To have still gone out yesterday?

The dad wanted to go too, he wasn't just asking her to take the kids.

So it's not that really you went out, it's that he wanted to join you and bring his kids but you said no?

You said he doesn't normally make you parent his kids so that doesn't seem to be what was going on here so I can see why he would be annoyed or upset if he asked could he/they join you for the meal and you said no 😅

Did the kids want to go or were they not aware that the dad had asked?

I’m going to say YABU because you’ve avoided all of the questions about the DSC age(s), whether they wanted to go or how they felt about not going. So I think something in all that makes you unreasonable for not even trying to include the whole family in lunch. I think at the very least you had no empathy for how they might have felt about the situation. Your own DC might have wanted their sibling(s) to join them for lunch. I think you sent a very clear signal that you do not consider the stepchild(ren) part of your family.

Not tricky at all. Surely his DC would welcome a whole day 1:1 with their father, especially if he planned to do something that wouldn't work so well with the blended family

Wait, unless he is a bit pants as a father and relies on their DSM to make life enjoyable for them. Sigh.

So when it was just your joint kids, he was fine with you going off to spend Mother’s Day without him (was this your preference or did he not really want to come initially?), but when your DSC were there, he thought you should cancel a booked restaurant at the last minute which may have been hard for them to fill, and mess your mum around so he and his kids could have no effort instant entertainment too?

Why didn’t he just take his kids out to do something special 1:1? Why the instance on crashing your meal? Does he ever take them out 1:1?

It reads like she would have been fine with it if she didn't already have plans?

I'm sure their dad did something fun with them.

I'm very pro the stepkids usually but why should you change your plans? He could do something fun with his kids he doesn't need u to facilitate that. And it's your Mother's Day! Surely you should do whatever you want to do. I'd be pretty annoyed about this

And people wonder why women are still bottom of the heap, the OP should change her plans at the last minute to avoid upsetting a man who agreed to have his own child after her own plans were made.

Absolutely not, the OPs wants, needs and feelings are just as valid as anyone else's, why should women bend over backwards all the time to accommodate men?

The DH wasn't going to the lunch, (he only wanted to go rather than parent his own child alone) he's available to spend quality time with his own child, what's the problem? Why is any of it the OPs problem. The step child won't care in the slightest, that's just another argument for putting the OP in her place, in deference to a man.

I get on well with my son's step-mother, and NO WAY would I have ever expected her to take him to a meal with her mother and his step brother when his dad was at home!!! WTAF!!!

To be fair to my ex-H, there's no way he'd have been trying to fob his child off when he could spend time with him.

Some crazy expectations of step-mothers here - as well as the usual low bar for the father.

If it’s only an invented holiday then what’s wrong with DSC doing an activity with just their dad? It’s not like DH is going with OP and leaving DSC with a babysitter and excluding them from a family meal out.

@sleepyscientist

youre right. I mean there’s always McDonald’s isn’t there?

Pmsl at "cold disdain" @Notpossibly you should consider a career in fiction writing!

I don't see why OP and her mum have to rearrange their lives when it's seemingly okay for the step dc's actual mum to do something other than be with her own kids on Mother's Day!

And they were with their dad, not sent out to sweep chimneys! It's not OO's fault that he cba to look after his own children!

It’s crazy that people want the actual two MUMS (OP and her mum) to be inconvenienced on Mother’s Day to make things easier for DH and his dc.

Parents need to be accountable for their kids.

The mum decided to do overtime.

The dad wanted to have the kids but not entertain them himself.

So where’s your accountability for the actual parents instead of making the step-mum the villain?

At short notice, and on mother's day. No not unreasonable.

You are underestimating teenagers. I think the majority of teenagers would have the emotional maturity to understand the situation. If I was a teen even a preteen and had the option of having lunch with my stepmum and her mum then hanging out at step grandma's house or say going for a pizza and the cinema, I know what I would chose. Would actually have made the same choice if it was my actual mum and gran.

Nowhere does OP suggest the SC were even upset. It says DH was annoyed presumably because he has to actually parent his own kids. Also nowhere does it say that the kids are even teens. Ironic that you are complaining about 'invented holidays' when you are inventing issues and details about OP's post.

Well 1 parent wanted to work and the other didn't want to be left in charge of his own child, yet the OP is the "selfish" one? Why is it that SM's are always held to a higher standard than the child's own fucking parents in some people's eye's. Step parent's aren't there to manage the ACTUAL parents failings.

The lucky kids got to spend the whole day with their dad, though! I'm sure he pulled the stops out to give them a good time.

There is no way I would have altered my plans last minute, you did the right thing OP

@Picklestop

why should she?

he didn't want to go before he had his children for the day!!

op was looking forward to a lunch out with her mum & dc, just the three of them. DH just wanted to join them when he agreed with his EX to have the children for the day, but convenient that isn't it.

It's YOUR day, and your mother's day. You get to choose.

When Father's Day comes around, he can choose what he wants to do.

People differ in opinion to you @sleepyscientist

You could say birthdays are a made up invention too.

Some of us prefer to make more of an effort for our mothers. As I've said upthread...

There wasn't an option to join.

She would have had to cancel and find somewhere else at last minute and risk the chance of having to let her Mum down altogether. That's a big and IMO unreasonable ask when DH could have just entertained his own kids.

I was in that exact situation yesterday after losing our original booking due to the car getting stuck in a ditch and needing roadside assistance. I couldn't get in anywhere in 4 separate towns in a 15 mile radius. We ended up in McDonalds in the end which was pretty shit for our Mums who we'd wanted to spoil.

It might surprise you but we don't all have a walk in Italian locally. I couldn't even get a walk in in a dump of a Hungry Horse.

It's not up to you to dictate how other people spend their special occassions. Some people will prioritise making their own parent feel special on a day dedicated to them over stepchildren whose biological parents could easily have done something else with them. Shocker.

@All2Well it's only a invented holiday your making it out like it's a significant birthday for her mam not a meal out. Literally I would have quickly rang round the chain restaurants for a table for all of us and if not ordered a take away or cooked a meal plus drink at ours. That's before you consider the walk in and wait places like the best Italian local to us.

Yes I would put the kids before my mums restaurant choice and she would understand as she an adult. A teenage DSC left by their own mam isn't going to understand that.

@Notpossibly

why couldn’t OP’s husband I.e the child’s father have a nice day today spending quality time together whilst op went for her lunch as planned? You haven’t answered that

Exactly.
The dh didn't care about the meal until he ended up with his own dc to care for.

Seriously women marrying men with kids already should have a prenup that's says

I am not an unpaid, last minute nanny to your existing dc.
I will spend time with my dc and family that doesn't include dsc.
Your dc are all equal in your eyes but not mine.