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AIBU?

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Original poster

To step in regarding 7yo's clothing choices

169 replies

Ilovechocolate87 · 15/03/2024 22:16

DD (7) has rather a habit of bunging on random clothes together with a crazy mix of colours and patterns, often with lots or clashing going on.I have gently tried to guide her before into maybe putting plain top or bottoms with a patterned top or bottoms but haven't pushed the issue if she has seemed even abit reluctant and I've always tried to let her make her own clothing choices where possible, ever since she was a toddler and began having preferences.

I grew up with a very controlling dad and am keen to not be that sort of parent to my daughter.I have had the odd blip where I have got abit annoyed at her (for example the day a couple of years back when she was all set to go to a mermaid party in her Ariel costume accessories then at the last minute pulled it all off in favour of just plain clothes) but mostly have been fairly flexible.

However i know i probably shouldn't compare but it seems that everyone else's kids her age are always in quite well balanced/matched outfits colour/pattern wise.Not sure if the parents are pushing or guiding them alot with what they wear or if they just naturally happen to understand more about what clothes match others.

I just wonder now she is getting abit older if I should be taking abit more ownership over trying to influence her decisions abit more (not what to buy, just what to wear with what) as i'm also conscious that i don't want her to grow up like I did without any hint of fashion sense, or how to style my hair etc, as i wasn't taught those sort of things and ended up always looking abit odd compared to my peers.

What is everyone else doing/not doing?

OP posts:
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wubwubwub · 16/03/2024 08:47

Ilovechocolate87 · 16/03/2024 08:44

Yes! You've hit the nail on the head thanks.I don't want to pressure or force her into complying and becoming a trendy sheep or clone and stifling her personal expression, definitely not.I love watching her choose her own clothes in her own style.
I just kind of inwardly cringe abit at some of the random combinations 😅 But no way want her to feel judged or self conscious for being herself and enjoying her own creativity, hence why I try to bite my tongue and gently suggest about what matches what, but not push too much.....but just wanted to check she wasn't getting to an age where I should be guiding her abit more strongly for her own social sake, but sounds like I've got a way to go til then 👍

Show quote history

But...she's 7.

I'm a couple of years time she'll be more aware of what she and others are wearing.

Leave her be and help her when she shows an interest when she's 9-10 / yr5-6.

wubwubwub · 16/03/2024 08:45

DD4 chooses her clothes most days, and often I'd ridiculous, but couldn't care less than.only time I "step in" is if she's wearing a dress that's got short, (so it's more like a tunic) and she's not put leggings on or something. Otherwise, just the other day she went to nursery in a dinosaur dress, fluffy unicorn socks and wooly hat.

Her day bag always has a spare jumper/jacket etc so she's fine.

Original poster
Ilovechocolate87 · 16/03/2024 08:44

saltinesandcoffeecups · 15/03/2024 23:34

@Ilovechocolate87 I think I know where you’re going with this. I’ll say it out loud and get all the disagreements.

Right now it doesn’t really matter to your daughter what she wears. But soon ‘the great sorting’ happens in a child’s life where it will matter and it will be a factor in her social life.

I’m not too sure you will be able to influence her final sort. She’s going to conform to whatever structure she feels most comfortable in. That may mean a sudden interest in brands and fashion and keeping up on the trends or forging her own path. Neither is right and neither is wrong.

I think what your getting at is giving her some tools now to help if she wants to ‘fit in’ with the brand conscious follow the crowd group. Nothing wrong with that in my opinion… but at the same time it’s wasted if you force it on her and she still ends up in the ‘forge your own path’ category (which again there is nothing wrong with this)

So one of two things… either I’ve totally missed the mark and in that case you’ve wasted your time reading to this point 🤣or I’m close…so in case I’m close here’s my advice…

  • She has some time before this becomes a thing…don’t sweat it too much at this point.
  • Guide her but don’t dictate (unless it’s an occasion that has rules about dress standards) when you can so that she understands that plaids and polka dots don’t match at an intellectual level even if she doesn’t care.
  • Keep in mind that clothes are a window to the soul for a teenage girl and you’ll be able to glean a lot of information from them if you pay attention.

Yes! You've hit the nail on the head thanks.I don't want to pressure or force her into complying and becoming a trendy sheep or clone and stifling her personal expression, definitely not.I love watching her choose her own clothes in her own style.
I just kind of inwardly cringe abit at some of the random combinations 😅 But no way want her to feel judged or self conscious for being herself and enjoying her own creativity, hence why I try to bite my tongue and gently suggest about what matches what, but not push too much.....but just wanted to check she wasn't getting to an age where I should be guiding her abit more strongly for her own social sake, but sounds like I've got a way to go til then 👍

OP posts:
midgetastic · 16/03/2024 08:43

Her style is not your style - that should be fine

I'd only comment at times when it can matter a lot to someone else - a wedding or funeral spring to mind , or when it comes to work

Yogatoga1 · 16/03/2024 08:43

Leave her to it.

i had a mum who wouldn’t let me leave the house if my own choices were too out there.

it led to me having no confidence in clothes choices, what I loved was “wrong”, what I thought was boring was apparently “fashion”.

my kids always wore what they chose and they’re late teens now, very confident in picking their own outfits. While I’m always in black as that’s the only way I know I don’t look stupid.

compliment, give them confidence.

as pp have said- your “fashion” as an adult and what the youngsters think are very different anyway. What you think is nice may be embarrassing amongst peers.

Original poster
Ilovechocolate87 · 16/03/2024 08:38

JMSA · 15/03/2024 23:22

My youngest daughter, aged about 4. Floral skirt with leggings underneath, an owl top and her kitten bomber jacket.
She was a fan of the mixed look Grin
She's a big teenager now and I'd do anything to go back to the simplicity of those days! 😭

Haha aww, this is just the sort of look my DD goes for 😂🩷

OP posts:
PaperDoIIs · 16/03/2024 08:38

@Ilovechocolate87 why do you think she needs guidance (gentle or otherwise)?

Octavia64 · 16/03/2024 08:37

By the way, matching is quite often considered a bad thing in fashion -

Matchy matchy is what fashionistas call people who are too co-ordinated.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matchy-matchy

Original poster
Ilovechocolate87 · 16/03/2024 08:36

NeedAdvice2024 · 15/03/2024 23:14

Who is buying all these mismatched patterns and colours? If you want to restrict the outfits she wears then don't buy her things that are likely to clash.

Well I let her choose her own clothes usually (unless I deem them inappropriate for her age) and she has chosen some bright patterned leggings, but then has some patterned tops too which she then puts on with it.
And some colourful socks.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 16/03/2024 08:33

I guess the problem is that if you try to teach her some fashion sense etc then the chance your fashion sense overlaps with what her peers are actually wearing/think is cool is low to nil.

Mums are not cool.

Teaching her lots of different ways to do her hair, fine. Teaching her that you like this way and she should do it that way, less fine.

Most teens utterly reject their parents fashion advice anyway - their whole shtick is my parents don't understand me.

GoBonobo · 16/03/2024 08:31

Not read whole thread, so might have been suggested before, but my DSS used to make fairly ‘bold’ choices when left to his own devices (purple trousers with red tshirt type thing). We just left him to it…around age 16 he had an eye test and we discovered he was completely colour blind! I know it’s less common in girls, but worth getting checked out?

NerrSnerr · 16/03/2024 08:29

MumDoingMyBest · 16/03/2024 08:26

Could you approach this from an environmental or sustainability point of view?

It feels like as your daughter grows and she needs new clothes there should be opportunities to discuss how to get the best use out of clothes.

You could put together different outfits from her wardrobe for different places/activities she is likely to do. Look at what is left and suggest (in an age appropriate way) getting some basics which match several things in her wardrobe so she can wear more of her clothes more often.

Discussing the different places and activities should mean she gradually learns that as well as practical reasons for choosing different outfits there are also social conventions to follow.

Surely it's more environmentally friendly just to wear the clothes she had and to not worry if the stripy top goes with the spotty skirt? Buying the basics that match everything is just buying more clothes.

MumDoingMyBest · 16/03/2024 08:26

Could you approach this from an environmental or sustainability point of view?

It feels like as your daughter grows and she needs new clothes there should be opportunities to discuss how to get the best use out of clothes.

You could put together different outfits from her wardrobe for different places/activities she is likely to do. Look at what is left and suggest (in an age appropriate way) getting some basics which match several things in her wardrobe so she can wear more of her clothes more often.

Discussing the different places and activities should mean she gradually learns that as well as practical reasons for choosing different outfits there are also social conventions to follow.

Kwasi · 16/03/2024 08:08

Let her do it. It’s bad enough they have to wear boring uniforms for school at such a young age.

And don’t worry about the costumes. DS will never dress up, not even for World Book Day. He only put on a onesie at Halloween because he thought he wouldn’t get treats if he didn’t dress up.

GailTheSnail · 16/03/2024 08:06

My 7 year daughter favours the maximum amount of glitter and animal print she can fit into one outfit . If Cilla Black and Bet Lynch had, had a child - that's her signature look

Yummymummy2020 · 16/03/2024 08:06

Ah I wouldn’t worry op, my little girl can be like this too. She is so happy though putting together her little outfits. She is a bit younger than yours, but I do know what you mean about some of the kids being better matched as such. If it’s really troubling you, when you buy clothes in future you could get things that all match together in any combination, then it won’t matter what she picks. Seems a shame though in a way, because it’s cute how she is now and she will probably grow out of it soon anyway!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 16/03/2024 08:03

When I was a child my mother took the view that clothes were not important and mostly let me choose. I have to say, when I look back I do cringe when I see photos and my friends were well dressed with good hair, and I looked like a refugee with random garments and messy hair. This totally came down to my own choices, but I would also say my friends learned from the styles imposed on them, and I had a lot of catching up to do when I realised the truth that actually clothes are important.

So basically if your daughter looks good, leave her to it. But if she doesn't, I think it's fine to give her some pointers.

Richtea67 · 16/03/2024 08:03

My 7 year old is the same, but also has a lot of sensory issues around clothing (ASD), so we end up with some really odd combos! In the most part I leave her to it, as I want her to feel that the most important thing is to be comfortable in what you are wearing and to not worry about looking 'stylish'....I am sure that will come in time. I only intervene if clothing is not appropriate for the weather or suitable for a certain activity.

Rosesanddaisies1 · 16/03/2024 08:00

Of course, please let her wear what she wants as long as it’s weather appropriate. You sound very boring, let her have fun.

RoadToPlants · 16/03/2024 07:58

I’m going to go against the grain here and suggests that actually at 7 she is approaching the age when some subtle guidance might be helpful. Wearing an abundance of clashing patterns might be cute on a 5 year old but she’s is getting to the age when others are getting more aware of their clothes choices, especially for things like own clothes days at school.

Mine is 10 now but for a while I’ve been trying to guide her a bit. We go clothes shopping twice a year and she has free rein to pick what she likes as long as it’s practical. Then we’ll talk about how to build an outfit, what goes with what, what clashes etc.

If she then wants to wear clashing items that is then her choice rather than ignorance.

Ultimately I think it is ok to provide guidance.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/03/2024 07:57

Leave her be. DS has been known to wear pajama bottoms (clean) with shorts and a random top. He also likes to draw on his plain t-shirts to match his current interest. He's good enough how he is. I have lines though. If we go to the theatre or out for dinner I'll insist he looks tidier but otherwise, it'll descend to boring teen uniform soon enough

RedDebbie · 16/03/2024 07:50

My friends dd was like this from about five. We live in the very dull suburbs. She did not blend in.

She's at London College of Fashion now.

Sonora25 · 16/03/2024 07:47

YABU my DD clothes never match, she has fun and enjoys it. I only step in if it’s not appropriate for the weather.

MyNameIsFine · 16/03/2024 07:45

I wouldn't worry about it OP. In about à year's time she'll look at all her clothes, go 'aaarrghhh' and completely overhaul her look. My DD would only wear pink, Frozen blended, and loved puffin skirt. Now she will only wear Black- even in the summer - and definitely no dresses or mermaid costumes!

Loubelle70 · 16/03/2024 07:37

Leave her with it...people usually see when a child has chosen the days clothes 🤣.
When my DD was little ..she would wear bright stripey tights...tutu...dr martens...and jasmines top from disneys aladdin. I actually thought it all adorable...used to make my heart tickle. Leave her to find her own autonomy, its healthy