To think it’s very hard to live in the uk without inheritance or family money?

@Sususudio
Congratulations to your DS, he sounds amazing. Which subject did he go on to study?

I am interested to know more about what he did and when his mindset changed?

I do think that people have slightly lost sight of the idea that everything (especially time) has an opportunity cost.

For example, you can’t:

Take a gap year;
A four year degree including a year abroad with all the extra expenses that entails;
Relax over all your university summers, going to festivals and seeing friends;
Go travelling when you graduate for a year or two;
Come home and wait around for a bit while you decide on your direction;
Embark on an expensive postgraduate course to ‘retrain’ in your chosen career;

…then wake up in your late twenties surprised that you have student loans up to your ears and your friend who started work at 21 is now in a much better position than you are.

No inheritance or family money for me or DH. He came from a middle class background but I grew up in a rented council flat, my dad worked in a shop and claims pension credit now. DH and I have a very comfortable life, a 4 bed house in London and 2 dc in private school, we are going to Florida for our Easter holiday. Most of our income comes from DH's salary who is talented in a niche field.

Honestly what people consider as standard these days is bonkers . People expect to have a two car , detached house and at least two holidays a year to be considered average where in fact it's absolutely not.
There is a reply problem with the next generation who view all these things as standard and their 'right' rather than extreme luxury .

Both me and my dh were very lucky to have gone to university but after that got nothing from out parents. We held off having kids for a few years so we could save for a house deposit and I went back to work after 6 months in Mat leave:
We're now comfortable with all of the above but it required hard work by both of us to get there for nearly 20 years .

@Sususudio
Not suggesting that you should do so of course, but I do know someone who has changed both her names (to a very generic English name) and she seems to have gone from strength to strength in her professional life. Every time I open up Linkedin she is on there!

I’m genuinely interested in this because it’s not at all my experience (posted upthread). Is this all in your same home town? So in your town your parents could live as you describe in a sole bus driver salary but you cannot with 2x professional salaries, or have you moved to, say, SE?

my experience (age 42) is of growing up really pretty skint in the 1980s (no hols abroad, second hand clothes, take outs for birthdays only, children sharing bedrooms - all very happy but not rich) and having more luxuries and a bigger house now as an adult than my parents (as a pretty high earner - zero help other than I once got £1,500 for my 30th bday!). But that’s all in the same, non-SE home town. I wonder if this distortion / difference / generational decline is really a SE thing??

I think you're absolutely right. I look at my parents my dad was a bus driver my mum didn't work until we left home. They had a large three-bed semi and a nice part of a very average town. My dad went to the pub two or three nights a week. They've always had dogs and kids, we were dressed in new clothes, always had a car, bikes, went to watch the football most weekends and the cinema.
We went on two cheap but cheerful holidays a year abroad.

DH and I have professional jobs, both work full time and permanently skint. We might manage one holiday a year abroad and then camping or staying at friends. Mainly were charity shop clothes, one shite car, smaller house, it's not comparable.

Standard of living for many people is decreasing which is why it’s more important than ever to make sure you plan your future as much as possible. Live at home as long as you can while saving as much as you can. Education while you’re single and carefree. Boyfriend, house/marriage then children. If you mess with that order it will be more difficult. Not impossible but more difficult if you’re only an average earner. The order doesn’t make as much difference if you earn a high salary.

I think you are being a bit greedy to be honest.

I have had nothing since 18. DH had £2000 when his mum died. We are doing okay. We are not well off, but we have a house, have holidays, and cheap days out.

I'm doing okay with a lot of family support (contributing to car, house, inheritance) but I know people who have no support that have done so much better completely on their own.

We have no "family money", nor inheritance had/coming... we pootle along. We don't go for coffee, buy new cars, or upgrade devices before obsolescence takes hold.
Kids are (both) at uni now, so we have had to cut out all unnecessary expense to pay towards their rent, as they get below maximum maintenance loan.

But pootling along is underrated... stress is lower when you haven't got a lot to look after.

News story based on research into bank of mum and dad

www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/mortgageshome/article-12445741/amp/Bank-Mum-Dad-contribute-47-house-purchases-year.html

Growing up I knew what we had and what life we as a family had. I genuinely had not idea what friends had, where they want on holiday or how many cars they had. Some closer friends I would go to their homes but a wider circle I wouldn't. I think nowadays with social media etc more people display what they have and what they do and expectations are therefore higher and it promotes a vicious circle

I was in my 30s before i bought a house, my eldest was 18. I didn't go back to work until my youngest was 3. I saved and saved, my children had enough of everything i.e one pair of trainers, 4 or 5 outfits and a small amount of pocket money each week to spend or save as they pleased. They had 2 overseas holidays during their whole childhood but then we had been lucky to live overseas for a few years. Eating out was maybe once a month, Picnics were the norm, cinema was rare and birthday and Christmas presents were something they really wanted with a £100 limit for Christmas and half of that for birthdays.
I worked my backside off and gave myself a small cash budget every week, when it was gone it was gone and that is why i could retire in my 40s. If you want to spend £40 on a mobile contract, £40 on sky tv, £10 a day on lunch and takeaway coffee, £300 a month a car and thousands every year eating out as well as thousands every year entertaining the children every weekend that is you choice. We all make choices but you have to learn to take responsibility for you choices, don't blame anyone else but yourself.

@coxesorangepippin I agree. But your comment makes it clear we are talking about the middle class here.

What's living well? The more you earn the more you will spend. Does your DH work at all OP? Even if he earns minium wage you still have a joint income unlike some other people.

The fact that there are no subsidized nurseries in the UK is huge.

Women take a massive career hit/financial hit during their most lucrative professional years.

I completely disagree. Expectations are much higher than they were say, in the seventies. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean that people are left feeling dissatisfied with their lot. There has always been a hug poverty gap in this country (as in others), we just hoped that by now it would be better - it's not. At the same time, it's not worse. For example, when I was growing up, no-one expected every child to have their own bedroom; families were lucky to have one car, one tv. We had no telephone, no central heating. However, we did have holidays in France every year (camping), birthday parties, own home, etc. Buy a cheap house in a quiet town. Buy a bike and stick with one car. Let your children share a bedroom. Cook from scratch. You'll be amazed at how well you get on!

I agree there are parts of the UK that you can not live unless you are well off. They are not going to be able to get carers when they all get old.

In answer to the OP I think it depends which part of the UK you want to live in. Anecdotally where I live, being priced out has caused many families at my DS’s primary school to move out, he is in 6th form so change of demographic even in the last 10 years. We have lots of DFLs (Down From London) that pushed up prices though.

I'm on £32K pro rata for four days, alongside one day's freelance work at about £150 per day. No childcare as nobody ever came along who I'd have had children with, live alone in a small 3 bed with a mortgage. Doing fine. I do drive an old car though (a nice one but olde nonethless!) and don't go on fancy holidays.

It's definitely hard. I've never received any inheritance from my dad who passed when I was a child, or any other relatives who've passed on.
I may or may not get something from my mum but I'd rather she has enough to live on in her old age. I know quite a few successful people with property and money that did not come from family. Though anyone I knew who'd bought somewhere in their 20s always had help.

I should add it was a stretch but my Mum didn’t want to live in a flat or a semi as she didn’t want neighbours.

But Wimbledon wasn’t cheaper just pre-war, my parents bought a detached property there for an affordable amount in the 70s, they came from working class families but both went to uni on grants. So their normal professions of teacher and Economist afforded them that at 25!!