To have a baby my grown dd doesn't want me to have?

I’m aging rapidly , shocked I’m going to say this but you’ve indulged her too much, ‘disgust’ is despicable, expressing it to you both even more so.

Most would be excited at the prospect of the children growing up together, the room thing in particular irks me

Flip it round Ask her how she would feel if you said you were “disgusted” if and when she gets pregnant again.

Shes shocked and probably immediate feelings rose to the surface. You know your girl, I’m sure she will get her head sorted..but you’re the parent and she should be made aware that she’s coming across as spoiled and immature. Every life is a blessing not just the ones she seems ok.

Going to have to disagree with the other posters here I’m afraid. I think the anger is just her experiencing massive insecurity. Something in her past is probably making her feel like she’s going to be pushed out and forgotten by you guys. As a newish mum herself that’s maybe making her feel massively vulnerable. Keep reassuring her she’s utterly loved and an essential irreplaceable part of her original ‘family’. The new baby will be an extra person to love and be loved by. Also, for her own child to love and be loved by. Emphasis how this will increase her lot not ever lessen it. Be gentle though.

I live in a community with a large number of Mormon (LDS) families. They start young, and have a lot of kids, and this situation is not uncommon. One of my coworkers was the youngest of 11, and had nieces and nephews older than he was. I recommend seeing if there are any internet/social media sitesmaybe Mormonwhich deal with this. You might find it on Reddit. The difference for OP is that she doesn't have half a dozen kids between the two "bookends", and the cultural isolation. But I would see who's online. They may have some really practical advice.

That's now when the idea of a so-much younger sibling is so new to OP's DD! Hopefully she will have the maturity to come to terms with it.

Of course they both have to come to understand each other. But what is the DD demanding here - that her mother has a termination to suit her?!

Everything screams it cannot work out just "perfectly fine" because daughter is unhappy and not engaging.
Of course it could work out perfectly fine.
But only if both sides listen to each other and understand each other's viewpoints.
Old mum is delighted she's pregnant and wants approval and delight and congratulations. After so many failed attempts.
Young 23 year old mum has just discovered that Grandma is about to become a new mum again.
There's no right or wrong.
But old mum has to understand the disappointment of new mum.
And new mum has to understand how hard old mum has tried to have another child to raise directly.
And everyone has to understand what roles and involvement they'll have with the two new family members.
OP always puts up their point of view. Part of the feedback is to put up an alternative point of view.

Shouldn't every parent-to-be be prepared for that?!

She needs to grow up and realise she isn't the only one anymore. Congratulations and don't let her feelings tarnish your experience. My mum was pregnant at same time as my oldest sister, then years.later.my sister was pregnant at the same time as her daughter. I have nieces older than me it's.no big deal, it's life. Sounds more.like jealousy and your daughter been too reliant on everything been about her. Make it clear your having this baby and that you've been trying for years and are happy. If she can't be happy for you then she can keep her opinions to herself. If she wants a room her own child then she shouldn't expect her to stay over and keep her home. There's plenty space and love for her to be included. It's not her house it's yours, it's not her room anymore it's yours and your babies. She needs to.elarn to move.on.and grow up.

I think it’s probably just a shock for her, she’ll get over it, especially when the new sibling arrives.

I certainly hope that her baby is healthy and happy but special needs is a possibility and something to prepare for.

In which case, she is being extraordinarily selfish and unfeeling - and needs to be told so. She is now an adult (even if she isn't behaving like one!) and needs to realise that the world does not revolve around her and her child.

This really is a situation where the phrase, 'Grow up and stop being such a brat,' definitely is appropriate.

You brought her into this world and cared, loved guided her to the point that she’s an adult, but she does not get a say in your life. Rise above, be excited and congratulations ❤️

Personally I totally disagree with you. It may be a relatively unusual dynamic but nothing here screams to me that it can't work out perfectly fine!

In fact I think it could be a lovely bonding thing where both mums rear their children together!

Even if it is a different man (which seems likely) doesn't mean he's some johnny come lately - if the OP has had miscarriages, he's been around for a while.

Do you think the OP should have denied herself the joy of another child? I don't!

Congratulations, she will get used to it

New man(maybe) 23 years later certainly seems like a do over family tbh.

A second child 2/5/10 years later isn’t the same and let’s not pretend it is.

Does everyone who has a second child produce a replacement for the first?!! Bizarre.

Nope. Overlapping family situations are very common and she's being totally unreasonable.

She's going from an only child who could use you any time as a babysitter to loosing all of that. It's jealousy. Just need to reassure her she'll be fine. She should be happy for you. Give her time she'll come round. Maybe the two girls will become besties!

I don't think that comment about special needs was necessary! 40 year olds do have healthy babies - I was one of them!

She's been the sole child and she's now produced a granddaughter. And now Mum is producing another replacement child!
She's got her hands full with her own child.
You'll have your hands full with your own child.
Of course she's pissed.
Granny won't be devoting her life to grandchild, she'll be up to her armpits changing diapers for her own child.
And awkward, that her half-sister is going to be younger than her daughter.
Were you expecting a better reaction than when 16-year-old you announced you were pregnant for the first time?
You need to have some serious conversations about everyone's roles and expectations.
And especially how you intend to balance being a new mother with being a grandmother.
You and your daughter both need to listen to what the other wants from each other and for each other's respective infants.

Congratulations OP, enjoy this happy time
Tell your DD to grow up, kindly, obviously

I think anyone would be freaked out in this situation

Your baby will be an aunt or uncle to a niece/nephew who is older than them

Giver her time to come round. She will eventually

Hopefully, your daughter will come to her senses and become excited about your baby. I think you just caught her by surprise. I hate to say this but hopefully you won’t have a special needs baby. Any baby is a great deal of work but special needs at your age can be really hard. Best of luck to you!

It sounds like she's acting jealous and a little entitled. She wants you to be at her beck and call for free babysitting and doesn't want to share you with a sibling. A couple of my friends didn't have their children until their 40s so it not a dramatically unusual age either. Enjoy your new little bundle, your DD will just have to get used to the idea.

@Krabappel I agree, I think she must've predicted the response and was after a bit of a supportive ear as she feels crap about it and probably has ducked out because the opinions are loud-mine included 🤐. I shouldn't come on here when I'm procrastinating from real life😆