately post-partum, and that any future childcare arrangements won't be simply you as a granny spending time with DD - it'll maybe be a reciprocal arrangement, and DD won't get one-to-one time.

None of these individually (or even collectively) are reasons to be outwardly hostile to the new pregnancy which was a bit out of order BUT the feelings of uncertainty are justified IMHO and I imagine she just needs a bit of time to get used to it. Plus, it's biologically 100% normal and appropriate to feel disgusted at the idea of parents having sex whether you're 13 or 23.

@pebblecity

🌷💕congratulations 💕🌷

she's being a selfish mare. Me me me. I get that it's BIG news for her, but she's grown up now & she needs to learn it's NOT all about her.

nothing much needs to change, except you might redecorate 'her' room. & when her DD stays over. She'll need to share, which she'll probably love anyway.

when I was 8/9/10 I had a friend who had much older sisters (20's) [she was a very unexpected addition to their family, but much loved & spoilt]. She had several nieces & nephews by then of various ages. It was a bit odd having older ones than we were, when we thought about it, But they were much like cousins day to day.

i myself have Aunties that are only 12 years older then me.

families come in all different shapes!

tell her to stop being so selfish & accept that you two have been trying for a baby & you are VERY happy to be pregnant. That you don't intend your relationship with DGC or her, to change.

crack on being HAPPY.💕🌷

She sounds jealous, self-centred and immature. If she is old enough to have a child of her own, she is old enough to be told that you have been trying for years without success. And that you are disappointed that she cannot be happier for you both that your long held desire is finally happening.

Enjoy your pregnancy, don't let her ruin it. Hopefully, she will accept it and her sibling and child can be playmates in couple of years time.

Congratulations!

You see I’ve been through similar in that my mum had a baby at 45 when I was 21 and I did mourn the fact that my mum would have different responsibilities and that her relationship with my future (unborn) children would be different and it is. By the time I had my daughter at 33 (and in many ways I put off having kids a bit longer because of my relationship ship with my new sibling) my mum still has caring responsibilities for her own young child which means she has less flex to ‘help’ with mine. She will come round but i can understand she’s wrapping her head around things. Give her some time. It sounds like you’ve been a fan gran! Maybe it will surface that she was also wanting to have another child and perhaps she thinks this will overshadow that or they were making decisions about their own family based k a. Presumption of certain assistance from you that might be not available now. Additionally try not to force a really close sibling relationship between kids that are 20+ years apart. It’s really really hard to find common ground when you’re a whole generation apart.

I love my sister but the sibling relationship we have is very different to that I have with siblings closer in age.

Congratulations. She doesn't get to dictate what you do, she needs to have a fucking word with herself.