To have still gone out yesterday?

It was supposed to be a treat for the OP’s mum. She was probably looking forward to some time with her child and her grandchild. Why should everyone have to compromise? The DSC have come to see their dad. He can take them out to do something nice and everyone would be happy. As a pp said, why would the DSC want to squeeze round a table for lunch with someone else’s gran? Surely they’d far rather do something they want with their dad?

Crazy isn't it?
Disappointed both their own mother and their own child by cancelling a planned treat because, apparently, children's feelings are more important.
Just not your own child's feelings about the sudden cancellation of a nice treat with their mum and grandma.

Depends how old the children are? Seems like your own child got to go out for a meal and back to Grans but the other child was left out. That's very very mean.
I treat my Step Grandkids all the same
Just sure nastiness.. to teach your husband a lesson.. not considering the kids at all.

OPs updates suggested he did all of a sudden want then all to do something together.

But she would have had to cancel the original plans as her table size couldn't be increased and it's nigh impossible to get a nice booking at the last minute on MD. Everywhere decent gets booked up in Feb. I couldn't even get a last minute table at a Hungry Horse yesterday until 19.45. So it would have meant either changing plans significantly for OP and her Mum or cancelling altogther and that's not on. She should be allowed to spoil her own Mum on MD.

There’s no way they’d have been able to double the booking size anyway on Mothering Sunday.

Ok well whichever way you want to look at it that's not what I meant at all. What I meant by the comment you've highlighted is that if it was OP and her Mum and he was trying to get her to stay in, 100% of the comments on here would have said as if! Because it's easier to say that when there's no kids involved. However, with kids involved it's not 100% of people, it's just most people. My comment literally meant exactly what it said, not any other meaning at all. Absolutely no way should OP have done mothers day without her child.

He can look after his own kids, surely?! Lazy twat.

I would have expected DH to have come along if he wanted his children involved but it sounds as though he wanted you to provide childcare whilst he did what he wanted to do.

if he had said “can we all come” then yes maybe You’d be unreasonable to say no (but even in that case i personally think it’s okay, after all their mum chose to take the overtime)

but DH suggesting all the kids go whilst he puts his feet up on mother day? NO NO NO

YANBU. You already had plans and DH had the opportunity for a 1:1 day with his child. No issue there at all in my opinion.

YANBU. He agreed to the change in plans for DSC which is his responsibility. Also - you'd not have been able to increase your booking on such a busy day anyway, so whether he would have wanted to come along with DSC to your meal is pretty irrelevant. Expecting you to cancel your plans instead would have obviously been unreasonable.

He just didnt want to look after his own children alone.
They have a Mother. You are not it.

You have a Mother & Dc. Its your Mother's day, Enjoy your day

This would have been an issue if the dad was going too, but he wasn’t.

It’s the dad’s job to do something equally fun with his dc.

Like the thread about the dad wanting to go on holiday without his 4yo son, it’s a dad using his wife to give his sole dc family experiences without considering how it impacts his wife, their child and his wife’s mother.

You may not have meant it, but the implications of this sentence read differently to many of us...

Absolutely no way should your plans have changed, but I think that would be much easier to say if it was just you and your Mum without your DC.

Hints that OP should have made Mother's Day plans without her child. People will take issue with that, even if what you wrote isn't what you meant.

DP would have seen it as an opportunity to spend the day with his dc, and would have started planning their day.

In our family we prioritise time spent with our own dc as well as collectively with our joint dc. I don't understand why it's so important to some people that you're all joined at the hip at all times and yet in families without step dc it would be fine for the parents to spend time with their dc separately.

So the impression I get is that he didn't care what you did on mother's day, when it meant he got a day to himself. But as soon as it meant him having to solo parent his own child, all of a sudden he wanted to be included in your plans

That is literally not what I implied:

But his kids should quite easily have understood that you already had plans and it was their plans that changed last minute.

What I mean by the rest of what I said is that's where I think it becomes a little more of a grey area, because his kids see you child going off for a meal when they didn't. Not that your child should have stayed at home at all, that's not what I said.

There's too much information missing. What ages are the children? How close are you all? How much time do you all spend together?

"Why should I spend mother's day without my child?"

Exactly! Women are seemingly not allowed to have anything for themselves - not you, not your mum, not even Mother's Day without some cheeky fucker trying to co opt it

Exactly!

Yanbu, it was mothers day and you went and spent time with your mum who you made plans with.

I don’t understand his point or that of those criticising you.

The point of contact time is to spend time with their dad - they got time with just him rather than with their little sibling hanging around. Sounds like it should have been a good thing!

If he can’t be bothered to look after his children that’s his problem.

Also presumably their Mum’s over time wasn’t mandatory?

I get where you're coming from, but actually I wouldn't always do this. Children need to learn at some point that they can't be invited to everything going, and conversely that it's ok not always to invite everyone to everything they do as they get older. They need to know that mummy and daddy will want some time just to themselves, for example.

Not every event has to involve the entire family, and I would guess they are old enough to understand that plans can't always change to accommodate them, especially at short notice.

It depends how it's handled. If it's framed as "mean old OP doesn't want you to go" then yeah, that's bad. But if OP explains that she wanted some time with her mother just them and it's important to spend time one on one with your parents (hint hint DH), then that's another thing entirely.

This is ridiculous. Why didn’t their own mum care enough to spend Mother’s Day with them?

Yanbu, I wouldn't have cancelled or invited them along in that situation either. You already had plans with your own mum and had booked a table, DH could have taken their child out for the day and done something fun but I'm assuming they didn't do that?
Sounds like he just wanted to make his own life easier and tag along with you so he didn't have to spend a day parenting by himself.