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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stick to terms of agreement with friends

265 replies

Bungybungy · 14/03/2024 10:05

Burner account. I’ve been friends with F for decades. She had a large social media presence. I’ve worked hard to establish my business and have been successful. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. 5 years ago, F came to me with a business idea, wanting to set up herself. She didn’t at that time have the funds to set up by herself so I agreed to invest a not insignificant sum in return for 20% of the business. She was happy with that deal, and because I work in legal services, I got our guy who deals with contracts to draw up an agreement specifying what rights and responsibilities etc. Although this was an area she had worked in before, she had never actually run a business before. I guess that’s why she came to me in part, so it wasn’t just about the money. To her credit, and using my advice, the business has grown quickly and is well known. At the time of the investment I understood that I could just as easily have lost my money completely.

Our relationship is now very difficult as I’ve realised over the last 2 years that she’s been distancing herself from me, which is fine, relationships come and go, but last week I got a letter from her solicitor telling me that she was unhappy with my ownership and that she wanted to buy me out for just over my initial investment. Given the business is now worth several times over my initial investment, I can’t accept that (she put close to no money in herself). For her to pay me off would cost her 5 times my initial investment. AIBU to expect her to honour the agreement? I know she’s contractually bound but she’s been so vile about this, I’m second guessing myself. She keeps threatening to “out” my business via her social media(I have no idea what this means). I’m actually scared about what she could do.

OP posts:
Lazypeopledrivemecrazy · 14/03/2024 19:56

I'm afraid in your shoes OP, I'd be digging my heels in and saying, 'no, sorry, I don't want to sell at this time', then if you've got the money, you could always really wind her up by offering to buy her out!!

Seriously though, why not hang on to your shares, if you think the business is going to continue to make money and increase in value, then I'd hang on in there. She is really trying to shaft you, which is very unfair, when you were good enough to show faith in her abilities by actually investing hard cash to back her, so she deserves to suffer after trying to rip you off.

Monkeyfeat · 14/03/2024 19:55

Bungybungy · 14/03/2024 19:52

She asked F how much she thought the business was worth now but F said that wasn’t important but it’s the principle that matters more.

😂 Well she's absolutely right but it's amazing she doesn't see the irony in her words as her 'argument' sides with you

betterangels · 14/03/2024 19:53

Monkeyfeat · 14/03/2024 19:50

You'd give away your money - a big sum - to someone who is ungrateful and treated you badly when you did them a massive favour? Why?

Yes, why? You'd be a mug.

LaPalmaLlama · 14/03/2024 19:53

Are you also a director?

Bungybungy · 14/03/2024 19:52

Monkeyfeat · 14/03/2024 19:49

What did your mutual friend say back?

She asked F how much she thought the business was worth now but F said that wasn’t important but it’s the principle that matters more.

OP posts:
Monkeyfeat · 14/03/2024 19:50

Allwelcone · 14/03/2024 19:47

@Bungybungy maybe my use of the word "moral" was hasty. For what it's worth I did not intend to imply that any other choice was immoral in any way. It was just an option, I can't imagine what I wpuld do in this situation.

You'd give away your money - a big sum - to someone who is ungrateful and treated you badly when you did them a massive favour? Why?

Dogdilemma2000 · 14/03/2024 19:49

You’ve got the moral high ground for sure.

She is chancing her luck.

Monkeyfeat · 14/03/2024 19:49

Bungybungy · 14/03/2024 19:38

That’s not going to happen. I don’t think me effectively giving her my money for no return would be the moral choice. The idiotic choice, sure, but not moral. Like I said, she just can’t seem to understand why I won’t just roll over and give her what she wants. She had a coffee with a mutual today and said as much. I’m now properly fired up. Solicitors letter going out Monday.

What did your mutual friend say back?

CantFindTheBeat · 14/03/2024 19:48

What does the Shareholders agreement say? That will set out what can and can't be done.

As a general opinion, As the business was established 5 years ago, I think she's rather missed the boat on buying back your shares at original value. You might have been open to this after year one or two, but 5 seems far too long.

If she wants to negotiate to buy your shares, her first step is to find the EBITDA and see if you'll negotiate on that.

Allwelcone · 14/03/2024 19:47

@Bungybungy maybe my use of the word "moral" was hasty. For what it's worth I did not intend to imply that any other choice was immoral in any way. It was just an option, I can't imagine what I wpuld do in this situation.

Noshowlomo · 14/03/2024 19:44

Good you’ve got a mutual to keep you in the loop OP! What an arse

LoveSkaMusic · 14/03/2024 19:42

I would refuse to sell up just to piss her off.

Glassshouldbehalffull · 14/03/2024 19:40

her success has gone to her head… she’s being totally unrealistic and selfish

HalebiHabibti · 14/03/2024 19:40

Good for you OP!

Bungybungy · 14/03/2024 19:38

Allwelcone · 14/03/2024 19:19

You could begin non-friendship clouded negotiations.
Or
Truly moral stance, do you need the money? Could you let it go and let her be the nasty person here? Or would you always feel bitter about it.

I guess you could refuse to be bought out at all and hang on to the 20% forever...

That’s not going to happen. I don’t think me effectively giving her my money for no return would be the moral choice. The idiotic choice, sure, but not moral. Like I said, she just can’t seem to understand why I won’t just roll over and give her what she wants. She had a coffee with a mutual today and said as much. I’m now properly fired up. Solicitors letter going out Monday.

OP posts:
SerendipityJane · 14/03/2024 19:37

I take it she's getting her advice from "The Art of the Deal" ?

OoooohSpookyGhost · 14/03/2024 19:37

I think it’s very clear here that the only moral thing to do is to stick to the contract and tell her you will take your 20% at market rate. The reason this is moral is for several reasons:

  1. When you agree a contract you stick to it.
  2. You have a moral obligation to yourself to have strong boundaries.
  3. You are doing her a favour by showing her, in real time, that actions have consequences. The action was the agreement, the consequences are your cut. It’s very simple. If you take less then you are doing her a huge disservice and allowing her to continue to be a brat and someone else down the line will suffer the consequences. Being a good friend (irregardless of HER not being a friend) means you hold your friend to account.

Congratulations, OP, on a sound business investment. Now stop feeling bad. You have no reason to.

Monkeyfeat · 14/03/2024 19:34

Allwelcone · 14/03/2024 19:19

You could begin non-friendship clouded negotiations.
Or
Truly moral stance, do you need the money? Could you let it go and let her be the nasty person here? Or would you always feel bitter about it.

I guess you could refuse to be bought out at all and hang on to the 20% forever...

Moral stance? That's just stupid, not moral.... That makes no sense whatsoever to do. Thankfully the op sounds sensible and won't do this

StockpotSoup · 14/03/2024 19:29

Allwelcone · 14/03/2024 19:19

You could begin non-friendship clouded negotiations.
Or
Truly moral stance, do you need the money? Could you let it go and let her be the nasty person here? Or would you always feel bitter about it.

I guess you could refuse to be bought out at all and hang on to the 20% forever...

Yeah, and with the money you get for selling your 20% for a fraction of what it’s worth, buy a flight to Suckersville, USA.

Allwelcone · 14/03/2024 19:19

You could begin non-friendship clouded negotiations.
Or
Truly moral stance, do you need the money? Could you let it go and let her be the nasty person here? Or would you always feel bitter about it.

I guess you could refuse to be bought out at all and hang on to the 20% forever...

CommentNow · 14/03/2024 19:19

Of course she is having a tantrum.

If it works she stands to gain a lot.

You had a contract for exactly this reason.

She doesnt like you and she is not your friend. The sooner you see this as a business transaction and a company bot treating you very well, the better. You need a fighting instinct.

Bearbookagainandagain · 14/03/2024 19:11

In your shoes, I would negotiate to buy her out. If the relationship is sour, you are better off distancing yourself.
She made an offer, reject it and make your own. From what you are saying , you have good evidence to support your claim. Hopefully you can find a compromise she will accept.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 14/03/2024 18:57

There is a clear contract signed by both parties.

You aren't missing anything morally - in fact she would have nothing without you.

I wouldn't think twice about it. She's absolutely trying to take advantage and pull a fast one.

ArrestHer · 14/03/2024 18:30

This is a business deal. Whether you were still friends or not is irrelevant.

if you own 20% of the business and she wants you to not own it she needs to buy you out at the correct value of your ownership share as it is now.

if you were even considering reducing the amount you’d accept surely that horse bolted when she threatened you with the social media stuff.

solicitors only now I think, as PP have said, and hold out for what you own.

Londonscallingme · 14/03/2024 18:19

If she wanted a loan she should have asked for one. She agreed to you investing in her business so you should agree to less than what was promised.