Worried about DSs friend subsiding their trip

Got to admit, the whole thread is a slightly surreal, and yeah agree with most, "pay your own way is fairest", but it is 3am and @NineofPopes posts have made me laugh for being such obvious wind up bait for mumsnetters, yet with so few takers...

I agree. I'm really taken aback by the coddling of this young adult. In my world he'd be getting a job or cutting his cloth accordingly. Not being covered by a friend's inheritance.

If Mumsnet were a person it would have some kind of multiple personality disorder. Any thread that is ever posted about Shamima Begum is overwhelmingly filled with people claiming that there is no way she was groomed, at 15 she knew what she was doing....etc etc. This young lady wants to spend a few quid on her friends and having a great holiday and suddenly she must be vulnerable and in need of guidance. Seriously, this forum is utterly bizarre. OP, your sons friend is 18, wants to have a nice holiday with her mates, the people calling you and your son names have lost the plot. Let them get on with their holiday plans, it's fine.

He has the rest of his life to save up for a holiday rather than sponging off an orphan. Disgusting.

It appears a lot of thought has been given to sport but none at all to instilling morals.

OP if your son was an orphan would you want your som spending his inheritance on a holiday for his mates to go on?
Exacty, no way of course not.

Why on earth does this seem ok to any adult or young person involved. Surely this is a spoof thread.

OP ignore all the other posters who are calling you names for daring to entertain someone spending their money how they wish

I suspect if you had left the friend's gender ambiguous, or it had been a male friend, replies wouldn't be so harsh because it's not a male friend "taking advantage" of a young woman who can only ever be a victim.

She isn't paying for the whole trip. Friends are all contributing towards the trip by paying for flights and train travel. Presumably will also be paying for food, trips etc too as part of the "spending money"

She's doing a nice thing by using the money EARMARKED FOR TRAVEL to treat her friends to slightly nicer hotels (which as parents you should be glad of as it should be a bit safer too). She clearly will have plenty left if she has solo travel plans later as well.

Sizeable probably means she has already sectioned some off for uni fees/housing/savings.

She's 18, wanting to have fun with her friends and enjoy the money she inherited under awful circumstances!

Travelling with friends, however, can put a lot of strain on a friendship. You suddenly discover all the differences you have on things like food preferences, how you time your day, visits you prioritise etc. It can work, it can not.

My advice is make sure he has enough money to fly back early if things go wrong and to cover a room for a night if needed. Also let him know he can call you at any time and, if you can, let him know you will sub him some money for return flights etc if something terrible happens.

Zombie. Or, at the very least the OP’s son is probably already on his extended European trip with his friend.

perhaps you should put your hand in your pocket!

I agree. No way ever would I let a friend of my child subsidise their holiday.

You are also teaching him it's o.k. to freeload off other people. It never is!

You sound completely awful with no conscience. Nearly all replies are astounded that you're more worried about your little darling you've totally glossed over them which just cements the type of person you are.

Either he gets a job, and if you're ruling that out (which is a luxury most teens don't have) perhaps you should put your hand in your pocket!

I'm not sure it's as clear cut as some pp's are making it out to be.

I do agree with you, OP, that I'd be advising my DS to cut his cloth accordingly. Not necessarily because I think the friend subsidising the trip means they get to call the shots, but because between a group of friends the dynamic can be off if they are not paying their own way, because it's a life lesson in living within (and travelling within) your own means.

If the friend is absolutely stinking rich loaded and subsidising the trip for the friend's won't make the tiniest impact on her inheritance, then I'd be less concerned about DS taking advantage. But if there is a more limited pot that will make a difference to her future life (house deposits, university fees etc etc) then I wouldn't be comfortable with her giving my son a few thousand pounds of hotel costs.

This 100%

YAB incredibly U , as a parent, knowing that this young girl has lost a parent, as is paying for friends' holidays rather than getting advice about investing it for something more tangible in the future

Wow. Just wow.

He’s a sponger.

This is what I was thinking.

👆🏼👏🏼

Do you know whether the friend has someone helping her make good financial decisions?

I don't think it's necessarily a bad choice to spend money earmarked for travel on her friends' accommodation. It depends on her travel budget. She might much prefer travelling a month with friends than two months alone.

It's eye opening there are people in the world with such shitty morals that they'd actually feel comfortable posting something as horrendous as this.

I hope OP has "complained" about this to many people in real life so they have the full measure of her and her family.

Working isn't an option. Not asking for or taking opinion on this. He enjoys his sport he has the rest of his life to work. End of

He also has the rest of his life to go on holiday and not sponge off friends.

You’re are as cheeky as he is.

I spent the best part of two years living for free in a beautiful listed building. He could have charged us rent (it wasn’t just me), but he didn’t. I was much richer than I would otherwise have been, because I didn’t have to pay for student accommodation, and I was able to stay though the vac, sitting on antique furniture, drinking wine from his parents’ cellar. He didn’t pay out extra money from his inheritance for a holiday, no, but he was covering gas and electricity bills for three extra people, and subsidising us for the sake of company, just as the OP’s son’s friend is proposing.

Well then they do a "worse trip" whatever that means. If he doesn't want to get a job then he'll just have to go on a holiday he CAN afford instead won't he. There's no way I'd let another 18 year old fund my own no matter where that money was coming from. My 18 year old wouldn't accept that in the first place! Little scrounger

Absolutely this. OP, why isn't this your 'concern'?

You should be more worried about taking advantage of a vulnerable young girl than your son's experience being lessened as a CF. Teach him some morals, he needs to pay his own way or you need to pay for him, not exploit his friend.

This

I can't get over that you've no concerns that your ds friend is spending some of her inheritance on your son and others holiday. Surely your first concern should have been for his friend and her welfare and good support , or lack thereof... , not whether her paying might in sone way ruin his holiday...

How could you think this way?

He is 18.
Leave him to it.

You want to interfere in an adult's plans because you think he might have more fun doing something else?

Really - back off. Yes, if you were worried they were paying for him to do something terribly reckless and risky, then you could say something.

But thinking he might have a better time or that his friend might want to prioritise activities they like is not a reason to get involved in another adult's life.

Maybe he will have a rubbish time. That's ok. It won't kill him. He has the rest of his life ahead of him to learn how to plan a trip he enjoys
On the other hand, he might have brilliant time!

It's vile. Absolutely vile.

It's genuinely one of the worst things I've read on here.