To feel like I've let my kids down..

I had my own bedroom etc but my house was so miserable I spent more of it round my friends 2 bed flat. My bigger house was also filthy compared to my friends lovely clean and cosy flat
Even a box room can be adapted for study etc- ikea do a good fold down desk. It’s honestly not a big deal to kids.

The size of your house is a fairly insignificant part of your life, unless you're so overcrowded you suffer discomfort or loss of privacy. Most of us spend the best part of our lives somewhere else, school, work, hobbies, parks, woods, towns, and when we are at home we can only sit in one room at a time, so why do we need surrounding by extra ones? You have all you need to give your children the basics - a safe, comfortable and adequate home. What you do from that foundation to enhance their childhood is entirely up to you, and nothing to do with the size of your house.

Your house sounds the same as mine, average!

We had a lovely big 4 bed semi and stupidly got too deep in debt. We moved to a terrace with no hall and two rooms on each floor in a state , had to gut it while we loved in it . 2 older teens still at home loved it . Family loved it ....I was ashamed at first but I did love that house 🏠 and miss it now we've moved areas .
My point is we were no happier in the big house and neither was anyone else . Let people judge but find your happiness by making your space as nice as you can .

We have a huge old bungalow, live very rural. Was in my friend’s house the other day and was thinking how much I hate the huge amount of cleaning here (her house sounds like yours and while it is full it’s very very clean(!) how messy ours can be, our kitchen floor takes forever to clean, then the fact that we can’t walk anywhere, that the kids can’t just go to a park like my friends’ can etc etc. but it’s our home and we’re so lucky to own, we got this by chance and it was vin an awful state and we wouldn’t have afforded anything else. I’m sorry to say this but work with what you have and try to enjoy!

I live in a flat with my DD. It is a large maisonette with more than enough space for us but I still feel guilty that it isn’t a house.
My DD has never made a comment about us having a flat and not a house, I just don’t think she notices. There are loads of kids in our street (which is all lower flats and upper maisonettes). I agree with others, feeling loved and secure is much more important.

Hmm… your house is bigger than mine. Grass is always greener on the other side. Be grateful, it could be worse.

We grew up moving around different council estates. DM always felt like she'd let us down when she got low and we always had to tell her that she did a great job. I doubt your kids see things the same way you do @sunkmybattleship, and they definitely won't when they're older and look back.

6x6ft sounds massive for a hallway? My house is 12ft at its widest point and it’s a very standard house, not like a tiny shack

There are always going to be people better off than you and there are always going to be people worse off than you. If your kids are clean, well and healthily fed, safe, you are meeting all of their needs like and you are emotionally available to them I don't think you can say you are letting them down.

yes you're comparing and I suspect if you didn't think about what your friend has so much you wouldn't actually think you're letting your children down at all. If you compare, you'll always find someone you think is doing better. Focus on your own life.

OP you are letting yourself down, not your DCs by allowing wishing and daydreaming which we all do, to affect you negatively. Think of how to improve your space inside and out and perhaps moving to a cheaper area to get more for your money. Redcar in the north is starting to boom as WFHs are buying then commuting when needed in the office. £150k for big space and beach on doorstep. There are lots of areas like this. There are usually options, aspire to, don’t envy. Security and love are the most important things for your DCs and it sounds like you’ve smashed those

This is such a fun idea!!! And wouldn’t be possible with a flat garden so will make yours really unique. I love this!! I would want this and I’m a 48 year old woman 😂😂

I hope you’re feeling a bit better OP. We all have our moments of navel-gazing but you’re doing just fine.

I did GCEs and A levels without having a desk or anywhere private to study. I shared a room, had four siblings and we lived in a three bedroomed house. . It didn't bother me it seemed normal to me. So much so that when I went to university and had my own room I found it almost impossible to concentrate it was too quiet.
What I mainly remember from my childhood is how loving my parents were, how much they wanted the best for us and the good times we had together and I have very fond memories of that smallish house.

I suppose I do compare, I just felt so sad seeing her happily running around playing with all these toys that we don't have room for, prams, play kitchens, dressing tables etc. we have a few dolls or a jigsaw out and the room is so tiny it looks a mess.

Kids love playing with their friends' toys, that's part of the joy of going to someone else's house. If you really want her to have some of these toys though, there is usually a way. Our toy kitchen (a fiver second hand!) was just a small stove with oven underneath (not one of the bigger ones with sink, cupboards etc) so a small footprint, but it was used constantly and much loved. Most toy prams fold away for storage. Mess is just part of play - as long as it can all be easily thrown back into toy boxes before bedtime, I don't see it as a big deal.

Most kids have way too many unnecessary toys anyway. They don't need endless "stuff" but they do need versatile toys (things like building blocks, some generic dressing up items like cloaks, crowns, magic wands etc, a toy teaset etc) which are flexible and allow themselves to be incorporated into lots of different games. Mine will raid the house and turn the cupboards upside down to find things to use in their games - more temporary chaos but less permanent clutter and plastic tat! Some additional toys and accessories can be cheaply made at home and discarded without guilt after they're finished with. Also, have a ruthless declutter and invest in clever bedroom furniture. IKEA is full of furniture with clever storage solutions that will maximize vertical space and free up floor space for play. Does your daughter really need a wardrobe in her room at this age, or could her clothes live in yours leaving her more floor space for bigger toys? Etc.

You haven't failed your children. Many people grow up in small houses. Your children have a warm home and a garden however small that is a lot more than many people have.
Don't focus on what you don't have just on what you have and try and give your children a happy secure childhood.
When they grow up they will remember and valve more the time they spend with you and the things you all do together more than how big their house was.

Can you work on the garden?
Our garden is sloped, so the only flat flat area is the small terrace area near house. Ds plays out there all the time.

Most used things are the sandpit, a mud kitchen, and water play in summer. They all take up little space compared to a climbing frame. Also have chalkboard on wall

We also built some raised beds into the slopes which are great for kids to grow strawberries and other things. You can grow basics in regular pots.

The faux 'I've let my kids down' is silly and untruthful. What you mean is you are jealous you have to work and that nobody handed you life on a plate like they did to this woman. Well, that's just life.

Quite right. Another of these 'I've let my kids down' posts from people living perfectly normal lives so that they sound unselfish rather than envious.

You haven't let them down, there are families living in bed and breakfasts for months who'd love to have what you have. Count your blessings.

Comparison is the thief of joy and all that. Can you tweak the layout so that you feel more in love with it?

I've gone from a 4 bed detached to a 3 bed terrace post divorce, and I do have days where I yearn for my log burner and bigger plot, but that's not practical for me now and I try to keep that in mind.

I have raised 2 sons with a 10 year age gap in a 2 bed house.
DS2 stayed in my room until DS1 left for uni (and still then had to move back in with me when DS1 came home).
It is what it is. We are financially secure, happy and healthy.
Looking at what you don't have rather what you do is never helpful (unless you are a lazy arse and need outside motivation).
As I've got older, things like health and peace of mind become way more important than material wealth.

Extra long curved slide here:

Your small house almost certainly will have a smaller carbon footprint than a much larger house, so you are actively helping the environment. Now that spring is here, if you want to work on the garden I would definitely work with what you've got - big slope? how about putting a giant slide in (set onto the ground? Your daughter and all her frineds will love you for it.

Sorry - am I misreading the original post? IIRC

1. First, OP is in the privileged minority (40%) of the UK population that actually own their home
2. Secondly - unless I misunderstand -it's a three bedroomed house. So all separate bedrooms (and one to spare?)
3. Thirdly, OP has a conservatory
4. Fourthly, OP has a garden - which even without anything dong to it, will hold a trampoline/whatever.

The only way she will be failing her child will be if the envy she has of her 'friend' (the friend she's not happy for) and general resentment is an attitude that permeates the household and is picket up by her child

My kids have lived in everything from 3 story houses with multiple rooms we never even went in, to tiny flats where you had to pull a divider to get a bedroom out of view of the living room (we've moved around a lot)

We were happy in all of them. It's me that goes stir crazy not being able to have some peace, they just adapt to wherever we're living now - they're far more affected by everything else in their lives - friends, school, whether the local swimming pool/playground is decent etc.