To have a baby my grown dd doesn't want me to have?

Congratulations OP!

Of course YANBU to be havjng your baby.

However, just take a while to see it from your DD’s POV.

I was delighted to be able to tell my Mum she was going to be a grandmother, and delighted in the way she developed a special grandparent bond. She was almost sac joyful to be a grandmother as I was to be a mother.

Your Dd might feel that that relationship is now upstaged, that you will be more interested in your new baby than in her and her baby.

Prove her wrong, that you still love her and your grandchild, make sure you put a toddler bed in the bsby’s room, keep up being a grandmother alongside mother.

I am sure she will come round when the surprise wears off.

She just needs time to get used to the idea OP. It has probably come as a big shock to her.

I completely agree with all of this.

You chose not to tell her that you were ttc or about your losses, of course this was your perogative but you can't moan that she is now shocked that you're pregnant. The thought of you having another baby probably didn't even occur to her. Also her reaction may seem insensitive after your struggle to concieve, but if she had no idea then she won't realise that she should be tactful. Give her time.

Its not her business. If my Mum had listened to my two (evil) half sisters when she was a Grandma of 44 and pregnant with me (they were 19 and 21) I wouldn’t be here.

Just don’t leave her alone with the child unless you’re sure she genuinely loves him/her. Speaking from experience.

My sisters never got over it and I haven’t seen either them or their kids since I was old enough to refuse. Which was about 40 years ago. Families, who’d have em.

I actually feel sorry for your daughter.

Were you having someone of a 'mid-life' crisis? Most people get a dog. I can't imagine having a baby at 40 if i were already a grandma. That's how she's seeing it and I can see it from her pov. I can almost see if if she didn't already have a baby, but it's almost as if you've said that baby hasn't scratched the itch! You've had to go and make your own again basically putting her baby wayyy down the pecking order in terms of importance to you.

^^ Not saying I agree with all of this, just that I can see why she feels the way that she does.

"it's biologically 100% normal and appropriate to feel disgusted at the idea of parents having sex"

@distinctpossibility

You sure about that?

You may be "emotionally" disgusted but not everyone is.

Congrats op 😊

Did you even read the thread at all?

Your dd is being immature, because she's young. She's also being perfectly normal. If your husband had brought in a new, younger wife, you wouldn't be happy. But, you expect your daughter to be pleased at your having a new, younger child, replacing her when she's left your home and making her precious baby budge up to make room. None of that is reasonable and I expect she'll get over it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Look forward to your precious, wanted baby.

My grandma was two months younger than her nephew. It worked out ok.

There's also the icky thing that mum and dad have been doing it...

Ohhh... the "queen is being dethroned"... how dare you have another child bad mother! On a serious note... I think all single kids with no brothers/sisters get royally pissed off when they loose their leading status, it's a natural reaction, I see it around me all the time. Don't worry OP, she'll get used to it and eventually come to terms with the fact she's having a sister and will be over the moon once she's born, she just needs some adjustment.

She'll come round to the idea I'm sure. There was a huge age gap between me and my oldest sister (same parents) and as adults she was one of my best friends. A friend of mine also had her youngest 3 years after her eldest had a DD.

I also had 2 friends at school who were uncle and nephew in the same year at school, nephew born September and Uncle born the following July.

It's really not that unusual.

having to process that it will have a big impact on the relationship OP has with her and her granddaughter, and possibly getting less support from her own mum as she adjusts to motherhood herself. That doesn’t mean she’s a terrible selfish person!

Objecting to her mum having a baby, on the grounds that means her mum might not be able to give all her attention to her and her child is pretty much the definition of selfishness, because she's thinking solely of herself and what she wants and she doesn't give a shit about her mum's happiness.

If she was 14, I'd say cut her some slack, but she's TWENTY-THREE and has a child of her own. The fact that the daughter thinks the OP and her DH should be keeping a spare room in THEIR house for the sole use of HER child, at the expense of having a child of their own, is one of the most selfish and entitled things I've ever heard in my life.

Well, of course it's your choice and not hers. Certainly not something I would do though. I had a baby at 18 too and starting all over again with an adult DC and a grandchild, couldn't think of anything worse.

The cheek of it. Congratulations, it's nothing to do with her

She needs to grow up. 23 years old with a partner and child of her own and she's upset that her child won't have it's own bedroom in your house. Give me strength

Did she let you in on the decision on whether to have her baby ? I don't think she should have a say in this at all although she'll probably continue to share her opinion with you.
She will come round.
Congratulations !

Yep, my grandfather had an aunt that was 2 years his junior. I'd venture to say it was probably a regular occurance in the past before there was reliable birth control. My great great grandmother had 11.

Lovely news for you OP. It’s absolutely nothing to do with your daughter — she’s just had her nose put out of joint. Admittedly it’s an unusual situation these days, but also v cool. Her daughter is going to have an uncle or aunt younger than she is, which I think is awesome.

I can see why your dd feels the way she does. She was hoping for a doting granny who wants to spend time with her grandchild, be apple of her eye etc but that isn't going to be the case as you will have a baby of your own.

She has obviously been a little rude about expressing herself but I don't think it's surprising

I think people are being really really harsh on your daughter. She feels how she feels, and the one person she should be able to go to with her upset is not available.

it doesn’t sound like she has asked you to have an abortion, and I am sure there is a whole complexity of feelings for her. The general consensus here seems to be that she should be told to shut the fuck and fuck off. I don’t think that’s a good idea at all.

Is it possible that she has also recently had a miscarriage and this has come at a time which rubs salt in the wound?

Congratulations.
I'd let dd off for the shock this once, then give her some stern words if she is negative about your pregnancy again

As someone in a similar situation (my youngest sister is a couple of months older than my dd, my dd was more of a surprise), I agree with others that it will change the dynamic and not necessarily for the better. My DD and younger sister did play together when small but my mother was not really a granny to DD and very clearly prioritised my sister’s wants rather than treating them fairly if there was a disagreement. DD has a very distant relationship with my mother now she’s an adult-DD sends a duty card on her birthday and present at Christmas but that’s it-because the normal grand parental relationship wasn’t available.

Is DH also your DDs dad?

I have a young friend who is the same age as your daughter and is horrified as her mother is now pregnant with a boyfriend she has never got on with. For her, it’s nothing to do with bedrooms and everything to do with her mother permanently tying herself to someone she doesn’t like.

Just wondering whether there’s something you haven’t taken into account.

@namechanged0

Your husbands siblings sound like idiots, sorry he's had to put up with thier jealousy.

I'd stop seeing them if I were him, I have a low tolerance for childish bullshit.

It's going to take time for her to get used to the idea but hopefully she'll come round.

Congrats on your pregnancy