Can I actually afford it?

This is a very important consideration. Kids cost a lot more when they turn 18 and thereafter.

Off the top of my head for my eldest: activities and competition travel and entry fees (competes to a high level in netball, gymnastics and swimming). School trips (overnight and travel costs), tutoring, iPad (a school requirement), pocket money, shoes (including for school, sports, leisure etc), clothes and make up etc. Other things like mobile phone and fun activities with friends (cinema trips or going to coffee shops) etc.

My middle child costs a fortune due to her love of horses but she is autistic and it’s more than a hobby. She also costs a lot with sensory occupation therapy, SALT, ed psych, play therapy etc. Then there are some of the other costs incurred by my eldest to take into account for her.

Youngest comparatively doesn’t cost as much but is only in KS1. Very keen on tennis and music though which is starting to add up.

Then there is the emotional time and also time spent helping with home work and just chatting about their days. I had to stop working full time a long time again because of my middle child who is autistic and couldn’t attend any wraparound or holiday care. Financially that was a big and unexpected hit as it drastically decreased our income, although I accept we would have had three lots of wraparound and holiday costs to add in if I was working full time.

2k does not go far for 5 people!

What I’m trying to get across is that we pay out loads for clubs. When you have 3 kids the downside is that if you want them to do extracurriculars you may not be able to also afford two cars, cars that are not old bangers, new clothes, eating out etc etc. That’s fine for us and we have a great life but the OP is clearly spending a fortune on holidays so it’s something to consider.

I would have a look for an imaginary holiday for 3 school aged children for half terms children for next year. Look carefully to make sure you’re split over 2 rooms. The holiday you booked is very cheap.

My friend is paying £2k this August for 3 children for a week in haven and that’s before the cost of food and activities.

I’m not saying my approach is correct, but when I was planning how many children to have I thought long and hard how many I can handle on my own? Partner and support aren’t guaranteed forever or for as long as I wish, so for me was important to understand how far am I willing/ is realistic for me to stretch kids-wise.

Loving the " we have a low key lifestyle" and then mentioning £2k in holidays and half a grand a month in musical tuition. 😂

I think it's reasonable. A lot of people WFH, and need proper set-ups to be able to do that.

Why does it sound obnoxious 😄?

Our income is just over half of yours and I'm pregnant with #3! Of course we don't have a lot of things you listed such as holidays or a large mortgage/4 bed house, or a 7 seater car etc, so our outgoings are comparatively a lot less. But I'm confident we can make it work although we may need to tighten our belts a little further as the kids get older if we don't manage more career progression/pay rises. But hopefully we will and it will just balance out.

Of course you do and this space wise even though we’ve enough bedrooms we might struggle but could make it work makes no sense.

You can afford it. It sounds like you’re a logical person with your head screwed on. Do it if you want to.

I would if I were you….but I wouldn’t if it were me in that situation. But that is for other (environmental, state of the world etc) reasons.

We have three and the same income as you. We don’t feel stretched, but we have a very low-key lifestyle. We spend very little on cars, clothes, going out. We spend no more than 2k a year on holidays. The thing we do spend money on is extracurriculars, which really do add up with three. I am currently spending about £400 a month just on clubs/tuition/music lessons. School uniform, bus passes and sports equipment are also a big outlay.

It's already been mentioned but teenagers are very expensive - laptops, trainers, uniform, school meals, clothes, phones, driving lessons, activities, school trips all add up. Not to mention university costs.

But it's worth considering the time needed to juggle 3x DC with different activities. Even if you limit extra-curricular stuff you potentially find yourself and DH trying to be in 3x places at once.

I have friend with 3x DC and they are frequently taking one to a football tournament at one end of the town while the other tries to get to dancing competitions and theatre lessons. Rugby is at a different time to football and even though two play football, the age gap means that they are never home or away at the same place at the same time. Add in birthday parties for friends, the odd school event, play dates, swimming lessons and music/choir practice for one who is particularly talented and it takes some major juggling.

Easy to say that you won't let them do too much but lots of this is fairly normal stuff that their friends do and where they build friendships and their social groups.

I mean it is rolling the dice each time you have a child isn’t it really (i know it’s not you who mentioned this but I’m just commenting here)

It is, but the difference when you're having additional children is the impact it has on the pre existing children, and the more children you have, the higher the challenge faced with additional needs. I think we all go for the first and even the second baby without thinking about that very much, but I know when I was weighing up the 3rd I thought a lot more about the impact of a child with additional needs, I suppose because I had "gotten lucky" previously, but the stakes were now higher due to having children to already think about, and the gain was (for me) lower. I appreciate not everyone is as risk averse as that, but that was one of the big differences for me when thinking about the third. Plus I was getting older which added more risk in that area.

I think you also have to factor in that there's a possibility of becoming a single parent in the future due to relationship breakdown or death of a spouse.

Obviously we all hope for the best, but my own mother became a single parent of 4 children at 36 due to divorce.

One of our friends died in her thirties of breast cancer. Her husband is now a single parent to their 3 children.

My cousin is also a single father to his 3 children.

I'm aware that I took a risk having a 3rd child. I close my eyes, hope for the best hehe. :D

It sounds like you've thought a lot through, OP, and head versus heart is sooo hard when you feel the pull.

You'll manage your money in whatever way necessary. Holidays etc tend to scale back anyway once children are at primary and second school.

You'll make the finances work, I'm sure.

The only other thing I would say to consider is the uncertainty of your third child. It sounds like your current two are healthy and the circumstances enable both you and your DH to have fulfilling careers.

That is not always the case. We were told there was a very small chance of a condition I had worsening with a third which could impact the child's health, it was a tiny chance but we decided to focus on the good fortune we'd already head.

it's worth considering how you would cope if a further child had additional needs.

I think a lot of it is your attitude to saving. Our take home is 9.5k/month with bonus that’s around 30-40% but we’d find 3 a stretch with what we want to save and put into pensions. Others on our income or yours, would think 3 kids is completely fine.

My 2 children are toddlers and the third one is a baby, so not at the teenager state yet, but I assume: refusal to wear hand me downs from older siblings, expensive hobbies, larger food bill, pocket money, money for trips ect.

Depending on how old you are partly but you need to consider your pensions too. University isn't cheap so saving more per child is pretty essential too.

Also remember children can get sick, a third child could have disabilities, 3rd could be twins or triplets that happened the next town along! You could get sick ... you get my drift things happen don't assume everything will stay the same.

I was heavily pregnant with number 2 when dc1 was diagnosed with autism aged 2 - things happen as I said