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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Tell me a joke'

216 replies

Woopzies · 16/03/2024 20:44

Had a work meeting yesterday. Whole team present including boss.

Boss, in a funny mood, goes 'tell me a joke.' One by one, everyone told their joke. We got to me and I went totally blank, followed by histerics because I don't know any jokes.

I hadn't realised until then that I actually don't know any jokes. The logical side of me says that it really isn't a big deal but the other side of me feels like there's something wrong with me for not knowing any jokes. AIBU?!

OP posts:
NooNakedJacuzziness · 17/03/2024 10:36

I'm reading a book on anti gravity - it's great, I can't put it down

TotalDramarama24 · 17/03/2024 10:27

What did the drummer name his twin girls?

Anna 1, Anna 2

SerendipityJane · 17/03/2024 10:27

What's white and swings through the jungle ?

Tarzan the fridge.

(Which opens the door to a slew of fridge based jokes I can no longer remember).

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/03/2024 10:26

What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know but the flag's a big plus.

LovelyTheresa · 17/03/2024 10:20

A lady is sitting with her beautiful cat. The cat suddenly speaks, and says 'I'm magic, and I can grant your wish'. The old lady says 'I wish you would become a handsome prince'. There is a flash of lightning, and then behold! Before the lady stands the most gorgeous male specimen you ever did see: six foot two, raven hair, perfect skin, hazel green eyes, cheekbones you could sharpen a knife on, and amazing muscles. 'Oh wow' says the lady, reaching out trembling, lustful hands towards the prince. The prince winks, then utters the dreadful words 'Bet you wish now you hadn't taken me to the vet for that little operation......'

LovelyTheresa · 17/03/2024 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh FFS.

VouisLuitton · 17/03/2024 10:12

A man goes to the zoo asking for a job. The manager tells him they are short on gorillas and would he be prepared to put on a costume and pretend to be a gorilla.

The man hesitantly agrees. He puts on the costume and goes into the enclosure.

At first he’s a bit wary and nervous but eventually starts to build up his confidence. By the end of the week he’s swinging from the trees!

He starts to show off and swings a bit too high, ending up in the next enclosure which is the lions den.

He begins shouting to the visitors, “Get me out! I’m not a real gorilla, I’m only pretending, please help me!”

The lion is getting closer and closer and the man is really shouting. The lion is right next to him when he suddenly hears the lion say,
“Shut up will ya, you’re going to get us both sacked!!”

measuringmylifeincoffeespoons · 17/03/2024 08:55

What's the difference between an oven and a vagina?

An oven doesn't fart when you take the meat out.

DaBlackCatsAreDaBestCats · 17/03/2024 08:18

“A large hole has appeared in the middle of Oxford Street. Police are looking into it”

TheGoogleMum · 17/03/2024 08:13

I can never remember jokes on the spot! I do like a good joke though :)

My daughter has discovered we can ask Google to tell us jokes in the car so I'd probably end up telling one of those

What do you call the tallest Mum in the playground?
The Maxi-Mum

(As a 4'8 mum I guess I'd be the Mini-Mum!)

measuringmylifeincoffeespoons · 17/03/2024 08:06

80 year old man walks into confession.

Says 'bless me father for I have sinned. I've been happily married for 60 years but last night I slept with two 21 year old Swedish virgins.

The priest says 'oh my son, that's terrible. When was the last time you came to confession?'

The man replies 'This is my first time. I'm Jewish'

'You're Jewish' says the priest. 'Well, why are you telling me this?'

'Are you kidding' says the man, 'I'm telling everyone'.

Projectme · 17/03/2024 07:59

2 a.m. and the police stop a gentleman as he's tottering up the road.
'Sir, are you alright?'
'Yes thank you....hic...I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol being the demon drink...hic...'
'At 2 a.m.?! Who on earth is doing a lecture at 2am?'
'That would be my wife...hic...'

And two I remember from when I was a kid. What do you get if you sit under a cow? A pat on the head. And, what did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke.
😁😁😁

UghFletcher · 17/03/2024 07:52

Where do sheep go for a haircut?
The baaaaaaber shop

A particular favorite of my 7yo

SevenSeasOfRhye · 17/03/2024 07:38

JanglingJack · 17/03/2024 01:19

Genoa?

Never seen her before in my life

Show quote history

I took my wife on a Caribbean holiday.

Jamaica?

No, she was quite willing!

Blushingm · 17/03/2024 07:32

MissingMoominMamma · 16/03/2024 22:31

What do you call a donkey with three legs?

A wonky.

What do you call a donkey with 1 eye and 3 legs? A winky wonky

SweetFemaleAttitude · 17/03/2024 07:31

EveryKneeShallBow · 16/03/2024 21:02

There’s a place between murder and suicide … Merseyside.

Yeah, don't tell this 'joke' OP. It's about as funny as cancer.

Blushingm · 17/03/2024 07:29

What do you call a French man in sandals? Phillipe Phillope

What do you call a nun on a bike? Virgin mobile

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 17/03/2024 07:27

What's the problem with one-armed waiters?
They can take it, but they can't dish it out.

bringthecactusin · 17/03/2024 07:17

What do you called a pig with 4 eyes?

A piiiig.

scalt · 17/03/2024 06:35

Why can't you send a telegram to Washington?

Because he's dead!

SinnerBoy · 17/03/2024 06:20

Where does a monkey hide his nuts? In a cherry tree.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle? An elephant picking cherries.

FuchsAndMöhr · 17/03/2024 05:12

Two cats are having a swimming race.

One is called “One two three”, the other “Un deux trois”. Which cat won?

“One two three” because “Un deux trois cat sank”.

tanqueray10 · 17/03/2024 04:05

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you're a poo!

The only joke I can ever remember because my kids love it.

Celticliving · 17/03/2024 03:24

Why don't you see buffalo hiding in trees in Scotland?

They are really good at it.

lollipoprainbow · 17/03/2024 03:06

A blind man goes into a shop and starts swinging his guide dog around. He was just looking......