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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Tell me a joke'

216 replies

Woopzies · 16/03/2024 20:44

Had a work meeting yesterday. Whole team present including boss.

Boss, in a funny mood, goes 'tell me a joke.' One by one, everyone told their joke. We got to me and I went totally blank, followed by histerics because I don't know any jokes.

I hadn't realised until then that I actually don't know any jokes. The logical side of me says that it really isn't a big deal but the other side of me feels like there's something wrong with me for not knowing any jokes. AIBU?!

OP posts:
alcoholicmum243 · 17/03/2024 15:43

@Mothership4two
What's yellow, black and dangerous?
Shark infested custard.

Feel like I read that in a joke book when I was about 10!

whatdoidonowffs · 17/03/2024 15:19

What’s E.T. Short for ? Because he’s only got little legs !!
how do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
put it in the oven until it’s Bill Withers
😂😂

HappiestSleeping · 17/03/2024 15:18

Fernticket · 17/03/2024 14:44

I had my neighbour banging on my door at 2 am this morning.
Good job I was still up playing my bagpipes.

My neighbour is always banging. Doesn't matter what time of day. It's so loud, I can hardly hear my drum kit.

Fernticket · 17/03/2024 14:44

I had my neighbour banging on my door at 2 am this morning.
Good job I was still up playing my bagpipes.

tillytoodles1 · 17/03/2024 14:29

katmarie · 16/03/2024 22:37

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?

Still no idea.

I asked my friend that. She thought for a moment and replied "Bamb" a deer with no I's

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 13:46

Barmaid: "We had that famous Spanish actor from The Little Mermaid in here last night - he started a brawl for no reason and the whole pub was in uproar."

Customer: "Javier Bardem?"

Barmaid: "No, not yet, but he's on his very last warning!"

HouseOfMonk · 17/03/2024 13:40

Why did the Frenchman only order one egg for breakfast?
Because one egg is 'un oeuf'

Allofaflutter · 17/03/2024 13:14

What’s the difference between light and hard?
you can sleep with the light on.

Allofaflutter · 17/03/2024 13:13

I didn’t realise Albert Einstein was a real person, I thought he was a theoretical physicist!

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 13:08

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

[child-friendly answer]
Because 7 8 9!

[proper answer]
Because 7 was a registered 6-offender!

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 13:06

What did the electrician's wife shout when he arrived home from the pub at 2am?
"Wire you insulate?!"

I was concerned about my weight so I went to the GP for some advice.
He said, "Don't eat anything fatty."
I replied, "That's very wise - I'll cut right down on sausages, pies, butter and things like that."
He said, "No, you weren't listening properly. I said 'Don't eat anything, Fatty!'"

hereforit3 · 17/03/2024 13:02

@AccidentallyFabulous 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 12:51

Most people don't realise that Charles Dickens' writing was originally serialised in two regional newspapers, long before it was published in standard book form.

It was the Bicester Times; it was the Worcester Times.

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 12:48

A 20yo man decided that his life was far too stressful, so he decided to become a monk. He was told that, as part of his commitment to the monastery, he would have to take a vow of silence, being only allowed to say two words every ten years.

He turned 30 and went to the abbot and said "Bed uncomfortable." The abbot nodded and sent him on his way.

He turned 40 and went to the abbot and said "Room cramped." The abbot nodded and sent him on his way.

He turned 50 and went to the abbot and said "Food disgusting." The abbot nodded and sent him on his way.

He turned 60 and went to the abbot and said "Decor boring." The abbot nodded and sent him on his way.

He turned 70 and went to the abbot and said "Garden overgrown." The abbot nodded and sent him on his way.

He turned 80 and went to the abbot, carrying his suitcase, and said "I'm leaving." The abbot jumped for joy and exclaimed "Wonderful news! I shall be so glad to see the back of you as you've done nothing but complain ever since you arrived here!"

SinnerBoy · 17/03/2024 12:45

You know what they say about men with big feet? It makes sense when you know who started the rumour - clowns.

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 12:31

I've only just discovered, to my immense shock and surprise, that my father was sacked for stealing from the roadworks company he worked at when I was little.
Now, when I look back on my early life at home, I realise that all the signs were there.

When I was 5 years old, my dad woke me up very early every Saturday morning and told me "Now is your time to shine!" And, true to his word, I spent the next 12 hours doing my shift in the family shoe cleaning business.

The very first time I met my now-husband at a party, I solemnly vowed "I will make you mine!" Forty years later, he's still working seven days a week down the pit.

Circumferences · 17/03/2024 12:28

Ah, I'm bad at jokes.

The other day my friend asked me to tell her ten puns to make her laugh.

No pun in ten did.

MaybeRevisitYourWipingT3chnique · 17/03/2024 12:22

I've just had my autobiography published, but the printers had run out of standard paper, so they sent me a copy to check and approve that they'd printed on fly paper.

That's my story - and I'm sticking to it.

AlpacalypseLlamaggedon · 17/03/2024 12:18

I have some racing geese for sale, if anyone wants a quick gander.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 17/03/2024 12:04

Bill and Ben were chilling off set

Bill says to Ben "flobadoblobaflobflob"
Ben replies "you know, if you REALLY loved me, you'd swallow"

MistyGreenAndBlue · 17/03/2024 12:00

What is the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?
One will make your day, the other will make your whole week! 😂

PassingStranger · 17/03/2024 11:47

Why did the bald man stick his head out the window.
To get some fresh hair.

Original poster
Woopzies · 17/03/2024 11:12

Well, that's cheered me up for certain. Thanks to all who shared a joke!

I think I might use the thread to revise all night for the next meeting... 🤓

OP posts:
Fifiesta · 17/03/2024 11:12

Employee to the boss, ‘I need a raise’
’you’ve got to be joking’
’well you did ask me to’!

Silverumbrella · 17/03/2024 10:42

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows on too high - she looked surprised.

I swapped my wife’s lipstick for superglue, now she giving me the silent treatment.

I took the shell off my snail. Thought it would make him go faster. If anything it’s made him a little sluggish.

My pet mouse Elvis died last night.
He was caught in a trap.

I ordered some German food last week. The sauerkraut has arrived but I’m afraid the wurst is yet to come.