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Original poster

Should I report a whatsapp group to my son’s school ?

295 replies

M2BANTRIM · 11/03/2024 22:30

So I am a mum of an 11 year old boy and about a year ago we decided to get him a cellphone so that he can have access to his homework which is usually sent on a school app and we downloaded WhatsApp for him as well . As a backstory we are from a southern African country I do not want to mention living in the UK so WhatsApp allowed him to keep in touch with grandparents and extended family . About a month ago , he told me that he had been added to a group chat and within minutes he was crying hysterically. He showed me his phone only to discover that a meme of a black boy with bulging eyes had been sent on the chat and someone had captioned my son’s name . This sent me into a rage and I managed to contact the boy’s mum who had sent it and she apologised and the son did as well and I just decided not to further escalate it . So my son doesn’t really open his WhatsApp and can go for 3-4 days without been on it and I can check on his 'last seen' . I discovered that he had over 900 messages and I saw he had been added to another group chat and these are kids aged between 10-13 and the chats were horrifying . One girl sent a picture with her mouth wide open and was saying something along the lines of how she is good at oral . The kids were throwing insults at each other including use of the n word , b word , c word it was absolutely vile . But none of these were directed towards my son . I immediately removed my son out of the group , took screenshots and sent them to my phone and deleted everything from my son’s phone and changed his privacy settings that don’t allow him to be added to a group without his permission first . So my question is will I be unreasonable to take the screenshots to the principal and have these kids dealt with ? In another chat one girl told another girl to delete herself because she was a c word ? Should I ignore this or take it up to the principal ? At the end of the day I do not want to be labelled a Karen but at the same time these kids are very unhinged . Please help

OP posts:
shoppingshamed · 12/03/2024 06:33

FastAquaSeal · 12/03/2024 05:20

There's a reason WhatsApp's minimum age is 13.

The reason is to do with US data laws I belieive nothing to do with primary school bullies in the UK, or is that what you meant?

I would also report it to the school, maybe they won't be able to do anything but at least you'd have tried, other parents may also be letting them know

StedeBonnet · 12/03/2024 06:32

HaveringGold · 11/03/2024 23:13

Y5/Y6/Y7 WhatsApp groups are bloody feral. Involve your DS's school but be very clear you want him to be kept out of this. The head will likely have contact with the heads of the other school(s) involved.

Ultimately they can do some awareness in school and advise the parents but there isn't much else they can do, all be it they can deal with any fall out or spill over into school time/school itself.

Sadly too many parents believe in their kids absolute right to have a mobile and access to social media/messaging apps, just wait for the "it's only messing" or outright denial. So in my experience it won't go away. And these groups are like whack a mole, stop one and another pops up!

So assuming they won't disappear you need to help your DS put his own boundaries in place, which it sounds like you were doing already. When he goes back on to an app, add only people he is good friends with, join small groups of friends, and knowing it's ok to walk away from groups or people who are unpleasant. It does calm down in most cases but it's a vile period.

How the hell can year fives have what's app groups! My daughter is year four and none of them have phones yet. And even if they do get them for communicating with their parents at year 5/6 when walking to school etc surely they don't have whats app without any parental control. They shouldn't have unsupervised internet access at what age. It's insane (and I think I'm quite lax about this stuff!)

Abab11 · 12/03/2024 06:32

chillberri · 12/03/2024 06:21

Fair enough but the school will have experience of it plus they can do assemblies on social media use

Show quote history

Absolutely - the school educates about these things. They do not deal with issues that arise out of school due to the lack of supervision over social media.

lala567 · 12/03/2024 06:24

@NowayJoséé

I thought she meant leave the group not kill herself?

chillberri · 12/03/2024 06:21

Abab11 · 12/03/2024 02:48

It is not the school’s place to deal with social media issues that take place out of school.

Fair enough but the school will have experience of it plus they can do assemblies on social media use

chillberri · 12/03/2024 06:20

Tell the school. About all of it. If you have the racist message that too.

P.s. please don't use the term "Karen"

Abab11 · 12/03/2024 06:17

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/03/2024 05:22

It absolutely is within the remit, especially as schools expect children to access work via tech and some schools allow phone use at times as part of in school class work. This is bullying and a safeguarding concern.

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Yes, the school should deal overall with concerns reported by parents, e.g lessons on diversity, tolerance, anti-racism, etc. This should be part of the curriculum. It is not the place of the school to find out who said what over social media and deal with it, racism and other safeguarding concerns outwith school can and should be reported to the police.

Littlemisscapable · 12/03/2024 06:05

Abab11 · 12/03/2024 02:48

It is not the school’s place to deal with social media issues that take place out of school.

This

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/03/2024 05:22

Abab11 · 12/03/2024 02:48

It is not the school’s place to deal with social media issues that take place out of school.

It absolutely is within the remit, especially as schools expect children to access work via tech and some schools allow phone use at times as part of in school class work. This is bullying and a safeguarding concern.

FastAquaSeal · 12/03/2024 05:20

There's a reason WhatsApp's minimum age is 13.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/03/2024 05:20

Your poor ds. I am so surprised at all the messages, both the horrendous racism and the sexual innuendos, just awful. I would always report anything, which is bullying and / or a safeguarding concern and this falls into both.

My dd is 15 and it’s all Snapchat these days. She was on a big WhatsApp group in the last year of primary, ie yr 6, which was all ‘hi’, ‘hi’ and not much more. Then added to a big one for secondary in year 7, which slowly stopped being posted on. I monitored these and nothing awful was ever said on them. Flowers

HaveringGold · 12/03/2024 03:12

It's a bit off track for Op but there's been a combination of technology being more prominent in education, the Covid accelerated shift to online, parental pressure to 'know' what the kids are doing (and online makes this easier/accessible and easier for teachers to link up to their own tracking tools), parents allowing phones for keeping in touch with their kids, and then kids taking advantage and using them socially (and then huge FoMO for parents and kids with no access).

And there you go the perfect sweet spot for tweens and teens being unsupervised online. Oh and of course they see adults being vile to each other on line be it X or MN and assume it's ok!

SqueezedMiddleTummy · 12/03/2024 03:05

SpicyMoth · 12/03/2024 02:46

Yes please report ASAP, that's gross behaviour at 11-13 imo.
On a separate note, am I just obscenely out of touch? Is it the norm for schools/teachers to be assigning homework via apps these days essentially making it a "must" for actual children to have their own smart devices?? That seems genuinely insane to me and I'm shocked at reading that tbh?????

Yes unfortunately it is

Abab11 · 12/03/2024 02:51

I’d say the common denominator is the parents allowing their children on What’s App without any level of supervision - not the school’s fault.

Abab11 · 12/03/2024 02:48

It is not the school’s place to deal with social media issues that take place out of school.

SpicyMoth · 12/03/2024 02:46

Yes please report ASAP, that's gross behaviour at 11-13 imo.
On a separate note, am I just obscenely out of touch? Is it the norm for schools/teachers to be assigning homework via apps these days essentially making it a "must" for actual children to have their own smart devices?? That seems genuinely insane to me and I'm shocked at reading that tbh?????

Wawaweewah · 12/03/2024 02:35

Glitterdash · 12/03/2024 01:29

Um, am I the only dodo parent here who doesn't realise 11yos have their own phones and are on whatsapp?

To be fair, I got my first phone at 11 in 2002, as did most of my friends. It was normal to get one for secondary school. Obviously we didn't have WhatsApp back then, but the concept of kids that young having phones isn't new.

Tryingmybestadhd · 12/03/2024 02:07

You really need to take it in . That’s serious . If there is violence etc consider contacting SS and police too

Fraaahnces · 12/03/2024 02:04

I think if you take this to the school, you’ll be fed a whole lot of tripe about how seriously the school takes this but what can they do? They can’t monitor the entire school’s phone use, blah blah… Keep screenshots and go to the police. Let them deal with the school. They will be forced to acknowledge the systemic problem and take action. These are kids, but they are committing crimes like hate crime forwarded at your poor son, and potentially soliciting also. The kids will be forced to understand the seriousness of their behaviour.
Gross. I’m so sorry you and your son have encountered arseholes like this

BarbaraWoodlouse1 · 12/03/2024 01:53

I think you should, yes. Sorry that happened to your son. So much ignorance. You sound like a responsible and caring parent. Go and lead the way.

Bringtheweatherwithyou · 12/03/2024 01:39

PeachCastle · 12/03/2024 01:22

Read the OP. She never said homework was sent via WA.

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Yes I realised that and referred to it in a further post.
Did you have anything more interesting to add to the conversation other than correcting other posters? Any advice to the OP?

UpsideLeft · 12/03/2024 01:36

OP do not get involved it will end in disaster for your son

UpsideLeft · 12/03/2024 01:35

I mean

You've removed him from the WhatsApp groups

So you've done your part on behalf of your son

Just leave it at that

UpsideLeft · 12/03/2024 01:34

No do not report it

The children will find out it's from you

He will be bullied

You don't want that

You've removed him

You have to leave it at that if you want him to survive at that school

Glitterdash · 12/03/2024 01:29

Um, am I the only dodo parent here who doesn't realise 11yos have their own phones and are on whatsapp?

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