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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is outdated and needs to be removed?

565 replies

ballybean · 14/03/2024 23:49

My son's school has an all glass isolation room in the hall with three desks, children are put there as punishment? Teachers and students walking passed

OP posts:
ThomasinaLivesHere · 15/03/2024 15:21

Such hyperbolic language being used you’d think they were being stripped and sprayed with a hose.

I think a lot of badly behaved kids would like others to know they’ve behaved badly so wouldn’t necessarily feel embarrassed or humiliated. Many don’t have shame about misbehaving.

Begsthequestion · 15/03/2024 15:19

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 15/03/2024 15:03

I don't see a problem with it. If you don't want to be in it, then behave.

I don't know why words like "barbaric" are being thrown around; it's being kept in a room apart from your peers because you are disturbing them learning. Not sure why it's considered so wild that it's glass and therefore anyone can see you in there. There's plenty of meeting rooms set up like this in my office, and while you're not in there for punishment, anyone can see you.

You can't really be this dense.

ZebraDanios · 15/03/2024 15:10

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 15/03/2024 15:03

I don't see a problem with it. If you don't want to be in it, then behave.

I don't know why words like "barbaric" are being thrown around; it's being kept in a room apart from your peers because you are disturbing them learning. Not sure why it's considered so wild that it's glass and therefore anyone can see you in there. There's plenty of meeting rooms set up like this in my office, and while you're not in there for punishment, anyone can see you.

Everyone knows you’re in there for a meeting rather than everyone knowing you’re in there as a punishment, though. If there were a glass meeting room where they put the least productive worker (or something else bad) to go and work by themselves that day, that would be more akin to this situation.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 15/03/2024 15:03

I don't see a problem with it. If you don't want to be in it, then behave.

I don't know why words like "barbaric" are being thrown around; it's being kept in a room apart from your peers because you are disturbing them learning. Not sure why it's considered so wild that it's glass and therefore anyone can see you in there. There's plenty of meeting rooms set up like this in my office, and while you're not in there for punishment, anyone can see you.

helpfulperson · 15/03/2024 14:50

Cactusdaff · 15/03/2024 13:47

I don't think anyone has actually said that there shouldn't be any consequences. You can apply firm consequences without humiliation. If you can't appreciate the separation - even if you still choose to use humiliation in your own life - then you are the problem, I'm sorry if that's hard for you to hear.

What consequences do you think a school should use?

I don't agree with the box but am interested in what people think schools should do. The level of significant behaviour issues is massive in schools.

Sparsely · 15/03/2024 14:41

If the glass box is outdated, what is the more up to date alternative? (And don't say talking to them as that has no doubt been exhausted before they are put in there)

I think the glass box is just an extension of behaviour management used across our society. If people are a pain, you've tried to get them to stop but that hasn't work you cut them off. You see it in every Mumsnet chat: Divorce the husband. Sack the worker. Stop calling the friend. Ghost the person on Snapchat. Go grey rock with the parents. Don't answer the door unless they've sent a formal warning 2 days before.

Better children learn this valuable lesson in life earlier rather than later?

WhiteLily1 · 15/03/2024 14:34

GoodnightAdeline · 15/03/2024 13:35

Good. Children who act out and disrupt the class should feel embarrassed. Life isn’t going to get any easier for them.

Please please tell me you don’t have kids.

MrsSunshine2b · 15/03/2024 14:32

Putting a child is isolation is incredibly outdated regardless of what material the walls are made of.

StuffyHuffyPuffy · 15/03/2024 14:29

What happened was that the disruption became terrible and collective punishments came in... a couple of kids in class were disruptive - whole class had an experiment cancelled, a couple of kids in class were disruptive - whole class had interesting project cancelled. Not to mention having to go over the same thing 10 times until everyone listens meaning learning decreases.

Penalising every well behaved kid for the behaviour of a few is completely out of order and frustrating for them. So what do you suggest happens with the disruptive kids so that the ones who want to learn aren't penalised?

DS is in Year 3, and four children in his class (1 girl, 3 boys) consistently ruin class projects/endeavours. DS becomes very frustrated as he looks forward to these things. It's sad to witness expectations melt into frustration. His teacher tries with them, but the four children dominate a lot of class time. We parents, in solidarity with schools, need to get involved with solving this issue of class disruption. I welcome all the ideas, even this glass box if it ends up working.

DdraigGoch · 15/03/2024 14:13

Redundantrobin · 15/03/2024 10:44

now, now.

that kind of language will get you a stint in the glass box.

It'll be worth it.

Seaside3 · 15/03/2024 14:10

@Cactusdaff using cameras relies on someone monitoring them constantly. That's not going to happen. Or they may record the abuse, but at that point it's too late.

My dad was a teacher. He asked a bus queue jumper to go to the back of the queue. She accused him of being racist. He isn't. It's not hyperbolic to think they may want an open room, rather than a closed room, so everyone is accountable.

For what it's worth, I still disagree with the principle of isolation. I do not know what else teachers are meant to do though. I don't like the public element if this, but I can see why they might have chosen it.

I deliberately chose schools that were more forgiving for my children as I like them to be able to express themselves. I don't care if they wear their uniform the wrong way, or dye their hair. I do care that they are respectful, on time, with all equipment required. I would never chose a school woth a glass humiliation box, and would suggest the op moves her son if the school are not prepared to consider an alternative room for isolation.

GoodnightAdeline · 15/03/2024 14:00

smooththecat · 15/03/2024 13:38

It’s amazing how many people here, clearly including some who work with children and are meant to have a basic understanding of human behaviour, don’t understand AT ALL the fact that more than one thing can be going on at once inside a person. The subject in the glass box may in fact be exhibiting a gung-ho attitude/badge of honour etc. They may ALSO be experiencing deep shame AT THE SAME TIME. Wild concept. They may carry this memory for the rest of their lives. The behaviours and feelings may even be connected. It says everything about the culture of our country and schools that some people think that all this is fine and we just need to bully people a bit harder until they comply.

We do. It isn’t as simple as ‘if we do X, they’ll do Y’. Some people are inherent bad apples that don’t give a fuck. They won’t feel remorse, they won’t reflect and change their behaviour, so the only thing that will stop them misbehaving is by physically preventing them or making it so there’s a personal impact at the end which makes it not worth doing for them.

I don’t feel one person’s ’humiliation’ matters more than the class they’re disrupting. In fact, I don’t care, actually.

StarlightLime · 15/03/2024 13:57

Cactusdaff · 15/03/2024 13:47

I don't think anyone has actually said that there shouldn't be any consequences. You can apply firm consequences without humiliation. If you can't appreciate the separation - even if you still choose to use humiliation in your own life - then you are the problem, I'm sorry if that's hard for you to hear.

I'm even sorrier that someone talking sense is hard for you to hear <head tilt>

GoodnightAdeline · 15/03/2024 13:55

And to follow on from my last comment it starts young. Parents let themselves be walked over by toddlers. I see them letting their 3 year olds climb all over them elbowing them in the face, taking their food, endlessly shouting to interrupt if they dare speak to anyone else. They just let them, or distract them, so they never learn they’re irritating somebody or behaving unacceptably.

LocalHobo · 15/03/2024 13:51

I suspect around 10 teachers are leaving my school over the next few months due to the children’s behaviour.
well done to this school for doing something that might help stem the utter chaos currently in schools.

Exactly.
. It says everything about the culture of our country I have seen similar (a section of the reception area) in the U.S.,so certainly not confined to the U.K.

GoodnightAdeline · 15/03/2024 13:51

Apolloneuro · 15/03/2024 13:47

As a teacher myself I could not agree with this more.

What really devastates me is the impact this policy has on the children sat there wanting to learn, trying not to cry whilst the chaos surrounds them.

Posters are all ‘is there a study for that, I only listen to experts’ until the experts with experience tell them what they don’t want to hear, then they just ignore it.

So, sadly, none of them will listen to you, or any of your experienced fellow teachers.

Cactusdaff · 15/03/2024 13:47

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/03/2024 13:38

No.

We think that teaching consequences for actions is good for kids.

I don't think anyone has actually said that there shouldn't be any consequences. You can apply firm consequences without humiliation. If you can't appreciate the separation - even if you still choose to use humiliation in your own life - then you are the problem, I'm sorry if that's hard for you to hear.

Apolloneuro · 15/03/2024 13:47

GoodnightAdeline · 15/03/2024 13:40

Quite. Hop over to the staffroom forum and see how restorative practises have resulted in the worst behaved children teachers with 30+ years of experience have ever seen. Aggressive, entitled, apathetic, just vile. If soft restorative consequences worked they should be the most well adjusted kids yet.

As a teacher myself I could not agree with this more.

What really devastates me is the impact this policy has on the children sat there wanting to learn, trying not to cry whilst the chaos surrounds them.

Apolloneuro · 15/03/2024 13:44

Gymrabbit · 15/03/2024 00:04

I suspect around 10 teachers are leaving my school over the next few months due to the children’s behaviour.
well done to this school for doing something that might help stem the utter chaos currently in schools.

Yep. Young relative of mine is an amazing, passionate teacher.

Currently looking for another job because he can’t work in the zoo anymore. Not allowed to sanction/can only reward.

Obviously the feckin #bekind head of behaviour never actually teaches any classes….

smooththecat · 15/03/2024 13:41

Love51 · 15/03/2024 13:07

Almost, not quite. Guilt is the one you feel when you've done something wrong and feel bad about. That's normal and obviously useful, as it makes you feel less likely to do it again.

Guilt is how you feel about what you did. Shame is how you feel about who you are (frequently by people who've experienced abuse). So if my child does something they shouldn't, I want them to feel guilty, which might motivate them to make amends. I don't want them to feel shame in the sense that I don't want them to feel like a worthless human being as that won't motivate them to fix anything and is likely to send them into a spiral of doing other bad things because they've identified themselves as someone who does these things.

Yes, beautiful post.

GoodnightAdeline · 15/03/2024 13:40

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/03/2024 13:38

No.

We think that teaching consequences for actions is good for kids.

Quite. Hop over to the staffroom forum and see how restorative practises have resulted in the worst behaved children teachers with 30+ years of experience have ever seen. Aggressive, entitled, apathetic, just vile. If soft restorative consequences worked they should be the most well adjusted kids yet.

StarlightLime · 15/03/2024 13:40

Abuse? Confused
Teach your child to behave and their school won't have to.

Begsthequestion · 15/03/2024 13:38

ZebraDanios · 15/03/2024 13:35

Lots of Mumsnetters think humiliation is good for kids because it “teaches them resilience”.

I can only presume these are the same posters who claimed on another thread that being the kid who is left over in PE after the team captains have picked everyone else in the class (while the team who gets stuck with you groans in despair) is a good way of learning your limitations…

Edited

Yeah it's like they've completely forgotten what it's like to be a child.

Or never understood that the dunces cap was discontinued for a good reason.

And so the cycle of abuse continues...

Emotionalsupportviper · 15/03/2024 13:38

ZebraDanios · 15/03/2024 13:35

Lots of Mumsnetters think humiliation is good for kids because it “teaches them resilience”.

I can only presume these are the same posters who claimed on another thread that being the kid who is left over in PE after the team captains have picked everyone else in the class (while the team who gets stuck with you groans in despair) is a good way of learning your limitations…

Edited

No.

We think that teaching consequences for actions is good for kids.

smooththecat · 15/03/2024 13:38

It’s amazing how many people here, clearly including some who work with children and are meant to have a basic understanding of human behaviour, don’t understand AT ALL the fact that more than one thing can be going on at once inside a person. The subject in the glass box may in fact be exhibiting a gung-ho attitude/badge of honour etc. They may ALSO be experiencing deep shame AT THE SAME TIME. Wild concept. They may carry this memory for the rest of their lives. The behaviours and feelings may even be connected. It says everything about the culture of our country and schools that some people think that all this is fine and we just need to bully people a bit harder until they comply.