To have a baby my grown dd doesn't want me to have?

I'd have hated it if my Mum had another child when I was 23 and maybe needed some help with my child. I like to think I'd have hidden it better.

I think everyone is being really harsh on the daughter. She had no idea her mum was trying for another baby or about her losses. She is an adult and her mother is a grandmother, now her mother is going to have a new baby and that is bound to make her feel in the least - a bit weirded out! Hopefully she will come round, but I would reassure her it won’t affect how much you love her or your grandchild and that it’s just another person to love.

@OhmygodDont

im sure she has been exposed to other women in her life getting pregnant in their thirties and forties

I think everyone is being a bit harsh on the daughter here. She’s a young mum herself with a one year old, and how many of us have relied on our own Mums for emotional if not practical support when we had babies? Now she’s looking at not only losing that support but possibly being in the position of having to provide it to her Mum instead.

I have two half sisters who are 3 months younger than my youngest child.

Edited to add that my eldest was 8 when they were born

We don't see them anymore (their mother's choice) since my dad died but it was lovely at the time.

Your daughter is being ridiculous.

Well she learnt off her mum 😂 can’t have it both ways. If ops daughter was too young so was op.

Your daughter is probably concerned she'll end up parenting your new baby, which is a very valid feeling considering the age gap - not your age, theirs, there is no way they will have any kind of sibling relationship when one is so much younger than the other. Also, why did you thank people for the kind words whilst completely ignoring the people who have name called and insulted your child? Very weird.

@OhmygodDont

yep!

so maybe it’s not that op is old to be having a baby

but more that her daughter is young to be having a baby

Your grandchild can help with their future aunt or uncle. There will be a two year age gap and they might love to be the big helper. They will probably also have a much closer relationship (growing up together) than your daughter will have with her sibling and that's ok too.

Well indeed and as such not many grandmothers have babies at the same time as theirs daughter anymore.

@brightyellowflower

40 really isn’t that old to be having a baby hun. We ain’t in the 1950s anymore.

Wasn't that Sue Radford pregnant at the same time as one of her daughters?
The age gap between her oldest and youngest children must be huge.

Because 20 year sibling age gaps are more than a bit unusual!!

OPs daughter can feel as uncomfortable as she wants. I'm sure she didn't consider everyone else's comfort levels with her own pregnancy 🧐.

It's hardly the same scenario though, is it? I wouldn't consider my parents feelings if I was to have a baby, but I would expect someone to think about their existing DC's feelings if they were to plan another baby..

Wow that's a crazy age gap! What is their relationship like? That age gap is nearly 10 years more than the one between my parents and I.

To the “ick

I’ve got to be honest. I suspect some of your DD’s response will be down the the “pick my mum and dad have had sex”. It’s one thing to assume your parents have a love life, something else entirely when it’s so obviously confirmed.

She needs a bit of an adjustment period but I think it’ll be okay long term.

Similar happened to one of my friends, although she was pregnant at the same time as her mum. She had a similar reaction. Mainly due to being quite taken aback and shocked as she had no idea her mum wanted more kids after so long. But also felt a bit sad as it inevitably changed the dynamic as her mum was going to be busy and sleep-deprived with her own newborn rather than the supportive grandparent my friend felt she needed (obviously you can still be supportive but no denying having your own newborn will put big limits on this)

She also felt a bit embarrassed at the whole ‘baby has an aunt/uncle who is younger’ and said it was like something off Jeremy Kyle 🤣 Even now a few years on she refers to the kids as cousins and doesn’t like to tell people the relationship!

But for the best part she got over it. These things happen, it used ti be common back in the day.

My Dd is 21, her half brother is 53, she is a great aunt to her niece's newbie, no problems at all on any front, families come in many forms. She'll probably love the baby when it arrives

Yeah, they don't have much of a relationship strangely enough

I agree with this. When I was 23, my parents were in their mid 40s. I'd have been really weirded out of my mum told me she was pregnant. I can't explain why. If OP's dd was a teen mum then I could understand an auntie/uncle and niece/nephew being a similar age. It's a lot to get your head around so OP's dd just needs some space.

Conflict of interest is why they anit here 😂

I would imagine she's worried she'll have to start babysitting for your baby lol. Congratulations to you both tho, a baby is always a blessing especially a most wanted one x

I didn't say her happiness didn't matter to OP, or at all on anything did I?

I said it doesn't matter about this, because it doesn't.

OP having a baby at this age when her adult daughter is independent and has her own family impacts sooo little on her adult daughters life, OP can support another child, wants another child and is excited to be having another child that really NOBODY else's happiness except the 2 people who came together to create this baby really matters.

OPs daughter can feel as uncomfortable as she wants. I'm sure she didn't consider everyone else's comfort levels with her own pregnancy 🧐.

Where are all the posters who say that young people's brains aren't fully developed until they're 25 and should be forgiven their feelings?

I don't believe for a minute that all the posters calling this young woman selfish and all kinds of names, would, at 23, have been so accepting of their mother and grandmother to their child, announcing their pregnancy. I'm as certain as I can be that the vast majority would be shocked, and worried about what it would mean for their relationship with their mum, and their mum's relationship with her grandchild.

As a pp pointed out, she had no warning of this. It's come out of the blue. She hasn't had time to process any of this, and yes, she's only 23. Give her a break. The vast majority of us wouldn't have handled it any better at that age.