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Original poster

Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

295 replies

M2BANTRIM · 11/03/2024 22:30

So I am a mum of an 11 year old boy and about a year ago we decided to get him a cellphone so that he can have access to his homework which is usually sent on a school app and we downloaded WhatsApp for him as well . As a backstory we are from a southern African country I do not want to mention living in the UK so WhatsApp allowed him to keep in touch with grandparents and extended family . About a month ago , he told me that he had been added to a group chat and within minutes he was crying hysterically. He showed me his phone only to discover that a meme of a black boy with bulging eyes had been sent on the chat and someone had captioned my son’s name . This sent me into a rage and I managed to contact the boy’s mum who had sent it and she apologised and the son did as well and I just decided not to further escalate it . So my son doesn’t really open his WhatsApp and can go for 3-4 days without been on it and I can check on his 'last seen' . I discovered that he had over 900 messages and I saw he had been added to another group chat and these are kids aged between 10-13 and the chats were horrifying . One girl sent a picture with her mouth wide open and was saying something along the lines of how she is good at oral . The kids were throwing insults at each other including use of the n word , b word , c word it was absolutely vile . But none of these were directed towards my son . I immediately removed my son out of the group , took screenshots and sent them to my phone and deleted everything from my son’s phone and changed his privacy settings that don’t allow him to be added to a group without his permission first . So my question is will I be unreasonable to take the screenshots to the principal and have these kids dealt with ? In another chat one girl told another girl to delete herself because she was a c word ? Should I ignore this or take it up to the principal ? At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged . Please help

OP posts:
cstaff · 14/03/2024 14:14

You would imagine that if any of these messages were being sent in school hours that they would have some control over this. This is their way of copping out I would imagine.

To have this on record, I would email the school and just clarify what was said in your phone conversation and ask them to verify this. This way, if anything happens to any child as a result of this whatsapp group then they will have no comeback, saying that they knew nothing about it etc.

I hope your child is ok.

RecklessGoddess · 14/03/2024 13:44

CrazyLadie · 14/03/2024 09:36

Yup my sons half sister tried to end herseof cause of the same exact behaviour, the school and the other parents need to know what is going on, I would be apoplectic if my son was being bullied in this manner and I found out a parent knew and did nothing

Show quote history

Omg, that's horrendous. I'm glad she obviously didn't succeed, this seems to be a massive problem these days, and far too many youngsters are lost because of it. It's disgusting that the school are not doing more to help crack down on it, there's no point in just going on about "safeguarding" and "Internet safety", when it's not actually being dealt with and it's basically not the Internet, it's a messaging app!

Original poster
M2BANTRIM · 14/03/2024 13:23

Update : So after going back and forth with my husband and reading all of your responses I decided to tell the school about the WhatsApp group chat . So I emailed the principal 2 days ago but there was no response . I called the school yesterday and the receptionist notified me that the Principal was aware of my email and will get back to me as soon as possible. It was only today that he called and basically he said that because the conversations happened outside of the school and with pupils using their own personal devices he has not control over the devices . He mentioned that the Safeguarding lead in the school has been made aware and there will provide pupils with pamphlets on internet safety and will try to arrange this Friday on the school assembly to address this as well . He said he will not do much with the WhatsApp group but only to encourage parents to monitor their children’s internet history and will post the details on the weekly parental mail .
To be honest I felt like I hit the wall as this will not do much and my husband had the ‘I told you so ‘ look on his face but was supportive as the phone was on speaker . As for my son he is okay he was not aware of the second group with 900+ messages. He was aware of the first one with the racist meme and he doesn’t seem to be bothered much . Also I would like to apologise for using the K word to describe myself as I have been labelled a K before . I did not know that I would cause an online war but I now know that is a derogatory name and I have learnt from my mistake . I dont think they will be any more updates on this post . Thank you everyone

OP posts:
Beccaboo0979 · 14/03/2024 12:04

As someone who works in education, I would definitely advise taking this to your school. They can contact the parents and support with safe Internet training for those involved. You can ask for anonymity.

CrazyLadie · 14/03/2024 09:36

RecklessGoddess · 14/03/2024 01:20

You absolutely should go to the headteacher with the screenshots, and I am sickened that anyone has said you're being unreasonable to consider doing that. Shame on those people, because the kinds of messages you have mentioned, are the kind that you see when these poor kids commit suicide. Please ignore those who say you're being unreasonable, and who comment to say anything like that. This really needs to be dealt with, before another young life is sadly lost!

Yup my sons half sister tried to end herseof cause of the same exact behaviour, the school and the other parents need to know what is going on, I would be apoplectic if my son was being bullied in this manner and I found out a parent knew and did nothing

CrazyLadie · 14/03/2024 09:31

Abbimae · 13/03/2024 21:02

Nothing to do with school. Parents need to parent

That's not true at all, my buy asked me for WhatsApp, told him I woudm think about it and next day got email from the school regarding bulking etc going in via WhatsApp. Where I agree parents need to parent, schools also need to know when these things are ongoing

CrazyLadie · 14/03/2024 09:30

lala567 · 11/03/2024 22:40

I wouldn't tell school about the chat but I would about the racism.

What???? And what about all the sexual shit? Wow just wow

IngridPrice · 14/03/2024 09:22

Why not when there’s so many reasons why she should bloody inform the school of the whole situation? Wouldn’t you want to know if you’re daughter was bragging about being able to perform oral sex possibly before she was 13yrs old and be worried how she knew if she was being groomed and who by after all that has been going on? We all expect our children to have some common sense and recognise these issues but they don’t, they are soon drawn in as we’re the Rochdale girls and threatened by the perpetrators, with intimidation! Nobody listened to a word they said till the damage was done 🙄😱😡as per usual! Here they can nip it in the bud! Assuming it is going on!
Racism hate crime that involves telling people to kill them selves and any form of child exploitation especially if it’s sexual should be reported ASAP! To the school and the authorities!

Firethehorse · 14/03/2024 07:16

It is shocking you say one young girl is telling another to kill herself, and another offering oral sex, and you wonder whether to report it, whilst your husband actively tells you not to. The racist meme is awful too and you need to decide whether this matter is yet solved for you or also needs reporting.

This is not a good example you are setting either, one by considering ignoring what you have seen and two by using derogatory, misogynistic terms yourself.

Honestwife · 14/03/2024 04:28

This isn’t the schools problem, as a parents it’s you and your son that have got yourselves in this situation. Firstly, he should’ve have given his number out and secondly don’t get involved and remove from the group.

These children are probably jst doing what adults do when they get together - if you don’t want to get involved don’t read the messages.

Schools have enough problems to deal with,

RecklessGoddess · 14/03/2024 01:20

You absolutely should go to the headteacher with the screenshots, and I am sickened that anyone has said you're being unreasonable to consider doing that. Shame on those people, because the kinds of messages you have mentioned, are the kind that you see when these poor kids commit suicide. Please ignore those who say you're being unreasonable, and who comment to say anything like that. This really needs to be dealt with, before another young life is sadly lost!

OldPerson · 14/03/2024 00:21

I think you should take it to the school. I don't know what policies the school has in place or how effective they may be dealing with social media. But since it's a child welfare issue - and they are a central part of Child Safeguarding - I'd hand over everything you have and leave it to them and go have a cup of tea.

Teenagehorrorbag · 14/03/2024 00:03

I work in a school. Ignore what others have said, definitely report! They can compile evidence that might be meaningless alone but consistent reports can add up.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 13/03/2024 21:52

Your son won't be the only one who's been bullied, so they won't know it's you who's reported it.
This has to be reported OP. Turning a blind eye isn't right. They are kids and need guidance.

Flippingnora100 · 13/03/2024 21:35

I think you did the best possible thing about the racist picture and it sounds like your intervention worked. Well done!

Re: the WhatsApp groups, I don’t think it is the school’s responsibility to police what kids are doing on social media etc, but if you feel strongly, you could just make the head of the school aware - maybe the head needs to have a talk to the kids and send a message to the parents? Ultimately, the school can’t parent these kids though. Teaching is hard enough without the impossibility of moderating the kids’ social media use. That’s on the parents…

Veryconcerned1 · 13/03/2024 21:35

Absolutely not unreasonable. Disable the option in WhatsApp so your child couldn’t be added to any of the groups. I don’t allow my 11 years old to be contacted apart from us (parents) and relatives and later on potentially best friends. You can disable the groups in settings. Follow it up and report to the school so it could be dealt with. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Abbimae · 13/03/2024 21:02

Nothing to do with school. Parents need to parent

bubblesforbreakfast · 13/03/2024 20:53

OP, you should definitely alert the school. However you can't count on them to sort it out. Its your choice - and other parents choice - to allow phones and WhatsApp.
School have a role to play in educating, but they cannot be held responsible for children's behaviour on non-school
Devices on no -school time

CoQ10 · 13/03/2024 20:45

user1492757084 · 12/03/2024 07:32

Yes, report. This is one very good reason why kids should not be on social media.
My beautiful, clever and bubbly niece has a dumb phone and it is the best thing her parents have done.
Some of her friends have had horrific things happen that required reporting to the Police.
You could report to the Police too, Op, though the school will have a policy and know what to do.

Are you able to share what phone she has? I would like my children who are 12 to have a dumb phone but advice is welcome.

Thank you.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/03/2024 20:37

M2BANTRIM · 12/03/2024 08:52

it was a meme of a very extremely dark boy with bulging eyes that was extremely exaggerated with photoshoot and he has a grin on his face making the white teeth just visible and the lips were red more like the jim crow thing and my son’s name was captioned on it . My son and another boy are the only black kids in that class so it’s obvious that it was sent to mock his race and skin colour

Show quote history

@M2BANTRIM yes, it's racist, ffs.
Ignore the gaslighting.

Beago1dfish · 13/03/2024 20:22

NotQuiteNorma · 12/03/2024 08:25

I'm struggling a bit with the picture with your son's name on it? If someone sent my son a picture of a white boy with his name attached, my mind wouldn't jump straight to racism.

NRTFT but I’m struggling to work out if this comment is serious. White people haven’t suffered centuries of racism, bigotry and prejudice so a picture of a white boy with his name on it is a whole different thing to a picture of a black boy with his name on it. How can you not see that?

IngridPrice · 13/03/2024 19:07

Absolutely report it to the school and if you’re not satisfied with the outcome go to social services directly!!
firstly they are responsible for the safeguarding of all students in and outside school and they obviously aren’t aware of this social media platform they need to nip it in the bud before it escalates!
These kids parents need to know what their kids have been uploading and saving online true or false? And they need to get something done about their behaviour before it escalates!!!
Thirdly these reckless girls bragging to be able to perform oral sex so young? You need to question after these grooming scandals are there more? or are they just bragging! Cause heaven forbid you pick wrong it’s on your conscience if it comes out later they where and you could have/ should have/ would have stopped it for years to come!
last but not least speaking as a child who was groomed abused and threatened with alsorts. If there is a word of truth to what theses young girls have said, they are going to need medical attention and counselling don’t deny them that the sooner the better!

CoQ10 · 13/03/2024 19:03

Something that you can do is to download the entire WhatsApp message from start to end along with all shared media files and send it to your email.

I did this in another context (over issues with a builder), but it gave me peace of mind that I had the entire conversation documented if.i needed to take him to court.

Deleting everything destroys what could be evidence.

It's just something to consider.

pollymere · 13/03/2024 18:38

Yes. You need to report it. The school clearly needs to sort out their students and some of the stuff sounds like safeguarding and the police need to be involved.

cremebrulait · 13/03/2024 17:59

seafronty · 12/03/2024 07:06

When you get to high school, please ask your kids Pastoral Care teacher what percentage of their time is wasted dealing with social media squabbles and nonsense, then ponder why the schools are doing the parenting and not the parents. It won't be long before someone comes along to say schools should teach responsible use of SM and whatnot. Hey why not. Add it to the pile.

Cause OP has a directory if all the parents and can reach out and connect. Isnt it a binary question? Do something or not? Ir would you like OP to go straight to https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/online-abuse/# ?

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