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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH cant come to this

463 replies

KatieBr · 18/03/2024 07:59

So I am working away in London for a few nights (never had to before so don't really understand the rules)

DH said as neither of us have been to London, he could join me (obviously pay for his own transport) but surely he wont be able to stay in my hotel room?

OP posts:
Vistada · 18/03/2024 13:08

it would be fine where i work!!

On work trips to nice places (states, spain, italy etc) I've always either gone early or stayed late. Obv accommodation is at our cost but if the business is paying for a return flight they're not fussed when.

I think let him!

BarrelOfOtters · 18/03/2024 13:07

BusyMummy001 · 18/03/2024 13:05

yes, he can stay in your bedroom. You just need to ask the concierge to separate out his expenses on your bill and pay for his on a separate bill.

Really common for spouses to go on business trips, provided they pay their own fare. DH is promising me a trip to Singapore in the next few years and is saving is BA air miles so that we can do for free on one of his annual office trips.

Companies don’t mind so long as it doesn’t interfere with your work when you are there.

Love the idea of a concierge in a Premier Inn...

DappledThings · 18/03/2024 13:07

You just need to ask the concierge to separate out his expenses on your bill and pay for his on a separate bill.
It's a Premier Inn. No concierge, no in-room expenses.

Spywoman · 18/03/2024 13:06

Boomboxio · 18/03/2024 09:08

Why though?

Do you feel the same about all other UK cities?

I've been to London a few times and wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

I can understand you not recommending it to people who don't like busy, noisy environments. But it's crazy not to recommend it to anyone.

If you like culture, sport, history, food, clubs, bars, art, museums etc, etc, etc. London is one of the best places in the world to visit, which is why so many tourists come from all over the world.

It's also very easy to get around and there are tons of free things to go to.

There are lots of negatives too: it's expensive, noisy, busy, dirty in places, some rude people and so on. But for many, many people the positives hugely outweigh the negatives.

BusyMummy001 · 18/03/2024 13:05

yes, he can stay in your bedroom. You just need to ask the concierge to separate out his expenses on your bill and pay for his on a separate bill.

Really common for spouses to go on business trips, provided they pay their own fare. DH is promising me a trip to Singapore in the next few years and is saving is BA air miles so that we can do for free on one of his annual office trips.

Companies don’t mind so long as it doesn’t interfere with your work when you are there.

ACynicalDad · 18/03/2024 13:00

If one of my team asked, I'd say fine; if I found out afterwards, I'd think it unprofessional not to have cleared it with me.

starfleet · 18/03/2024 12:58

IfYouDontAsk · 18/03/2024 11:18

It’s not helpful to say “against company policy” as though this is a fact when some companies specifically say that this is fine as long as the partner doesn’t incur the company any costs.

OP, as others have said, best to double check with your company’s policy on this or directly with your HR department to make sure they’re ok with it.

As an aside, I always recommend the free Citymapper app (or I think you can just access it as a website too) to anyone unfamiliar with London. You enter in your destination and your starting point and the app/website will calculate all the different public transport options for getting there (including which tube lines to take, which station to transfer between lines, which station exit to take etc) and will even estimate the cost of travelling by taxi. It’s excellent.

I'd second the suggestion of using the Citymapper app. My DS moved to London recently and made me download it. It's a revelation. Has made a huge difference when navigating the city. I've visited for years as my DSis also lived there but relied mainly on a tube map to get around. I tend to take buses now as it is so easy.

toomuchfaff · 18/03/2024 12:56

Your hotel room is simply accommodation, i'd think nothing of having my DH or a girl pal stay over if i were in London and she were available - as long as my work time and associated activities are not impacted - dont stress it - he pays for his own travel, you guys get to spend the evening (or whatever is your non work time) together!

RitaIncognita · 18/03/2024 12:54

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 18/03/2024 08:04

It would be absolutely fine in any job I've ever had, as long as you asked permission first and he didn't just rock up.

Same for me (but I am in the US, so there could be differences in expectation). As long as DH paid for any additional charges, I have been able to do this several times with different employers.

cardibach · 18/03/2024 12:52

MonsteraMama · 18/03/2024 10:01

I've travelled to hundreds of places all over the world but never been to London.

It's not a lack of curiosity, it's a lack of interest. London holds zero interest for me. I'm always staggered that people think non-londoners should be all starry eyed and amazed and excited to visit.

While I think it’s completely reasonable if someone hasn’t been to London and think people assuming everyone has are mad, I find this a bit confusing as a viewpoint. You’ve been to lots of cities round the world, so it’s not as though you hate cities. You were interested enough in them to travel internationally, which is more difficult than getting to London from most of the U.K. London has a wide variety of interesting things, just like other cities, -history, architecture, museums, theatre and concert halls etc. I’m a bit confused what made you interested in the other cities but not in a London

mydamnfootstuckinthedoor · 18/03/2024 12:52

Just ask, your company will tell you their rules. My DH stayed with me several times both home and abroad. As long as he pays all hi own expenses, nobody cares.

KenAdams · 18/03/2024 12:51

How old are you? Where do you need to get from/to?

Ginnnny · 18/03/2024 12:50

Definitely allowed, as long as you tell your manager/boss/finance person right away, and cover any additional costs for him at the hotel. My DP has come away with me a couple of times if I go somewhere decent with work as it cuts the costs a bit for us :)

Therealjudgejudy · 18/03/2024 12:48

I thought you said he had never been to London?

Does he have form for treating you like a child?

KateMiskin · 18/03/2024 12:47

Well, some kids on the Tube in - especially the Whitgift kids from Croydon- look very young. Maybe 10-12 then

NoBinturongsHereMate · 18/03/2024 12:46

KatieBr · 18/03/2024 08:07

I was fine until I mentioned it to DH, he was like do you really want to get on the tube to central London by yourself, I wouldn't recommend it!

In light of this, I'd definitely recommend going on your own. It's central London, not Mordor.

And there's no need to watch YouTube videos on 'how to use the Tube'! Look at the map, note whether you want north/south/east/west bound and the colour of the line, swipe your debit or credit card at the entrance ticket gate, follow the signs, swipe the same card at the exit gate. It's not difficult.

Sunshineandpinkclouds · 18/03/2024 12:42

KateMiskin · 18/03/2024 12:35

8-year-olds do this in London.

8 really? My 14yr old does - I definitely would not let my 10yr alone on the tube in central London and I'm a Londoner.

Back to the OP- you'll be fine as long as you're streetwise to certain things - I have seen pickpockets on the tube where someone grabbed a woman's handbag and ran off with it just as the tube door was closing so make sure you hold onto your bags and don't leave them open!

Starspangledrodeopony · 18/03/2024 12:42

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 18/03/2024 11:14

Genuinely astonished how people get so far in life when they are scared to go into Central London by themselves or get the tube. I've travelled to Batumi, Georgia on my own, come on people!

It’s very sad. So fearful that they miss out on so much. Even London.

KateMiskin · 18/03/2024 12:40

If my DH infantilised me by saying "Do you really want to go on a Tube by yourself" I wouldn't take him. He doesn't even say it when I travel to Asia on my own!

TimeandMotion · 18/03/2024 12:40

Picklestop · 18/03/2024 08:44

Covering the difference should be a given, to the point I am not even sure why people are mentioning it as it is so obvious. Nobody needs to be told not to cheat on expenses surely?

But nobody bat an eyelid? I have been regularly travelling with work since 1992, within multinationals and many colleagues have travelled a lot as well. I can only recall a handful of occasions when somebody has brought a spouse on a work trip. I have never known it to be banned but it is far from normal and I think in some circumstances it could look unprofessional and can sometimes provoke comments about people wanting subsidised holidays.

Perhaps you don’t know that their partners were with them.

I work in a very corporate environment and used to be based in one Asian country and travel to others quite regularly. My husband often came with me and sometimes we’d tag on a weekend after the work bit was done. It was all cleared with my employer but I wasn’t in the habit of mentioning to any of my colleagues or clients that he was there too. Obviously the work came first, including any evening socialising with colleagues. He’d work remotely or take leave if he had it.

I used to go on some of his work trips too, and sometimes I was able to visit colleagues in one of our local offices when my accommodation was paid by my husband’s company, so it was a plus for my employer, who would not have had budget to fund such a trip.

BeyondMyWits · 18/03/2024 12:39

It depends... where I worked any training away days were valuable for the networking out of hours which I wouldn't have been happy for DH to tag along to. So we would have had no time at all together other than bed and at breakfast.

Would try to find out how it normally goes from anyone who had been before.

KateMiskin · 18/03/2024 12:35

KatieBr · 18/03/2024 08:07

I was fine until I mentioned it to DH, he was like do you really want to get on the tube to central London by yourself, I wouldn't recommend it!

8-year-olds do this in London.

Jasmin1971 · 18/03/2024 12:30

Just ask? My DP came all the way to San Francisco with me on a work conference once upon a time. Just paid for his flight and meals.

DappledThings · 18/03/2024 12:29

TimeandMotion · 18/03/2024 12:27

To me, the tube is what makes London easier to navigate than a city without a fixed network. Understanding bus routes and which stop to get off at is much more complicated than following a map, clearly labelled stations, colour coded signs in the tunnels and very obviously visible “Underground” signs in the street.

Absolutely. And I extend this to any city. Far easier navigating any big city with an underground network than a smaller one or anywhere rural relying on buses.

TimeandMotion · 18/03/2024 12:27

Hadjab · 18/03/2024 12:17

Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner, but I don't get the fear that seems to grip people from outside in regards to the city and the Tube. London is like Manchester or Newcastle or Glasgow, I've never been mugged/assaulted/whatever in any of them. It's just a city, that actually, you can't really get lost in, not when there are buses, the Tube and Ubers.

To me, the tube is what makes London easier to navigate than a city without a fixed network. Understanding bus routes and which stop to get off at is much more complicated than following a map, clearly labelled stations, colour coded signs in the tunnels and very obviously visible “Underground” signs in the street.

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