To have a baby my grown dd doesn't want me to have?

Speaking as 40 year old new mother this smarts haha

Awww hopefully she'll thaw. Auntie/uncle and niece will be just like little cousins: it should be wonderful as they grow up.

Congratulations!

Congratulations. She it totally out of line and needs to be told.

This. Also she's been your focus all her life, she's going to feel displaced not only as the new mum, but as your daughter. Hopefully you can make some time for just you and her occasionally, might your DH be up for babysitting the grandchild and looking after the baby while you and DD get some time together? Or her baby's father can do the same?
Congratulations!

Your DD is probably worried that she is being replaced and that her relationship with you is going to change. You won't just be her mum and grandmother to her child any more. There's now going to be a new stranger in the mix who she is supposed to think of as a sibling. It's a lot to get her head around.

My dc are absolutely lovely, but I think if I called them and told them I was 12 weeks pregnant, they probably wouldn't react appropriately right away.

She didn't know about you ttc, and she doesn't know about your losses (which I'm very sorry you had to go through 💐) so this is all a massive surprise, and she is probably thinking about her own dc having an aunt or uncle younger than her and the repercussions at school etc.

I would give her a week or two to wrap her head around things, hopefully she will settle down.

Good luck with the pregnancy op 💐

I'm surprised at all the posts calling her selfish and horrible. OP please don't let these posts influence how you're viewing her. I think it's really natural that she's shocked and grieving the loss of the grandmother/daughter/grandchild relationship she's enjoyed up to now. 23 is still very young and she's in the very early stages of motherhood herself and has probably been relying on you a lot for practical and emotional support, so she'll be feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under her. As pp said she will definitely come around and welcome the new baby in time. Give her space and compassion. If her words and behaviour are hurtful you can vent about her behind her back to your DH and friends! Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I agree with this.

It's hard to have a baby and your daughter is a young mum so she's probably relied on you a lot for support (I'm guessing) and now she's probably fretting about all the ways that will change now. I admit I think I would feel the same, it would be a huge shock, especially given your daughter has been an only child until now. It probably never even crossed her mind.

I'm sure it's just her initial reaction and she will love the baby when it's here.

It's one thing to think all those privately but to say them to you is utterly selfish.

Disgusted? How nasty.

I'd be putting down a firm boundary that she does not get to talk to you like that again.

Have your Baby and be happy.

Indeed my mother hasn’t gone though meno yet or hasn’t finished it. Either way. But if she rang me tomorrow and said she was pregnant I’d be like wtf… though she’s never given me the idea she wants another 😂 Think my brother would have a heart attack tbh. But his the ultimate child free hand off uncle too.

Go ahead with the pregnancy. You'll resent your daughter if you were pressured into terminating a much wanted baby.

I think it's one of those things where she'll eventually come to terms with it and, in the end, be thrilled to have another much loved member of her extended family.

Well it is an odd situation, so I don't think you can blame her for being shocked! I have a 2 year old and my mum is 10 years post-menopause now, so not going to happen, but I would not be thrilled if she did somehow announce she was having another child! But I would get over it in time, and I'm sure your daughter will too. I'd let her know how wanted the child is, so she doesn't think it's just an accident. And make it clear your love for her and her child won't lessen because of your pregnancy.

Or the possibility that she feels that this baby will mean that you are not available to look after her child/your grandchild.
I think this is the likely reason for her reaction. Perhaps you are the doting, fabulous granny and she's worried that somehow this will no longer be the case and her DC will no longer be the centre of your attention - which when you have your new baby will be the case and is understandable.

She should have been more tactful in her response.

Congrats.

Congrats OP! Does she know you've been ttc? I'd assume it's just a shock and she'll be happy for you once she's wrapped her head around things a bit more.

A neighbour of mine had their youngest DC in the same class in primary as their oldest DGC. The uncle/nephew were best friends and grew up together as the neighbour cared for her grandchild part of the week. Your child and grandchild will grow up a bit like cousins. It means that they will have a relative of the same age group I am sure your daughter will come round once it sinks in.

I unexpectedly became a sister again when I was in my late 20s, and my children were nearing ten. I was nothing but joyous and gracious about it. It can never be a traditional sibling relationship but it can be just as lovely.

It’s nothing really to do with her, she is a grown adult woman with her own family who is behaving like a petulant child. you can have as many children as you want, did she consult you whether it was ok for her to have her baby…. She needs to grow up

If she wasn't expecting this I can imagine it came as a big shock for her! I can understand that she feels it will change your relationship with her and she might feel upset at being "replaced". I think the posters calling her nasty are being a bit harsh. Hopefully she'll come round when she gets used to the idea.

Why? shes 40, not 60.

Well, I’m not surprised she feels a bit gross about it. Is it with her dad?

Congratulations.

She's being a selfish entitled brat. What does she want you to do? put your life on hold so she can have a free babysitter and an empty room just sitting waiting for her child? Abort your longed-for baby for her convenience?

She's a grown woman and it's time she started acting like one. I'd be telling her this.

Honestly, this is the sort of thing you might joke about but never actually think.

She’s an adult with a child of her own. She sounds quite immature, she should be happy for you. It’s lovely news and congratulations.

my eldest son is 23 and his dad and his wife are having baby no4 and my son isn’t best happy about it tbh however he’s not throwing a wobbler. I’d just say it’ll be lovely for her child and yours to share the room and play together but don’t put up with the dramatics. I mean the adults on here doing yuk parents having sex etc how do you think any of us got here a flipping stork

She’s likely shocked.

Shes 23 and has a child of her own and suddenly the idea of her, her mum and daughter doing some fun three generation things as well as the idea of the dotting granny and grandad has vanished.

Because honestly you won’t be the same mum to her or grandmother to her daughter or any future children as you currently where/are with having your own baby/young child again. Your daughter and your new child also won’t have the same sibling relationship due to the gap and her having her own. Maybe an aunty or cousin type relationship but not siblings.

But I’m sure once the shock wares off she will be fine and of course you can have a baby whenever you want. Congrats

I think people are being a bit dismissive of the fact that most 23 year olds would have mixed feelings about their mother (who they see as old) suddenly having a baby unexpectedly in her forties and after becoming a grandmother. I would have found that a lot to get my head around, and I don't think unqualified joy should be expected. I remember sitting in a pub with friends at about 20 and one friend made a similar announcement about her mother - none of us knew quite what to say.

However she will get used to it and it will be fine.

She being very immature IMO.
Was she really so oblivious that you wanted another child? You're only 40, some women are only having their first baby at this age. My parents had me at 16 so I always knew that there may have been the possibility of half siblings, I was 17 when my brother was born.
Is it the fact that her child will be older than its aunt/uncle? Or the possibility that she feels that this baby will mean that you are not available to look after her child/your grandchild.
She's lucky to have you and I think it will be nice for her child and your baby to grow up together.
I hope she comes round once she's had time to get used to the idea, she should be happy for you.