Can I actually afford it?

@Lelophants take it with a pinch of salt when people say they cost more, yes teens can be expensive but it is largely discretionary, people spend what they can and want to, childcare is never discretionary. The kinds of things my pre/teens cost me are more expensive holidays, branded clothes, school trips, the clubs they do, it still doesn't touch the sides of the £1000 per child per month cost of childcare, and if it did, I could choose to reduce it, unlike childcare. That's why we keep saying it depends on the lifestyle the OP wants, there is no doubt the OP's income is enough to clothe and feed a 3rd child (and a lot more!)

Out of curiosity, what are these costs? I have two and don’t find it an issue, currently surviving on one income. They’re both pre school age though. The second one is using all the first ones hand me downs (from clothes to cot, car seat , everything!) we got lots of generous gifts from grandparents - very lucky! Which means more than enough toys. We’ve had to reduce holidays because obviously they cost! So we used to travel a lot and now we don’t really. But what else do you start paying for after ks2? They’re in school most of the year.

I also feel poor on mumsnet!! I earn 40k and feel like it’s peanuts compared to where I should be, I totally understand what OP means by feeling poor in comparison.
I’m clearly not in poverty, but it’s crazy how my reality is so far apart from a hell of a lot of posters on here!

Only you can figure it out. We have decided against a third due to financial and practical reasons. If I wanted to I could afford it but i don’t want to take the time and financial opportunities away from the two children I have.

I think you can more than afford a third, especially if you do keep climbing the ladder.
Ultimately it’s down to - do you want a third? You can clearly provide for them, you have space for them (a bedroom/car) and you seem financially savvy. If you want a third, go for it. I’d not change having three for the world 😊

(Grew up an only child and knew I wanted at least 3. Income circa 95k for both so not massive but comfortable, we all have different priorities in life and wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same?!)

How can you feel poor? A little bit nuts and tone deaf considering some of the posts on MN.

I mean you have a very good income and nice lifestyle. You can definitely afford it. The question is, do you want to? Do you want to cut down on all those lovely leisure activities?

@Mycatmyworld

🤣🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Four yrs is nicely tucked away pulling 5% atm.

@Thisisembarassing it wasn't a criticism that you have an answer for everything, I think it shows which way you're naturally swaying too, it's why we post on forums, to challenge our thought process.

It ultimately comes down to what kind of lifestyle you want, and how hands on you want to be, there is no right or wrong answer. You have enough income for this to be a choice, which is why you're struggling most likely, but it's weighing up what it is you want for you, your DH and your kids, ultimately a 3rd will be a sacrifice because what you'll spend on a 3rd could be spent on something else, but it's also an addition, so which is worth more to you. There's a reason MN is awash with "shall we have a 3rd" threads!

My three have cost more in time, emotion and money as they have got older. I almost wish for the days when £100 at nursery per day covered them all day and included all their meals.

Im not sure how old your children are but the costs for us went up and just kept climbing from KS2.

We're financially in roughly the same position. Our income is slightly lower than yours, but our mortgage is 500 pounds cheaper than yours.

We've just had our 3rd child.

I think you'll be fine, but I agree with a previous poster: Don't base your decision on future earning potential, that's not a given.

You have to be willing to accept that you will have less money with 3 kids than with 2 and you have to be fine with it.

If six months is good, thank goodness I could go for 4 yrs.

Yes, by a country mile.

Financially I dare say that you could make it work.

But I would ask yourself how thin you want to stretch yourself in other ways whilst both trying to push up the corporate ladder. For example 3 kids is 1.5 times the amount of days off school/nursery with illnesses - that could be a lot unless you have significant family support. 3 sets of parent evenings, birthday parties to attend, plays and shows. 3 sets of homework to oversee and supporting the 11+ (dont underestimate how tough this can be). Compromising on who can do what activity - hard for everyone to play the same sport for example when you then have 3 different matches in a Sunday morning but only 2 of you to take them. is that all doable, yes with compromises. But it’s also tougher than 2.

You do have a good income so perhaps look at other reasons. What if your child had SEN could you still return to work? What if you ended up with twins?. You sound like you have a nice life... only you know OP how much you want baby no3. I think one thing to add is that I find kids around aged 8 expensive they eat full on meals (adult) well my DS does when we dine out, they want all the fastest things Ipad, nintendo switch. Clothes are more expensive for older DC too.

I heard an emergency fund of 3-9 months of necessary outgoings mentioned on a Meaningful Money podcast today. But it does depend on your exact situation and risk tolerance - I'm very risk averse, so I like to have 12 months of outgoings in my emergency fund.

@Thisisembarassing I definitely relate to the being motivated by kids argument, having kids young certainly put a fire under us and is why we are where we are, but equally, I knew our limitations.

I think you're being a tad naive repeatedly comparing parenting from your parents' time to ours, it's a different era. Is that really the kind of parent you want to be? I know I want the best for my kids, I want more for them than I had.

Ultimately, it sounds like you're emotionally invested in a 3rd and have made your mind up, you have an answer for everything (though I don't agree with your answers, from my own experience) and that's fine, but I think you need to consider realistically what that means for you and your kids, and not try to pretend that our arguments don't relate to you, because otherwise you won't actually be able to rationally consider the potential problems.

For me, 2+ is weighing up what is in the best interests of the children that already exist, and I've never been able to satisfy that a 3rd is more beneficial to the children than the time and resource parents of just 2 children can give. But plenty of people disagree with that, it's just being honest with yourself about your motivations and resolutions.

Six months is to be fair not a very high emergency fund in today’s climate

I also think your current income would make things fairly tight having 3 DC.

Maybe make an annual budget for the whole year including absolutely everything, and see where you'd be in your current scenario, and with +1 DC.