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AIBU?

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Original poster

'Tell me a joke'

216 replies

Woopzies · 16/03/2024 20:44

Had a work meeting yesterday. Whole team present including boss.

Boss, in a funny mood, goes 'tell me a joke.' One by one, everyone told their joke. We got to me and I went totally blank, followed by histerics because I don't know any jokes.

I hadn't realised until then that I actually don't know any jokes. The logical side of me says that it really isn't a big deal but the other side of me feels like there's something wrong with me for not knowing any jokes. AIBU?!

OP posts:
TealSapphire · 17/03/2024 03:04

Did he tell a joke? It's not your job to entertain him. Google is his friend here.

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 02:40

The pig/sheep joke above reminded me of another silly one:

A man goes into a pub with a pig under his arm and the landlord asks in surprise, "Where on earth did you get that from?!"

The pig replies, "I won it in a raffle!"

tolerable · 17/03/2024 02:39

did ya hear bout the magic tractor?
it turned into a field

PrinceLouisWeirdFinger · 17/03/2024 02:36

‘I’ve won the lottery. Pack your bags.’
’Woohoo. Should I pack for cold or hot weather?’
’I don’t care. Just get out.’

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 02:32

What's the difference between 100 toddlers and a Boeing 747?

The plane stops whining once it touches down in Malaga.

PrinceLouisWeirdFinger · 17/03/2024 02:32

What’s red and invisible?
No tomatoes.

PrinceLouisWeirdFinger · 17/03/2024 02:31

Wife: ‘I love you. You’re so wonderful. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.’
Husband: ‘Is that you talking or the wine talking?’
Wife: ‘It’s me, talking to the wine.’

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 02:30

A man gate-crashes a party with some friends of friends and gets extremely drunk, before eventually staggering home.

The next day, he realises that his wallet is nowhere to be found, so he figures that he must have dropped it at the party.

He goes back to the house and rings the bell, and a woman answers.
He says, "Hi, I was at the party last night and I think I must have dropped my wallet here. Could I please come in and have a look for it?"
She says, "Impossible; we've never met you before."
The man persists, "Well, I wasn't technically invited, but I'm married to Dave's sister's friend's neighbour, so I came with them."
The woman insists, "Look, we don't know you at all. You're lying - you heard the party last night and now you're trying to invent an excuse to get into our house to see what you can steal from us. Go away!"
The man replies, "I promise I'm not lying. Here, let me prove to you that I was definitely in your house and at the party by telling you something very distinctive that I'd otherwise have no way whatsoever of knowing. You have an extremely unusual, highly ornate golden toilet in the corner of your bedroom - not in a separate en-suite, but right there just next to the bed."
The woman sighs and shouts up the stairs, "Andy, I think we've finally solved the mystery of who crapped in your tuba!"

CottonCandyLand · 17/03/2024 02:28

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 17/03/2024 02:05

Read this one when I was about 9 years old, got it when I was about 17!

Q: What's white and slithers across the floor?
A: Come dancing

My mum told me that one when I was a similar age. I don’t know how many times I must have repeated it without understanding it lol

homezookeeper · 17/03/2024 02:23

EveryKneeShallBow · 16/03/2024 21:02

There’s a place between murder and suicide … Merseyside.

You couldn't be more right Grin

HesterLee · 17/03/2024 02:20

Two fish in a tank
One turns to the other and says
"You man the guns. I'll drive"

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 02:12

What's the difference between a dirty, grim city-centre public transport hub and a lobster who's had a boob job?
One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.

An elderly lady calls the police in shock and demands they send somebody over immediately.
She complains that the hunky, athletic young man in the apartment across the road from hers walks around naked all the time and never closes his curtains.
The police officer has a very good look from all angles and says "But, Madam - his windows are quite high up, so it's impossible for you to see him anywhere below his waist."
"THE WARDROBE, OFFICER; JUMP UP AND STAND ON TOP OF THE WARDROBE!!"

Mothership4two · 17/03/2024 02:07

Genuinely guffawed at the sheep/pig joke

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 17/03/2024 02:05

Read this one when I was about 9 years old, got it when I was about 17!

Q: What's white and slithers across the floor?
A: Come dancing

Elliania · 17/03/2024 02:03

What kind of cheese would you use to camoflage a small horse?

Marscapone.

Michael J. Fox once told me that plants grow better if they’re exposed to classical music. So now I’m playing Bach to the Fuchsia.

LargeSquareRock · 17/03/2024 02:02

The Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It got a little tense.

Glow22 · 17/03/2024 02:02

pocketaces · 16/03/2024 22:32

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache"

His wife looks up and says "I think you'll find that's a sheep"

The man says "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep"

This is my only joke I know but I can never get it out when I try to tell people because I laugh so much 😂

mondaytosunday · 17/03/2024 01:54

@HappiestSleeping 🤣

Fernticket · 17/03/2024 01:45

Why do elephants have big ears?
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom..

JanglingJack · 17/03/2024 01:42

Doctor doctor
I can't decide if I'm a teepee or a yurt.
Relax, you're two tents.

LSTMS30555 · 17/03/2024 01:40

What did the police find under Michael Jackson's pillow?
Billy's jeans

2 men walk into a bar.... the 3rd man ducked

What's a gynaecologist & pizza delivery man got in common?
They can both smell it but aren't allowed to eat it.

Mothership4two · 17/03/2024 01:40

Had to Google the Towcester one in order to get it!

JanglingJack · 17/03/2024 01:38

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 01:32

I went to see a band when I stayed in a small SE Asian country?
Singapore?
Yes, but the guitarist and drummer were amazing.

My grandparents had their wedding ceremony in their favourite seaside resort in Croatia.
Split?
Not at all, they've just celebrated their 60th anniversary.

I bought a kitchen appliance in Northamptonshire.
Towcester?
No, it was a fridge freezer.

I like the Towcester one.

I'm sure there must be a joke in Cogenhoe too.

Cogenhoe? Nah got a takeaway.

I tried!

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 01:36

An old man from Dudley ends up in a hospital in Switzerland and the other patients gently ask him "Did you come here to die?"

He replies, "No, I came here last Thursday."

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 01:32

I went to see a band when I stayed in a small SE Asian country?
Singapore?
Yes, but the guitarist and drummer were amazing.

My grandparents had their wedding ceremony in their favourite seaside resort in Croatia.
Split?
Not at all, they've just celebrated their 60th anniversary.

I bought a kitchen appliance in Northamptonshire.
Towcester?
No, it was a fridge freezer.