To have a baby my grown dd doesn't want me to have?

She is being outrageously selfish. Congrats Op

There is nothing petty about this, I hope you are nicer to people irl.
It's very unusual to have siblings younger than your sibling, it must be a strange situation to be in. She has been an only child and now probably feels what any child, young or old, feels when a new sibling comes along. She may be 23 but she still does not want to feel unimportant, and it will happen with a new baby on board.
There of course is an element of selfishness to her reaction, but if my parents told me when I was 23 they were having another baby Id thought they were insane. Good for them and they should not be giving up on a baby, but also the daughters reaction is not too out there.

I'm sure she'll get used to the idea, once she's had some time for the news to sink in. Perhaps if she knew it is a much wanted baby and about your losses she would be a bit more understanding. Maybe she thinks the pregnancy is unplanned.

I have a DB who is 12 years younger than me. He and his gf are planning to try for a baby this year. I also have a DGD, so DB is a great uncle before he's even a dad!

How? Why? The OP and her DD obviously had their first children very young.

it isn’t surprising for an older sibling to come along. It actually used to be incredibly normal!

My youngest (half) brother is 17 years younger than I am.

I had a lot of complicated feelings when he (and my older half brother) was born.

but calling your pregnancy disgusting? Not wanting you to have a much wished for child?

it‘s incredibly out of line. It’s also mean-spirited and selfish, I would expect much better from anyone.

and most importantly: congratulations! Your pregnancy is great news and I hope you’ll manage to enjoy this moment despite everything

Weirded out for what reason?

Of course you should go ahead and have your much-wanted baby! And lose the guilt, this has absolutely nothing to do with your daughter - she is a grown adult with a home and a child of her own. I could understand her resentment if she lived with you and you were throwing her out of the house to make room for the new baby but as it is you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong and she’s being totally unreasonable. Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy and new baby.

@pebblecity To give another perspective - I am living with this exact position except I am the grandchild. (My mum had me when she was 20, then my gran had a baby (my aunt) a year after I was born). So my aunt is younger than me and her sister (my mum) is 20 years older than her.

it is weird. And I feel differently now I’m older. My mum always felt that I missed out on having ‘proper’ grandparents (which I did in a way) and she has no real relationship with her sister - how could she really when she’s younger than me. As children though, my aunt and I grew up together and it was fun.

Families relationships and dynamics are complicated.

I’m kind of Team DD here too. I’d be more than a bit weirded out in her shoes. The posters calling her names need to chill out.

Congratulations OP!
I can understand why your 23 year old daughter is a bit upset though. It will take time to work through her feelings and adjust.
23 is still young and the brain hasn't stopped developing. It's an emotional reaction and as your her mum there's no filter.
Clearly it will impact her, your relationship may change, your new baby will be your focus. You will have less time and energy to support her.
If she's been used to being an only child this will also come as a bit of a shock. Tbh I don't think my teen/ early 20s DC probably wouldn't be impressed if I said I was pregant!
Although she's an adult I would still tread gently, let her know how much you love her and your DGC and give her time to come round.
She may also feel that you have" stepped on her toes" in terms of it being her time to be a new mum and feel you wont be there as a GP.
Added to that she may possibly feel a bit resentful if new DC has a better lifestyle / more opportunities than she had growing up and perhaps better than she can offer her own DC.
It's probably a whole load of complex emotions but I'm sure she will come round especially if you give her time , include her and reassure her.

I know this is against the grain but I feel really sorry for her. I imagine she will come round but it must be a huge shock for her. To her you have become grandparent, but now you'll be busy with your own younger baby and will be dealing with nappies and school runs etc of your own.

Congratulations OP. Hope your pregnancy goes smoothly.

I had a child at 44 and my step children were late twenties when he was born. They’re all very close and get on incredibly well and it’s so funny to see similar character traits developing in the youngest even though he’s never lived with the older two. 😂

Try not to worry about your DD. She probably just needs time to get used to the idea and she might not mellow until she sees that it won’t affect your relationship with her and your granddaughter.

At the end of the day, it's got to be weird as fuck for her. It's not fair because you are only 40, but there is something about your child's grandparent having a baby that does seem just a bit ick.

At the end of the day, you've done nothing wrong and it's not your daughter's decision, although maybe you should have let her know you were trying.

She'll probably come round, so I'd give her some time and not judge her too harshly for her initial reaction.

Not all do.

I seen some cry in delight that finally they are "like everyone else" even though their sibling is 15+ years younger than them. 😂

Anyway if the OP lives close to her adult DD then due to the age gap between children they can play with one another. I know a few adults who have one or more older nephews and nieces. They treat them like brother/sister rather than their actual brother/sister.

How rude! The OP is only 40 and if she wants another baby of her own that’s perfectly fine, a grandchild however much wanted and loved, is not the same. Hopefully the DD will realise she is being silly and support her mother. The children will grow up together, they won’t care about the relationship.

Exactly what i wanted to say as well

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

She’ll get over it. My friend became a big sister at 26, her brother was 29. They were fine and happy for dad and step mum. Both of them ended up having their own children not long after little sister was born now all 3 small children play together and they all take turns helping each other out.

My Gran had a nephew two years older than her, and I've known of 3 individual "sets" of uncle/nephew being in the same nursery class (I worked there). My cousin has a 1 year old and an almost 21 year old. My colleague has a 7 year old and a 5 year old grandchild..
This isn't a new or massively unusual thing!

She'll get over it. Let her sulk until she does.

@Isittimeformynapyet not to derail but plenty of psychologists have theorised it's an anti-incest thing, which does make sense to me 💁

Congratulations OP! Hope you have an easy pregnancy, and enjoy the new baby!

It's not really surprising that your daughter has some feelings about this - but ultimately it's up to her to cope. My BiL has a much younger brother and he's never really forgiven him for the fact that their parents had much more resources when his brother was born so he got opportunities my BiL didn't have at that age. It isn't anyone's fault if that happens.

Also, I know a family locally where this has happened. The two children (technically uncle and nephew but in reality more like cousins) are very close and have a lot of sleepovers.

No suggestion the daughter is still at home. In fact as the Ops grandchild has sleepovers occasionally, I would say she definitely isn't!!

Objectively, you are not going to be the same level as devoted grandparent compared to if you weren't having your own child. You won't be as emotionally or practically available. And your daughter probably got used to things being the way they were and assumed they would continue.

BUT it's your life and you have every right to have another child. Or do whatever you want, in fact. Move abroad, travel the world, sell your house and spend the money on whatever you desire.

Your daughter is being self-involved and immature. I understand why she is feeling the way she is, but she should have kept her feelings to herself and pretended to be happy for you.

Congrats OP. However, I can understand her being rather horrified. This is completely out of step with the ‘natural order’ of things for her to have a sister who is younger than her own child. . Your daughter will be younger than your grand daughter. I find that a bit strange so I can understand that she does.

Ofc you must continue with your wanted pg. But it must be a huge shock for her so let her acclimatise to this in her own time. I think people are being very harsh to your daughter. I feel sorry for her really.

Wow.