Autism in babies…

Both of my DS (16 and 12) were extremely unsettled babies. Now diagnosed Autistic.
DS16 walked when he was 10 months but he's now the most uncoordinated young man. And very delayed and disordered speech. I didn't think about autism until he was 3. I found a video of him when he was 12 months old we took on holiday. He was stood at the edge of the sea, squeezing his hands (stimming) repeatedly and just staring at the water.

DS12 walked aged 19 months. He could jump before he could walk. Again, delayed speech.
Once he hit 6 months old he was the most happy delightful baby. Any sudden movements or noises though it was game over.

He didn't get his diagnosis till he was 7 - his eye contact was too good age 4 😂🙄

I thought my baby hated me. He did none of the things you read about, all that gazing into your eyes as bonding while feeding stuff? Nope. He hated it. He fed constantly and used me as a dummy but he didn't want to be looked at or interacted with while doing it. He woke up every two hours from the day he was born until he was 15 months old when it got a bit more varied but he still clearly believed sleep was for the weak.
Even as a newborn he'd react horribly whenever I cuddled him. Screaming, arching his back. Like I said, I believed he hated me.

He was DX with autism at two and a half.

However his little brother did all that bonding stuff you read about. Loved interactions, loved cuddles, slept like a log.

It was a shock when he was DX with autism when he was three. He went through the classic regression you read about whereas my eldest looking back was clearly displaying strong signs of autism from birth.

My first DC was fussy and had tantrums, met all mile stones early. Walked 10 months. Shy. Talked clearly and well.

Second DC was not fussy, few tantrums, met milestones early. Walked 9 months. Extra social. Needed speech therapy.

Third DC was laid back, hardly any tantrums, met mile stones early. Walked 10 1/2 months. Very cheerful,sometimes shy and an excellent talker.

Fourth DC was also laid back, hardly any tantrums, met mile stones early. Walked 9 months and was not shy and speech was confident.

None of the kids slept through the night until 11 months.
All woke 2 hourly for months (until on solids), then 4 hourly.
All slept through the night well from one year of age, unless sick.

All were bf ate a variety of foods, were good children when going out in public, toilet trained aged about 1 1/2 during the day and three of them, toilet trained at night by 2 1/2; the other one by age 4. None are diagnosed as SEN.

We assumed that the differences in how our children behaved were highly influenced by their birth order and, namely, that the first child had inexperienced parents; the second and third children had tired parents and playmates from birth; and the fourth child had very experienced and relaxed parents, with boundaries firmly in place, and a stimulating house full of capable siblings.

I completely identify. DD on pathway to diagnosis now and was exactly as you described for a passive baby. Made me a bit emotional to read that actually, as all this only dawned on me recently. Now I see her as an almost teen it's easy to understand why that was. Was late with physical milestones.

My friend's son also slept well, but was extremely early with milestones, including reading by age 2.

I have 4. 2 ND, 2NT. The problem is the majority of babies display these early traits, which is why they say it's too early to tell. The difference is the growing out of them or developing differently to expected norms.

I knew from very very young that Ds1 wasn't 'normal'. But he also had viral meningitis at 7 weeks so no one knew how much of the issues were residual from that or because of ND. It was a long battle for us to get his needs recognised.

What I also strongly believe is not everyone needs a diagnosis but they do need understanding for their uniqueness.

Dd1 is likely on the very high functioning end of the ASC spectrum. She is very intelligent. As a child she was compliant to the point of passivity. It's only now she's entering adulthood that we are seeing more concerning behaviours. However, she has her own strategies which generally work for her and she's a teenager so we don't currently seek a diagnosis for her. We meet her need where necessary.

Dd2 on the other hand, is compliant to the point of violence if others do not comply. Struggles with friendships, has issues with sensory overwhelming clothes. Cannot wear certain things and prefers second hand clothes as new are 'too scratchy/tight even when sized up. She will only wear new clothes if they have certain characters on them. She cannot regulate her emotions even with help. She is also very intelligent. Dd2 needs her diagnosis so others see her potential.

So, in short yes signs may be seen when babies. But they're so intrinsically linked to baby behaviours in lots of ways, it's really hard to tell until they start becoming their own person.

I don’t know, my NT daughter reached milestones early - waking down the street at 10 months, talking by 12 and I did describe her as extremely passive. My middle child was the opposite l, reached some milestones even earlier but was extremely hard work, very angry about everything. It was tough. The third was the same as the first. None have ASD. So I guess that’s where the non reliable diagnosis comes in.

Ds wouldn't vocalise until he was out in his cot in a dark room then would chat to himself for ages. Like he couldn't take things in and express himself at the same time as too much sensory input.
Also when toddler he would talk non stop when on his trampoline.
Hated noisy toys and could not cope if you knocked on a door visiting and it didn't open

My eldest was extremely ‘chill’, used to joke could have put him down and gone away for a week, he’d probably not notice. He continued to be zen until about 3, then very obvious social anxiety and adhd traits came about. However, I started suspecting ASD from about 18 months - he had no speech (never even babbled) but his problem solving skills were well beyond his age. He learned to speak by 2 but it was hyper correct and the HV noted he seemed quite echolalic.

My second child screamed his way into this world and simply didn’t stop. I knew there was something ‘off’ from the very early months, and it wasn’t just from severe sleep deprivation. From 6 months old, couldn’t take him out into a busy place unless he was asleep, had to plan all shopping and such around a very narrow nap time. By 2 it was very clear he had autism with delays/learning difficulties. Never made eye contact, never pointed, only words he had were repeating numbers over and over (stimming) from age 1. Obviously if a child has autism, they’re born with it, but it was with my second that I could absolutely see signs from very early on. Maybe I was simply more in tune with what ASD was by then though.

Problem is, you’ve described two extremes… Most babies could fit one of the other example and they’re kind of open to interpretation…

Dc1 with autism. Slept loads, very happy/ content to be left. Still sleeping 17 hours a day at 18 months. Milestones talking= early. Gross motor late. I put it down to him sleeping so much, not being able to learn and being so content, not being "bothered" to move towards toys. Not problematically behind until year 2.

Google infant reflexes not going dormant I think you will be interested in the links to neurodiverse traits

Nephew with ASD was extremely passive. Slept amazingly from day 1 and never cried. He was a late walker too.

My DS1 (now 19) was an extreme baby - never slept, cried all the time. Honestly it was the worst year of my life even though he was much wanted as I'd had to go through fertility treatment to have him. He met milestones early - crawled at 6 months and walked at 9 months. He is not diagnosed with ASD. He is very bright and does have a few red flags such as sensory issues with clothing, but I don't think there would be enough there for a diagnosis as he's never had social issues, meltdowns or anything and there's never been a suggestion by any teachers that we should investigate anything further.

Interesting thread. DS fell into the "too easy" camp. He was just so contented and self contained.
As a toddler he used to play by himself behind a baby gate, no problem at all. For a hour or so, every afternoon.
I had no idea how unusual that is! Probably just thought it was my brilliant parenting!
He's 11 now, diagnosed ASD and still "plays alone" by preference. Only now it's Minecraft in one tab and a history podcast running in another; instead of little plastic dinosaurs and rockets.

I have two dc with asd with my son I had no idea untill he was 3 he was the perfect baby so well behaved the only thing was he didn't talk till he was 3 and a half, my dd however was the complete opposite she was an unsettled little thing and at around 8 months she regressed and I lost the eye contact and little coos I knew in my heart she had asd she is 4 now and just started speaking in November she still can't understand everything or have a conversation but hearing her voice is amazing however she can read we didn't know she could read as she didn't speak her teacher's are astounded ! It's only on her terms but I can write a list of words for example paris forearm police and she can read it how she has learned to read is a mystery x when they say autism is a spectrum it's really true both my kids I look at and say yes they have asd but they really couldn't be more different just like any other siblings xx all the best to you all and your familys

DD1 was just odd in her development. She wouldn't react to an aeroplane going overhead, but would startle at a very small noise. She would notice a tiny piece of glitter in the carpet and try to get it out. She would spend time trying to take the buckle out of her high chair. She would take a pencil and try to unscrew her toy door to dismantle it rather than playing with it.

She was hugely sensory seeking. She couldn't walk until she was almost 2, but then she walked over a mile, refusing to be helped. She had no need to be with us - we could put her in a room and walk out and she'd be quite happy.

She couldn't sleep at night unless we followed a strict routine. She slept naked except for a nappy, with a fan blasting, even in winter. That changed when she had a 24 hour ECG and was petrified of the wires. From that moment on she wore pyjamas to bed.

She was flagged as having SEN at 2.6 when she started preschool. Diagnosed with a brain malformation at 3.4, Went to special school. She didn't get her ASD dx until 15.

Extremely unsettled as infants. Crying excessively, very clingy, not sleeping well or at all, sensory issues clear since birth. Often not feeding well. Just being generally very hard work. Often described as being very difficult to pacify. This was my eldest to a T. Her brothers fit neither category as babies. DS had trouble feeding and sleeping, but he wasn't a patch on DD. His behaviour went off the rails at 20 months, really felt out of nowhere. Youngest didnt really see anything till he was 3, and then only because by that stage his older brother had been diagnosed and I could see the similarities. All 3 are Autistic and all very different people, with very different behaviour as babies and little kids.

DSibs and I had 4 DC between us within a short space of time. The DC with autism was noticeably different from the word go, and extremely passive.

After birth he showed little interest in feeding, which had no physiological cause. He never engaged with faces, or went through the stage were they track their hands. At 3 months we were all saying there was something significantly different about him.

He was later hitting all of his milestones, but also because he was so passive he was happiest just lying down in his crib. In that context the late milestones, isn’t a surprise. You can’t learn what you don’t practice.

He was very later to talk. But could say and every street name within a certain radium from his house.

He only received his diagnosis in Yr1 when he was moved to a school with a specialist unit. He is doing really well there.

Hmm, my two neurotypical kids meet your criteria above though too??

I think you could apply those to most babies

My DC who has an autism diagnosis fits with the extremely passive as an infant description; this DC never cried or fussed, even when hungry!

You'd guess roughly when they wanted to eat, and they'd slug down all the milk on one go, but never cried for it, or got cranky without food. Same with dirty nappies, although to be fair they are still the same, but in a specialist primary school for DC with autism and is mostly non-verbal.

Interesting, I hadn’t realised that early milestones were also an indicator, I thought it was only delays. My DC was a very challenging baby, really didn't sleep much and screamed a lot. They crawled at 5 months and got up and ran at 9 months! Way before my other DC’s. There were very physical, had no fear of anything, trying to climb out of windows etc. They also talked early and put sentences together. I thought that I had a very bright child until they started school and from then on I was told that they were behind. They weren’t diagnosed with ASD until teens, after being assessed a few times, and being misdiagnosed.
However, my first DC was incredibly well behaved. They slept incredibly well and, even as a baby, I could go anywhere with them and they wouldn’t be screaming or fussing. They are NT so I am not sure about this theory.

I have an autistic cousin who was diagnosed at the age of 3. I suspected it from when he was 12 months - one of the things that alerted me was sensory seeking and sensitivities that he was displaying.

In my experience most people describe their baby as 'good' or 'difficult'. I don't know of anybody who says oh yes my baby is average. So many generalisations and people with good or difficult babies who turn out to be NT and the opposite. I was apparently a very good, passive baby. Didn't walk until 18 months. As far as I am aware I am NT.

All of mine were walking by 10 months and they all have adhd (2 diagnosed, 1 on the pathway) early talkers too. As was I and I am also diagnosed adhd.

ASD dsc also walked and talked early, but their "symptoms" for want of a better turn of phrase were completely different apart from those 2 factors.

DS1 was a happy baby. He always looked like he was studying things and absorbing what was around him. He woke frequently for feeds but was easy to settle with feeds. Bottle refuser, only had milk directly from source. (It turned out that he had CMPA and other allergies and intolerances) Would only go to sleep in the pram/ car/ crashing out.

His mood changed at 10m. Partly learning that "no" meant that he wasn't having his own way, and would respond by looking at you, howling and smashing his head on the floor. The first time he pulled up to standing, he realised that he was stuck then howled. He was a proficient crawler and despite at 12m being able to cruise, he did not walk unaided until 16m, then just walked across the room. He was also very impressive at reverse crawling.

At 18m I took him to the pet shop on a grotty day to look at the animals, and he stared at the ceiling fans. Loved watching the washer. At 5 we ended up in a silly stand off of him choosing to sit in the utility room for 2 hours rather than tidy for 5 minutes. The only easy thing about him being 2 was watching Thomas/ Fireman Sam DVDs on loop for hours (I was having a tough pregnancy/ recovery). It took a couple of years to really suss out his clothing preferences and reach a happy state of picking our battles.

He had a speech delay by 2. Did lots of pointing and grunting, then rolled his eyes at me when I got it wrong. Had SALT intervention from 3. Played side by side until 6. Would do his own thing at parties. Was generally liked at primary school though.

The "terrible twos" went from 10m until 5. 6 was nice... then SATs and the 3-4 hour meltdowns at 7. That's when I went to the GP and he was diagnosed at 9.
There were quite a lot of early traits but not glaring klaxxons. It took time to really build up the evidence.

TBH, I'm not 💯 that DS2 is NT. There's quirks that he's had since being a baby, and he's so much like me... which doesn't convince me either! I don't feel that the evidence is strong enough to get through the gatekeeping for assessment, but that doesn't mean that he isn't.