To have a baby my grown dd doesn't want me to have?

Of course you are right to go ahead. Your DD is responding from fear of change, that she and DGD will be pushed down the hierarchy. If it were me I'd ask her what exactly she was worried about and try to reassure her. If that doesn't work, then unfortunately she will just have to be left to come to terms with it in her own way. If you have a good relationship with her then this isn't going to be a deal breaker and she will come round. Please don't let this cast a shadow on your much wanted pregnancy. You're not remotely selfish, it's your DD who is being selfish in her immaturity.

She is acting like a spoilt brat. Tell her to give her head a wobble.
Congratulations on your long awaited good news 🥰

She's being selfish and ridiculous. She has her own life, and she doesn't get to dictate yours.

She is an adult so it is your choice.
She may really be upset that you will naturally not have the time to spend with your grandchild because you will have your own baby. Acknowledge that and try and still be a grandmother when you can.

Ah I think it might have been a bit of a shock, totally out of line to verbalise it, but probably not intentional.

Like others have suggested, I'd imagine she's only looking at this from her own perspective, and knows her relationship with OP will change, as will OPs availability yo babysit. Might she have been planning another pregnancy OP and assuming she'd have lots of help??

@pebblecity Maybe she thought you would be able to help out a lot with childcare and now realises that won't be the case when the baby comes. It's selfish and she should be happy for you, but it must be quite a shock. Congratulations.

Her reasons are selfish. You say you and DH are over the moon so enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to your new arrival. She will have to get over it

This!

And I couldn’t imagine having miscarriages that I didn’t tell my adult daughters about. It’s all been so secretive. Why would you treat a daughter like this? It’s not as if we’re talking about sharing with a neighbour.

Yes, I think there will be some element of her feeling like a fool and wondering why you never trusted her enough to tell her this thing that she now knows has been very central to your life. I also understand that you wanted to keep it private in case it was never going to happen and not wanting people's sympathy, though.

Bit harsh with OP's daughter! Can you put yourself in her shoes for a minute - she's a new mum and her own mother is having a baby who will be younger than her own.
You could hardly expect an instant happy reaction from her? It is an unusual situation, and I can't blame her for being in shock.
She will come round to it eventually and try not to let it spoil your happiness - congratulations!

I think people are being quite harsh. My mum had my at 17. I had my first at 25. My mum was excited to be a nan even though she was only 42 and she had lots of time for her GC because my younger siblings had left home. I think if she turned around and said once my DC was 2 that she was also pregnant I’d have been shocked too. I wouldn’t have said it to her but I would have been a bit sad that the special nan- grandchild bond would inevitably change because she has her own baby DC now. So I do kind of understand your daughters feelings although she shouldn’t have voiced them to you

Perfectly said. She doesn’t have to like it, for her own selfish reasons, but she does have to be kind if she wants the lovely relationship with her mum to continue.

She has a right to be surprised or shocked but that's where it ends.
Your body. You decide if you want a baby.
Your house. You decide what you do with it. If you want to change her old room into a nursery / office / guest room / craft room that is entirely your choice

It must have been quite the surprise. Perhaps if some of the desire for a baby had been shared along the way she wouldn’t be feeling so bad now. And I couldn’t imagine having miscarriages that I didn’t tell my adult daughters about. It’s all been so secretive. Why would you treat a daughter like this? It’s not as if we’re talking about sharing with a neighbour.

That said she’s been rather rude but I think it’s her inner child that’s spoken and I’d give her a hug and tell her you love her.

It's not exactly old is it and quite a common age to have a baby in my opinion! I know several mums who had babies in their 40s, I was a month off turning 40 when I had DD2 myself

She's entitled to feel upset or weird about it, no one can help their feelings after all.
She IS very unreasonable to convey them to you though, as at the end of the day it has absolutely sod all to do with her, none of her business.

I feel like people are being really harsh on OP's daughter here 🙈

I don't think she's a selfish brat, she's just in shock, I think anyone would be to be getting a new baby sibling in their 20s.

Not to mention she's a relatively new mum herself at a young age, she is probably panicking that she needs her mum's support still.

Of course it's lovely news, but I think surely we can all understand how OP's daughter might be feeling to hear this so unexpectedly?

To be honest, in her shoes I'd have been horrified too. A sibling younger than your own child when you have been an only all your life.
Bit of a shock.

I'm sure you're not expecting your DD to have a sibling relationship with your baby, maybe more of an aunt role??

Sounds like there may be some jealousy at play, as she thinks her child will be competing for attention with your new baby.

I would reassure her that you will love your DGD just as much but that you won’t apologise for having a much wanted baby.

Was she hoping you would be doing child care for her child?

She needs to grow up and remember the world doesn't revolve around her.

I cannot understand how people justify to themselves outwardly having a problem with someone else's pregnancy. Who actually believes they have the RIGHT to object to someone else being happy to have a baby

She is being a fucking brat OP. Fine to be concerned etc but absolutely no need to be voicing all of that to you. I'm 23 years older than my youngest siblings (my mum had surprise twins at 43 after having me young). OK I didn't have kids of my own to consider and yes I was a bit mortified that my (I thought ) old mum was preggers again. Bit I would never have dreamed of telling her that because I had been living independently since uni and it was her choice.

Fast forward to now I have always had a great relationship with the twins. Sleepovers at mine loads when they were younger, I always made efforts for school plays etc. They're now late 20s and I'm 50 and we are all really close, regular weekends away and so on. I'm so glad that I made efforts as they grew up as they're amazing individuals who I genuinely like. Your sister could gain so much if she just opened her mind a bit. Appreciate it doesn't always turn out like this but my sisters are two of my absolute favourite people.

She’s bang out of order. Selfish and utterly immature

In fact I’d be tempted to tell her exactly what you’ve been through

It's unfortunate that she is immature enough to have expressed her thoughts/feelings rather than taking into account yours. I'm afraid this will be the first of many troubles, as i assume your new child's upbringing will be more privileged than hers if you had her as an unprepared teen? She's likely to be jealous when she sees that but ultimately she will need to accept the situation if she wants family help herself

Congratulations, hope you have a trouble free pregnancy.

Your DD can just lump it, to be honest.