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Original poster

Friend mad because I sat down to have coffee

208 replies

trekking1 · 17/03/2024 15:57

Please tell me if I am being BU or is she.

Made plans with two friends to go on a walk this morning. Me and one friend arrive on time, the other one is late. Neither of us had coffee this morning so we sat down in the nearest coffee shop and told our friend to meet us there. She arrives, orders coffee and food (this info will be important later) and after we go on the walk. Everything was completely fine during the walk, but when I got home I received a fuming message from her!

She said that we knew she was broke and that's why she wanted to go on a walk and it was really insensitive that we sat down to have coffee forcing her to spend money. I responded no one forced her to have anything as she could have just had water and that if I need coffee because I haven't had one this morning, it's unreasonable to expect I'm gonna give up having one because of her.

Her reply was that she felt forced to order something because the staff would judge her. I told her I used to work customer service so I can guarantee you they don't care if one person among a group of 3 does not order anything. Then I asked her if she is so broke, why on earth did she order coffee AND food?😂I got no reply.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 17/03/2024 21:00

Oh this is an easy one.

She's a twat.

ACuriousHare · 17/03/2024 21:00

I'd offer to pay her back the money she spent on coffee and food and then block her. Life's too short.

randomfemthinker · 17/03/2024 20:58

YANBU. Seems odd she's more bothered about being judged by a stranger (who probably couldn't give two hoots if she ordered or not) than how you'd feel over receiving her ranty message. And to top it all off, ordered cake on top it, anyway.

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 17/03/2024 20:58

I wonder now if she is lying about being broke being as she ordered coffee and food and just said that as it was the first thing that popped in her head. I wonder if it's more a case of wanting to get going on the walk cos of time (but if she is that busy why bother going for a walk anyway?)

Timeforsnacks · 17/03/2024 20:56

Astonishing that people think you should be buying her coffee when you have previously said she lives above her means spending too much on holidays.
And people calling OP not a real friend, when this other girl sat had coffee and food holding her anger in just to text it to her later... 😕

Twilight7777 · 17/03/2024 20:56

Reminds me of an ex friend, constantly blaming me for her not having any willpower to stay on a diet. Er no it’s not my responsibility to police your food 🤨

Hankunamatata · 17/03/2024 20:54

What a drama lama. She could have easily just sat with you guys until you finished

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 17/03/2024 20:52

Some people are fucking obsessed with walking it's so weird. YADNBU.

xsquared · 17/03/2024 20:51

TheFancyPoet · 17/03/2024 20:17

If you are true friend to her and she really is broke, invite her at your home. If this is all casual socialising with the attitude " I care about her only because she makes herself available for chats ", then leave the poor soul alone. She deserves better, especially support.

She's a true friend by setting boundaries

Friend now knows her message was ridiculous and hopefully, she'll think twice about blaming someone for her poor choices.

Original poster
trekking1 · 17/03/2024 20:50

Whyarepeoplesoweird · 17/03/2024 20:45

If you knew she was broke you could have bought her a coffee when you saw her. Youu don't seem like a nice friend.

I offered many times, she said no

OP posts:
Whyarepeoplesoweird · 17/03/2024 20:45

If you knew she was broke you could have bought her a coffee when you saw her. Youu don't seem like a nice friend.

Lentilweaver · 17/03/2024 20:44

You weren't unreasonable and she was ridiculous, but I have noticed a lot of this kind of behaviour among my own friends and acquaintances, because everyone is having a hard time. Sigh.

CoffeeCakeAndDaisys · 17/03/2024 20:42

NaomhPadraigin · 17/03/2024 20:27

Maybe turn up on time so???

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Is she depressed? Experiencing m/h issues causing her to be late?

Reaching out to her and asking her honestly if she’s okay might be exactly what she needs. If everything’s okay and she’s constantly late and complaining about money then reassess the friendship, if she’s got other things going on you’ve potentially helped someone.

NaomhPadraigin · 17/03/2024 20:27

CoffeeCakeAndDaisys · 17/03/2024 20:18

I completely agree that your friend messaging you afterwards was not nice.

I have been the person who couldn’t afford the coffee, and I’ve done exactly what she did and ordered more than I could afford. The reason is because the thought of standing outside waiting until everyone has finished makes you feel rubbish.

When money is really tight you miss out on so much, so the thought of a ‘free’ morning out would be such a relief. Getting there seeing everyone having coffee makes you feel crap, you make a mistake of spending more than you can afford so you can feel ‘good and like you fit in’ and afterwards you feel bad because you know you couldn’t afford it. Planning a ‘holiday’ is likely her way of pretending and maybe a break from reality for her?

Maybe check in and see if there’s other stuff going on?

Maybe turn up on time so???

TheTimeIsNowMaybeNow · 17/03/2024 20:26

trekking1 · 17/03/2024 17:17

Yes

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I thought that's what it sounded like, she is even more ridiculous blaming you when she was the only one who bought food

CoffeeCakeAndDaisys · 17/03/2024 20:18

I completely agree that your friend messaging you afterwards was not nice.

I have been the person who couldn’t afford the coffee, and I’ve done exactly what she did and ordered more than I could afford. The reason is because the thought of standing outside waiting until everyone has finished makes you feel rubbish.

When money is really tight you miss out on so much, so the thought of a ‘free’ morning out would be such a relief. Getting there seeing everyone having coffee makes you feel crap, you make a mistake of spending more than you can afford so you can feel ‘good and like you fit in’ and afterwards you feel bad because you know you couldn’t afford it. Planning a ‘holiday’ is likely her way of pretending and maybe a break from reality for her?

Maybe check in and see if there’s other stuff going on?

TheFancyPoet · 17/03/2024 20:17

If you are true friend to her and she really is broke, invite her at your home. If this is all casual socialising with the attitude " I care about her only because she makes herself available for chats ", then leave the poor soul alone. She deserves better, especially support.

TempleOfBloom · 17/03/2024 20:13

I would just point out that you were only in the coffee shop because she was so late and as you had ordered your coffee earlier you were almost ready to leave when she turned up… so she had no cause to be ordering food and drink.

Gwenhwyfar · 17/03/2024 20:12

"I find that people often claim to be broke when they're not really, what they mean is "I spent too much this month so I need to reign in it" or something like that."

Definitely. It often doesn't mean they have 0 in the bank. I've subsidised friends over the years only to find out later their parents are millionnaires and help them out so I'm always sceptical now.

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/03/2024 20:12

Londonrach1 · 17/03/2024 19:44

You have...re think op..how you feel if someone was a late as you every time you meet...you going to run out of friends unless you change your ways

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@Londonrach1

op was not the one who was late Hun
read the op

Gwenhwyfar · 17/03/2024 20:10

" I told her I used to work customer service so I can guarantee you they don't care if one person among a group of 3 does not order anything."

This is really not true everywhere.

I live on the continent, but I don't remember it really being any different in the UK except that many places were counter/bar service so they didn't really notice if you don't consume. If you go into a pub/cafe/restaurant you're expected to be a customer with the exception maybe of babies.

In the words of a Dutch waiter in Amsterdam to my Welsh friend 20 years ago the place 'is not a library'.

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/03/2024 20:10

NaomhPadraigin · 17/03/2024 19:48

Well just consider it the same 20min late that you were 🙄 ffs

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@Funkyslippers

also most people don’t clock watch to that extent when they go out with their pals

Original poster
trekking1 · 17/03/2024 20:04

Boomboxio · 17/03/2024 19:49

She can't actually be that broke if she ordered coffee and food. If you were genuinely broke you wouldn't be able to order anything 😕

I find that people often claim to be broke when they're not really, what they mean is "I spent too much this month so I need to reign in it" or something like that.

OP posts:
NaomhPadraigin · 17/03/2024 20:02

trekking1 · 17/03/2024 19:51

I wasn't the one who was late, she was 😂😂

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God, imagine if people actually read the OP's posts 😲 🫨

Let her stew, she spent her own money of her own accord!

GruffaloBill · 17/03/2024 20:01

Her name doesn't begin with L, does it? 👀

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