My DH doesn't want to go on holiday

You’re struggling to adjust to living back here, I think you’ll find that your DH is probably struggling even more, as you say he doesn’t even want to go out or do anything, so it’s not just about holidays. You need to have an honest conversation to get to the bottom of it, you’re thinking about holidays, do you really know what your DH is thinking about.

How can ANYONE be in a marriage with a high earner who doesn't share the money!?
Who lets you struggle on?
Absolutely horrific.
I was a SAHM and all money was equal, how it should be.

Did you even bother reading my post properly apart from one word? I never said his behaviour was acceptable or 'just' miserly.
He won't change, so the OP's only option is to leave. You claiming 'financial abuse' on this scale isn't going to conjure up a comfy council house + magic money pot for OP and her two kids. Especially not in London (guessing from the 2K flat price). Even women beaten all over are turned away from shelters because there's simply no space.

OP is halfway through a degree and has everything that she needs. She's annoyed about not having enough holidays, not wondering how to feed her kids. It's not a race to the bottom, but unlike the latter scenario I don't think her current situation necessitates leaving ASAP.

Finish her education, gain independence and then assert herself/leave. I don't think living on benefits in shitty temporary accommodation is going to do OP any long-term favours. Even if she does get a good chunk of the family assets in a divorce she still needs to earn and provide for herself, especially as she's re-entering the workforce older.

People are understating this. He is more than "miserly," if the OP can't even buy herself a coffee or new clothes if she needs them. That's not just miserly - taking away someone's independence/agency in this way is financial abuse.

OK, so you know his salary, know you can afford it, but he just doesn't want to spend the money?
I mean, there are deeper issues here. You should be making these decisions as a family. But then again, you're from the same cultural background. I'm presuming that if women aren't allowed to work or study, men are the default 'heads of the household' and can do what they like. You have to be content with the scraps he gives you.
Not sure how the opinion of random women on Mumsnet is going to help.

Usually people will say LTB but, you don't want for anything actually necessary? So he's miserly, rather than actively depriving you? Get your education and be independent, then you can decide what to do. Especially as your kids are already secondary age which is good.

Nobody said there was?
You just said needing to own a pet is normal spending, according to society. A holiday is not.
I said you were wrong, because well there are loads and loads of threads on here from people who can't live without a holiday!

The 'hard time' OP was getting was because of her opening post. Not earning, does go abroad a lot (but doesn't count because it's to 'visit mum'),.. etc.

I don't think there's anything wrong with prioritising a holiday over anything else in life. It could be argued no one "needs" anything but we all might choose to do different things beyond the immediate basics. I've never had a wedding or kids and live frugally overall through the year but a holiday I enjoy as the UK climate IS as she said, awful!

Everyone needs clothes OP and cosmetics (plus many other things to live a basic normal life). Yes there are some things that can be considered luxuries in my list but no grown adult should be living without choices, scared to ask their partner for money. That is no life.

I dont want to add more stress to you, but is there any option for a part-time job now kids are older or a few hours working anywhere. I know the solution should be him splitting the family money with you, but if you know that wont happen, i’d get some part time hours (if possible), get my course done, take the kids and get out of there!

Nah, MN is full of travel obsessed people there are plenty of threads with people stating that they 'need' a holiday!
Now a clearer picture is emerging, husband doesn't give OP equal access but you don't know whether they 'can' afford it. A big mortgage and private school won't leave one with much change out of even a 'top 2%' income. Bear in mind that the wealthy don't earn a salary anyway...

OP, you've had an undeserved hard time on this post and I wonder if you had stated you wanted/needed to own a pet or something else society deems as "normal spending" over needing the sun/a holiday, the reaction would have been different over your husband earning in the top 2%, which makes you as a couple very wealthy so I'd think why on earth would two people need to work, anyway when you have enough money? I too value the sun and seeking that/a holiday. I'd rather spend on this than 100 other things people do throughout the year or their lifetime. I would feel the same over his odd guarding over the spending, relative to his wealth. He sounds really entitled/tight, unless there's more to it you don't know and his top 2% wages aren't the overall picture of things? Like he invested bady and he lost money and isn't telling you? I think it's fair enough if he doesnt personally wish to travel overseas but sounds like you moved further away from your family to suit his needs so hence obviously you're going to want trips back to see your family in Egypt or nearby! I would echo other posters, though who suggest there's easier/cheaper holidays in Europe over the sun seeking.

OP, I based my reply earlier on in the thread thinking your DH just wasn’t that bothered about a holiday.

If you dont have access to money and you’re not working, thats financial abuse. Everyone needs money for day to day things - lunches, coffee, cosmetics, clothes, haircuts, entertainment for the kids at the weekends and school holidays etc, meeting friends, hobbies etc. He should not be controlling the money just because you are studying and can’t earn. You are a family and a team and ofcourse most families need a budget, but you still need access to the money!

Just to clarify, do you have access to money for day to day things?

OP there is a really uneven balance here that sounds like financial control.
There are definitely bigger problems than holidays.

Im sorry but this is not right at all.

You should be able to purchase some things by yourself with access to family funds and yes you both discuss and agree when it comes to paying for expensive stuff, you both agree a limit, but having to go to him anytime you need to pay for anything is so wrong and controlling.

I can’t believe people are really trying to justify such control simply because they keep focusing on NYC.

@ACuriousHare thanks for your posts. I was really starting to question my sanity reading all the posts attacking the OP. The holiday is a red herring, this a case of secrecy, financial abuse and control.

Is he Egyptian too?

This is shocking. As one of two adults in the household, you should have access to money that you can spend (responsibly) on the things that you and other family members need. You should not need your H's permission for every little purchase.

Something is clearly wrong with your situation if you can't treat a friend to a coffee or buy a pair of shoes without having to clear it and get the money from your H in advance.

I get where you are coming from. I really like holidays, mainly because I like hot weather and being at the coast. I'd secretly love to live in a warmer country but that's unlikely to happen. DH is not very interested in holidays and prefers staying in the UK if we do go. However he understands that it's my 'thing' and I'm prepared to make sacrifices for it. I do some extra locum work and limit my spending on things like eating out, clothes etc. I appreciate I am lucky we can afford holidays, although we do book more affordable options. I think you need to have a wider conversation about his spending of money. Is he worried or just sees these things as waste? Would he be happy to divert some money towards a holiday by saving on other things? Without knowing the details of your finances, it is hard to know if you are overspending or he is being overly cautious.

OP, I didn't mean how do you contribute to stuff - obviously, you will not presently be contributing financially if not working.

I meant, how do you 'pay' for stuff? So for instance, if you want a coffee, lunch out, a haircut, dentist, to buy a present for a friend - how do you pay for these things?

Essentially, do you have access to money?

He’s saying you can’t afford it and as he’s the only one working and paying the bills then that’s fair play.

I really don't understand views like this. This is not how healthy, equal and respectful relationships work.

If you don't have a joint account, how do you pay for stuff, OP?

OP, these responses are odd.

Presumably it was a joint decision that you would study.

I don't see why as an adult you are supposed to have no say in the family finances just because you're currently not earning. I have gone through periods of not working and being a SAHM, I have worked part-time and earned much less than my DH and I have also earned more at times. At all of these times, I would have been less than amused at the idea that the validity of my views as to how we should spend our family money depended on how much I was contributing. I contribute and have contributed so much to our family in both financial and non-financial ways.

If he thinks you can't afford a holiday, he needs to sit down with you and go through your joint financial situation with you. That way you can come to a joint, informed decision.