To have still gone out yesterday?

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 @AnneLovesGilbert

Absolutely this. Nuts.

You haven't answered my questions at all.

You've made a whole lot of stuff up.

OP hasn't said it was one daughter. In fact a subsequent post suggests theres more than one DSC (she refers to his kids not kid). She says she wouldn't have been able to go to the original place, you've made up that she didn't bother to ring,
you don't actually know that.

You seem to be massively projecting about your own mother when you don't actually know what kind of step mother OP
is at all. Your imagination is running wild.

I agree adults should be accountable for their actions but OP did the right thing going ahead with taking her Mum out as planned.

The ex wife and husband need to be more accountable.

The OP shouldn't be expected to be a martyr and let her own Mum down when the child/ren have two parents who could and should have done better.

I have answered all of your questions in my previous post apart from two and here is my answer to them. Adults need to be accountable for their own actions rather than blame others. The OP needs to look at her motivation rather than deflect onto her husband. I don't think that is sticking the knife in.

I am not a step child, but my mother was and sadly for her she had the wicked step mother of the fairy tales. It is important that type of step mother remains a creature of fiction and not a Mother's Day reality in 2024 Britain.

Although we'd have had to go somewhere else as we'd booked a table at the restaurant we went to.

There wasn't an option to join.

She would have had to cancel and find somewhere else at last minute and risk the chance of having to let her Mum down altogether. That's a big and IMO unreasonable ask when DH could have just entertained his own kids.

I was in that exact situation yesterday after losing our original booking due to the car getting stuck in a ditch and needing roadside assistance. I couldn't get in anywhere in 4 separate towns in a 15 mile radius. We ended up in McDonalds in the end which was pretty shit for our Mums who we'd wanted to spoil.

It’s a no win situation but ultimately pre arranged wins you couldn’t let your mum down

You had plans already made for the day and should not be expected to change them because a third party has changed her arrangements. Surely your husband can entertain his own child for one day?

I see, so you think if the DH is selfish that allows the OP to be selfish with impunity.

As a wise person once said it is easy to justify being selfish.

For what's its worth. I don't think DH was being selfish.

This is just utterly bizarre.

Firstly you're fabricating.

There's no mention of the gender of the child, nor is there any suggestion it was just one step child. The OP uses they and their. You're making up that it's a daughter.

Also "cold disdain"?!

Because she chose to go ahead with her plan with her Mum. Why should her Mum suffer?

Why are you so keen to stick the knife into OP when her husband could have done something lovely with his own kids?

Were you a bitter step daughter who felt the whole world had to revolve around you or something?

Does selfishness only work one way?

Crazy post.

@dothehokeycokey

RTFT.

That is what he wanted to do. OP wouldn’t allow them to join.

@KettleOFish

YWNBU. DH was.

He was asked if he could have his children yesterday while their Mum did some overtime. It was up to him whether to say yes or no. He said yes, he knew you had plans (that he was happy not to be a part of).

as another poster said all he had to do was say to his children that YOU had plans to spend Mothers Day with your Mum, so what did they fancy doing for the day. No need to mention your child unless they asked. Then IF ASKED he could have said your child went to spend the day with their gran.

Jesus, how do you get old enough to have 2 sets of children & not learn to be tactful?

He chose not to be a part of the day with your Mum, you didn't need to rush home after lunch!!!

That being said, it would depend on my relationship with his children how inclined I felt to change plans!

@Notpossibly

the child’s father is being selfish, rather than op.

I imagine you would have received hate mn mail if you had overstepped and taken someone else's dc to celebrate mother's day with...

I think you are trying too hard to justify selfishness.
It is not acceptable to treat a step daughter with cold disdain just because her father will treat her with love.
Certain responsibilities are non-delegable.

It was downright mean not to ring the restaurant to see if they could accommodate 2 more. I imagine they wouldn't have been able to, but at least the effort would have been made. And father and daughter could have been left to enjoy their day together knowing they were not unwanted.

The idea that the forthright OP only gets her own way one day a year is a bit of a stretch.

Woman bins off Mother’s Day with her kids.
Man refuses to spend Mother’s Day with his wife and kid.
Man changes plans to have DSC and can’t be arsed to actually spend time with them.

And it’s the step mum, who had existing plans with her own mum and child, who people think is to blame.

You couldn’t fucking make it up.

“Won’t someone just think of the chiiiildren (except their own parents…)”

Ywnu to go out with your mum and child to something prearranged. Ywu to not go home and spend time with your sc and child afterwards. You could have bought your mum back to yours and spent the afternoon together. It was childish and not in the best interests of either child.

@CwmYoy

what?

she got the opportunity to do some overtime, so she asked her child's other parent if they were able to have their child.

(he could have said 'sorry no' he had plans, he didn't. If he had she could have asked someone else or not done the overtime.

What's wrong with asking their other parent first?

she didn't leave her kids on his doirstep cold & hungry.

@Notpossibly

but the child’s father could have made them feel loved and welcomed surely? Why was it all on Op? On Mother’s Day especially which is ONE day of the year when what she wants should take precedence.

You had a perfect excuse, you had already booked a table. If that wasn't the case then it would be more difficult. Sorry dss mum so financially struggling had to work on mother's day. Did she do something with dss when he got back to her?

@Moier

oh and what about op’s mum who was presumably looking forward to a trip out too?

maybe op should have had everyone round to her house and cooked for everyone and then drove them all home?

The reason you had to change what you were doing is because there was a child who needed to be loved and welcomed.

That's not some reason. It is the most important reason there is.

Of course you were unreasonable. It is unreasonable to be petty. It was unreasonable to be annoyed. You don't have the guts to blame the mother but you are prepared to hurt the daughter.

@Moier

what if there were no extra space at the restaurant? should they all have just stayed home do you think?

THIS!!

sums it up perfectly

Oh, wise up. She didn't do it to teach her husband a lesson she stuck to her plans that were clearly made in advance.

Their actual parents are the ones who didn't consider their kids. Why are you not commenting on how 'mean' it was of the mother to chose work over her kids on mothers day?
The onus was on the DH to arranged something fun for the kids. He could have easily done something with the kids, he didn't need to keep them at home as they watched OP and child go out. If he had have said we are going to get McDonalds and go bowling/cinema/ice skating whatever they definitely wouldn't have felt hard done by.

@Moier not everything has to be about the preferences of children, either one's own or other peoples's.
These kids aren't being treated badly, they just weren't included in the IP's pre existing plans. They were with their dad and perfectly fine.

Adults are allowed to do things just for themselves sometimes!