Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

Year 6?! I don't want to believe this. Mine goes to Catholic school and is still shocked when anyone so much as says a mild swear word. His friends are similar. I guess they are really sheltered or are in for a very rough ride when moving to secondary...

I dont think you can ask the school to police everything in Whats App groups unless its specifically to do with bullying (in which case I definately would report everything).

We have a rule of only Whats App groups with my childs close friendship group (so less than 15 friends across a few groups - secondary school). Ive taken my child out of any large groups without close friends/kids from other schools. I saw one Whats app group of Year 7’s where the language was disgusting - grateful my child has a very nice friendship group.

I used the term tattle-tale in context of 11 year old school boys. That, because they are immature/ 11 years old, is how many would interpret the MN desire to report.

That is the world that the OP's son has to live in.

Unlike most posters on this thread I have actively considered the child. Who despite being a boy, is still entitled to our consideration and protection. I don't think that is too immature.

How some people are skipping over the fact there was an image with a girls mouth open suggesting she’s good at oral, over using the term Karen is beyond me 🤯

It’s just a ridiculous saying, who cares? There are more things to worry about here like a boy who’s been subject to racism.

Yes OP definitely report it, a message will probably get sent round to the parents to inform them all to check their child’s phone, and mentioned in assembly or tutor groups etc.

Sadly, it probably happens in every single secondary school so it isn’t likely to go away, but at least now you know to be aware of it before your son sees anything.

I would make school aware if there is racist abuse.

Don’t do this. Awful advice!

Unlike you, I believe that women are real and have agency and they are not the creation of the Patriarchy. Not all of those women are perfect. Some of those imperfections are shared.

If all our language is the creation of the patriarchy, as you imply, I can only use patriachial language to describe anything, including women.

But what of a gay man. The Patriarchy subjected him to awful prejudice and horrific and dehumanising punishment. Are gay men part of the Patriarchy.

Men, including white men, have been enslaved throughout history. Are they the Patriarchy?

What of weak, stupid, inadequate men? The Patriarchy exploited them. Sending them down mines, out to sea and off to war? Are those inadequate men the Patriarchy?

Before the first women were given the vote in 1918 half of British men didn't have the vote. Were those disenfranchised 50% the Patriarchy?

But to return to Karen. I confess I didn't know that the term was coined in Britain. But we do share our language with Americans. We can't just ignore what words mean to them. The term Karen is now being used to describe men, which arguably empowers women and removes the misogyny.

The one thing I wrote/implied that you don't seem to disagree with is that women complain/ make a fuss more than men. That really is the heart of the issue.

Sorry to have derailed your thread OP, but I share responsibility with the people who complained/ made a fuss about your language. If only we had a non-sexist word to describe them.

Why wouldn't you want to report bullying to the school? I note the use of the word tattle-tale in one of your earlier posts which makes you sound immature. It absolutely should be reported to the school. They need to be aware of it along with other safeguarding concerns within this group.

OP please please report to your school.

Children do need to "survive" school however that does not entail adults abandoning them to a system where children abuse and bully each other with impunity. Report for the sake of your child AND for the sake of those whose upbringing is going so badly wrong that they racially abuse. And young girls behaving in a prematurely sexual manner is a potential red flag for safeguarding too.

Children in "rough" schools deserve safety and safeguarding as much as any other child.

If it is a good school, it will thank you and know how to handle this correctly and ensure your child isn't bullied as a result. If it doesn't, you should consider reporting to Ofsted and also leaving. Also don't assume that bullying is an inevitable result. Remember the behaviour of the other children is a communication that something is wrong in their lives. Often children are grateful for boundaries; there's a reason those very strict secondary schools often report high levels of pupil happiness: they feel safe.

I say all this from having experienced this at both primary and secondary, with good outcomes from reporting.

Definitely report. It’s not the schools job to police it. But they can make parents aware (sure these parents aren’t aware of exactly what’s on the group chat). Our school sent an email round saying that a big group chat had been created and 10-11 year olds in it. Our children weren’t in it but it made us go and check x x

@UpsideLeft What a load of rubbish. Her DS has already been racially bullied, and how are the kids going to find out it was her who's reported it? But let's just ignore it, because 11 year old girls talking about being good at oral is completely normal? I'm glad most people on this thread take this sort of thing seriously.

Yes I think she's probably got the message by now, maybe people could stop piling in

At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged .

Use of the term "Karen". Also an insult. Please stop. 🙄

But schools have always had a duty to deal with bullying, and so much of it goes on on social media. So they have to, really.
At my Dds school they have don’t have so social media stuff to deal with as they have banned phones completely on school grounds. No hmk via apps and phones. It reduces the issues on social media a lot. Not completely, but a lot, and it is certainly no longer school responsibility.

Oh they're so much more tech savvy than you can imagine. My oldest DS had built his own PC and was in the throws of learning how to code when he was 12 and the younger started earlier because of his brothers help so 11 year olds and phones are a piece of cake really.

Karen was not used in the UK in its original context. It was misogynist, ageist and classist. The name Karen is not a "rich white woman" name in the UK.

It had been in use in the UK for a couple of years before it's US root was learned here, giving those who used it a convenient shield to hide behind.

You cannot draw parallels between toxic masculinity and so called femininity. Femininity is as much a patriarchal idea as masculinity. Both serve to keep men on top and women as the underclass. Globally. If "toxic femininity" is a thing, it is done to women. It sure ain't women recognising the abusive patterns of their oppressor.

You REALLY don't need to quote the whole of the opening post. We have all read it. Why do people do that?

But how do they deal with it beyond draw it to the parent's attention. Which might not be a bad start.

Perhaps they put the whole group into detention (many disapprove of group punishments, I do as well) and exclude those who actually sent the unacceptable/appalling/bullying posts?

Perhaps it is easier than I thought. Until you remember there are over 900 posts on this one group alone. Well that would only be a couple of hours work assuming the kids co-operate and admit they sent the messages, assuming that they did. Is it easy to set up fake accounts? Can accounts be hacked? Can phones be borrowed? Do 11 year olds do that?

Our school has said that they want to know of ANY safe guarding concerns as soon as possible. This includes social media content.

OP yes you should report it

and you should not be fearful about naming and being proud of the part of the world you come from, I have travelled extensively in Southern Africa, and its a beautiful place full of wonderful people - some of the countries have had some bad political management over the years, but er.. so have we!!! politicians are politicians the world over!

@JamSandle Yes, and I tried to do so. But other 11yos weren’t organised / caring / thoughtful enough (understandably) to remember to include my DC. I can’t control what apps other DC have access to. I was pretty reluctant to allow it, but it was getting ridiculous. Things like missing student-run drama rehearsals and losing train friends were just some of the issues.

You could report it to the school. Last year my DCs school became involved in a situation where they had been told of a group of 14 year old girls had arranged to meet up with a group of 20 yr old men in another city. They got the girls in and the parents and got the girls to show the messages with all the details. They did a big push the next week of online safety.

What's app is definitely a tricky thing and I think you need other parents on board too who also monitor their kids phones, otherwise letting them know what's going on is futile and the school involvement may be a wake up call for many.

It's good you contacted the mother about the racism. I've had a mother contact me to ask why my DS (among others) had blocked her DS and painting him as a poor victim and I told her exactly what a trouble making, racist kid she has, with his comments to other kids in my DS's friend group and she should be contacting their mums to discuss. Haven't heard from her since.

WhatsApp is toxic within school environments.
There are better ways of keeping in touch with family. When my son lived abroad, we used FaceTime/Skype/Zoom.

Technically it is illegal for children of that age to even have WhatsApp. So shouldn't it be encouraged for kids to organise plans elsewhere?

Christ, same! I had no idea and I'm pretty horrified by this thread!