To have a baby my grown dd doesn't want me to have?

There are some really aggressive posts towards the daughter. Would I be right in thinking a lot of them come from women who had babies in their late thirties/forties?

I can’t really understand the determination to call the daughter names and not to begin to understand the root of her discomfort.

Echo all of this. So minimising all the comments about free childcare. Why wouldn’t anyone want a loving close bond between their parent and their child. In my family it has became more like an auntie/uncle who they aren’t close with situation. My child sees my parent as my young siblings parent, not a grandparent. I think that’s always bound to happen.

DD1was 20 when I became pregnant with DD2 (also after several losses). To be fair, she was a bit odd about it all and worried about what it meant for her. She did come to a scan when we found out the sex of the baby but overall she wasn't that fussed by the pregnancy. But once DD2 was here she was besotted. They have the closest bond, she absolutely adores her little sister and is like a second mother. Obviously she doesn't have her own child, but it will be lovely as and when she has children of her own as DD2 will be an aunt and hopefully bond with her nieces/nephews.

Firstly congratulations to you and your partner.

On the topic of your daughter what selfish horrible way to act to your news.

She is a grown adult and is acting worse than a spoilt little child.

It wouldn't surprise me if she is worried about the lack of free childcare.

Congratulations! 💐
Many, many families are not traditional!
I have a little half-brother who is 17 years younger than me and he in turn, has a little half-sister who is almost twenty years younger than him!
DD will get over it. She's being silly n selfish but after the baby is born and she's got her head around it, I'm sure all will be well.
Wishing you all the Best.
Mel 🍰 🌻

She sounds like an entitled brat. She will have a lot of growing up to do.

This is what you say if you don't like your daughter and want her to go no contact with you.

OP is already a doting mum, to her 23 year old.

Oh congratulations! What lovely news for you after your heartbreaking losses.

Give your DD some time to come round, I'm sure she's just in shock. My mum had me at 17, and I had my DD at 21. If my mum had then become pregnant I would have been in shock but once I came round I would have embraced it.

This is kind of how it’s gone for the only
family I know to have such a vast age gap and then a grandchild inbetween the adult daughters children.

She feels she’s lost her mum don’t get me wrong they still have a relationship but it’s not a parental one at all anymore more just like distant cousins kinda thing who happen to have children the same ages. The grandchildren and child seem to think they are cousins. She doesn’t go to her mum for advice or help because there’s no point she’s too busy with her young child. Her mum ironically has asked her for childcare quite a bit 😂 She doesn’t see her sibling as a sibling because the relationship isn’t there with the mother anymore, it’s a weird mums other/new child not her sister. When they where so very close before and she wasn’t even an only child.

Of course yanbu to have a baby that you want.

I would think that it is quite rare to have a child younger than your own GC so I can see why your daughter is surprised/shocked.

She may be as nasty/selfish/whatever as posters are saying, but it could also just be sadness that the relationship that you have now will change.

You'll be a doting mum foremost, not a doting granny!

It has been said, she’s being unreasonable.

Congratulations on your pregnancy 💐

@pebblecity many congratulations! May this pregnancy be smooth and things calm down with DD when she processes this a bit 💐

@Rainydays577 your experience is valid and it's a shame you didn't have the relationship you wanted for your mum and dc. 💐

Astounded by some of the judgy, spiteful, and mean responses on this thread.

Perhaps OP’s daughter didn’t react well, but a little empathy goes a long way - it isn’t surprising that she is shocked to hear her mother is having another child when she’s in her twenties, and having to process that it will have a big impact on the relationship OP has with her and her granddaughter, and possibly getting less support from her own mum as she adjusts to motherhood herself. That doesn’t mean she’s a terrible selfish person!

Once she has come to terms with it, she’s unlikely to feel so bitter/negative about it. In an ideal world she would have processed those feelings herself and not expressed them to OP but that ship has sailed - and there’s nothing to say that OP’s granddaughter and her new baby will not grow up and have a lovely close relationship! And OP’s daughter can have more of an aunt/cousin relationship with her new sibling.

Best of luck to you OP and congratulations 💐

She is being pathetic and unkind. I'd expect a lot more from a grown adult with her own children already. She's throwing her toys out of the pram because she thinks she's losing a free babysitter.

I think it's ok to acknowledge her feelings as they are valid - l would have been a bit freaked out if my mum had announced she was pregnant when l was 23 but yanbu to crack on with your life - congratulations x

Because if anything is going to ram it down your throat that your parents are shaggingouc, it’s them having a baby. And while the OP was extremely young when she had the daughter, the daughter won’t see it that way. She’ll just see the OP as ‘mum’. And her mum having a baby younger than her own is unusual, and I think her discomfort is perfectly understandable.

Very surprised at all the responses on here. From someone who has been in exactly the position of your daughter I understand how she feels. The sadness that I don’t have a normal (adult) child - parent relationship and my child doesn’t have a decent grandparent - grandchild relationship has never left me. Don’t delude yourself that you can be a good grandparent and parent to your adult child alongside caring for a very young child. The latter is too demanding as you already know having experienced. I really feel for your DD.

She sounds incredibly spoit and has had her nose put out of joint by having had you all to herself for 23 years
Now a sibling is coming along and her DC won't be the youngest either.

You're 40 for heavens sake, it's hardly old age.

Your DD is completely out of order. Even if she’s shocked or has worries around your pregnancy, at 23 years old she is old enough to react with tact and address her reservations by herself.

Don’t allow her to influence your decision.

A friend of mine is 50 and has 3 children from previous mariage, 19, 21 and 22. He got married again 2 years ago and they've had a baby 1 year ago- born 3 weeks before his 21 yr old daughter's. Everyone's happy - son and gs are growing up together- and both couples taking it in turn to give the others a break. Wonderful.

She needs to get over herself and grow the fuck up 😬

And congratulations on your pregnancy 👏

As others have said nothing to do with her
Congrats 😇

Your daughter is a pathetic spoil brat.

Its not her choice to make.

Remind her, she doesn't get a say in how many children she has, anymore than she gets in how many you have.

She needs to get the fuck over herself.

Massive congratulations OP!