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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have still gone out yesterday?

217 replies

KettleOFish · 11/03/2024 07:40

I had a mother's day meal planned yesterday with my mum and my child.

DH was never going to come, but he didn't seen to mind, probably just happy to get some time to himself.

Until DSC ended up being with us yesterday. Their mum ended up doing some over time on Sunday so they came Sat night (didn't find out until Saturday) and stayed all day yesterday. Which is fine.

However, DH then expected me to want to spend the day with all the kids instead and was pissed off that I still went out with my mum and child and left them at home. I also went back to my mums after the meal for a while instead of going home (probably petty but it annoyed me that he expected me to change my plans).

He thinks I've been unreasonable not to do something that involved all DC on mothers day. I disagree as I already had plans and I just wanted to spend the day with my mum and my own child.

OP posts:
pootlin · 11/03/2024 09:26

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 11/03/2024 08:26

Step 👏 mothers 👏 aren't 👏 free 👏 childcare👏

💯💯💯

SleepEatSnoozeRepeat · 11/03/2024 09:25

On a busy day like Mother’s Day it’s not as simple as just adding 2 more to the booking, or going somewhere else. Everywhere near us was booked up weeks ago. I also think it would be very poor form to ditch your mum or to cancel the booking at the last minute.
Dad agrees to have the child, then dad needs to look after them. Sounds like he wanted you to do all the work here op. YANBU for sticking with your plans.

Didimum · 11/03/2024 09:23

How old is DSC?

pootlin · 11/03/2024 09:23

LookItsMeAgain · 11/03/2024 09:14

Correction - he got a 1-1 day with his son (not step child to the father here, just child/son). He could have done something special with him.

Show quote history

Don’t think that needed a correction, we all knew what the poster meant. Acronyms can get confusing when you have to adapt them for each person.

pootlin · 11/03/2024 09:22

KettleOFish · 11/03/2024 09:14

Tbf that's what he was suggesting, coming with us him and DSC.

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Thereby monopolising Mother’s Day.

What did he organise for you?

pootlin · 11/03/2024 09:20

Calamitousness · 11/03/2024 08:05

As long as you offered them the opportunity to come with then no problem. You are all a family so should be inclusive. If dsc and dh didn’t want to go for lunch then no problem yanbu.

Why does OP have to invite her husband and kids? It’s her Mother’s Day, she wants to celebrate with HER mother and the child SHE is a mother to.

Original poster
KettleOFish · 11/03/2024 09:15

Although we'd have had to go somewhere else as we'd booked a table at the restaurant we went to.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 11/03/2024 09:14

PuttingDownRoots · 11/03/2024 07:52

He got a 1-1 day with his DSC. He could have done something special with them.

Correction - he got a 1-1 day with his son (not step child to the father here, just child/son). He could have done something special with him.

Original poster
KettleOFish · 11/03/2024 09:14

dothehokeycokey · 11/03/2024 09:10

He's being unreasonable.

He should have come to the lunch and brought his dc with him if he wanted them included.

Fucking cheek expecting you to have his dc on mothers day while he sits on his ass at home

Tbf that's what he was suggesting, coming with us him and DSC.

OP posts:
dothehokeycokey · 11/03/2024 09:10

He's being unreasonable.

He should have come to the lunch and brought his dc with him if he wanted them included.

Fucking cheek expecting you to have his dc on mothers day while he sits on his ass at home

AnneElliott · 11/03/2024 08:58

Your H is BU. They are his kids and you already had plans. He could have done a number of things with his own kids. Sounds like he wanted help looking after them.

iamwhatiam23 · 11/03/2024 08:53

You did nothing wrong! Why should you change your plans to accommodate DH last minute changes?

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 11/03/2024 08:52

OohBettySpencer · 11/03/2024 07:49

And yet, if you were reporting that dsc did nothing for you for mother's day posters would tell you that you're not their mother and therefore shouldn't be expecting anything.
Seems.like a situation you just can't win.
Yanbu.

Exactly bloody this!!

It’s not the OPs job to make step DC welcome and she had plans already. I know most MN thinks the entire universe revolves around step kids , but news flash. It doesn’t.

you were 100% right to continue your day OP and I hope it wasn’t spoilt but anyone’s selfish expectations.

meegsmalone · 11/03/2024 08:49

VestibuleVirgin · 11/03/2024 07:45

I can see your point, but think of the kids; they don't get to spend Mother's day with their mum, then their step-mum whisks off their step-sibling for a lovely lunch.
So yes, yabvu. I mean, it's hardly fostering blended family relationships is it?

Shouldn't the husband have went and looked after his children then? It's mother's day, so OP should have been allowed to chill.

VestibuleVirgin · 11/03/2024 08:31

It was Mother's day. Their mum had to work. They may well have wanted to spend time with step-mother
But op didn't want that

chillberri · 11/03/2024 08:28

What did dad do instead? Did he mope about the house with her or did he take her out?

chillberri · 11/03/2024 08:27

lovedANDappreciated · 11/03/2024 08:06

Oh come on! Kids don't care about Mothers' Day and they don't care about having lunches in restaurants.

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Expecially step kids being forced to celebrate mothers day with their step mum

Original poster
KettleOFish · 11/03/2024 08:27

Would they even have wanted to spend the day with you or your mum?

They do really like my parents so possibly but I know my mum was looking forward to it being us as well.

OP posts:
chillberri · 11/03/2024 08:26

You're absolutely fine. It's not your fault the kids mum couldn't be arsed with her. It would have been weirder for her to go and celebrate mother's day with you

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 11/03/2024 08:26

Step 👏 mothers 👏 aren't 👏 free 👏 childcare👏

Original poster
KettleOFish · 11/03/2024 08:25

Calamitousness · 11/03/2024 08:05

As long as you offered them the opportunity to come with then no problem. You are all a family so should be inclusive. If dsc and dh didn’t want to go for lunch then no problem yanbu.

No I didn't that's his point and yes he was wanting to come too.

I'd already booked a table for me and my mum and child. Tbf I probably could have come straight home after but I didn't want to and it had abboyed me that he'd made a fuss and because I'm supposed to just lump it whenever his ex clicks her fingers at the last moment.

OP posts:
Pickled21 · 11/03/2024 08:19

Totally depends on your boundaries as a step parent. If dsc mother wants to do overtime then it's up to the dad to pick up the slack not you. Would they even have wanted to spend the day with you or your mum? Sounds like your dh was just grumpy because his childfree day got messed up, well tough because ultimately dsc is his kid not yours.

Twokittycats · 11/03/2024 08:17

YANBU why should you have to change your Mother’s Day plans with your mom and child, for the sake of DH and his kids. It’s not your problem if their mum changed plans and didn’t spend the day with them. It’s up to their dad to step up and spend time with them

bloodyeffinnora · 11/03/2024 08:14

YANBU

TinyYellow · 11/03/2024 08:10

Would you have welcomed the children with you if he’d come with you?

I agree it would have been nicer to spend the day all together, but that would have meant your DH and step children joining you, not you ditching your Mum.

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