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Original poster

To think son could have got me a Mother's Day card

36 replies

mumof4sweethearts · 10/03/2024 16:32

Ds is 22 lives at home with 3 other siblings who all bought me flowers chocolate a nice meal and I won't lie I've been utterly spoiled.
Ds didn't bother again just said at 4pm oh yeah happy Mother's Day I couldn't get you anything because it's a Sunday.
He never actually bothers for anyone's birthday in the family.
Dh says we should stop bothering for his bday,
I'm starting to think he's right.

OP posts:
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Nanny0gg · 04/06/2024 14:24

mumof4sweethearts · 10/03/2024 16:46

To be honest I wasn't expecting anything for one minute as I've never received a Mother's Day card or gift in from him.
I said don't worry after his excuse about it being Sunday and he said, well I wasn't worrying.
I just find it a bit rude that he can shrug it off as if we know what he's like but then go out and buy nice things to make him feel special for his birthday.
I think if we ignored his special day he'd be rather miffed.

Then let him feel miffed

He's not a child.

Is he thoughtless in other ways?

YourMommaWasASnowblower · 04/06/2024 14:09

I think for his next birthday I would pretend I hadn’t bothered. Allow him to feel what it feels like, then at the end of the day give him his birthday card and present. Chat to him seriously the next day about how hurtful it feels to really have events ignored. If he went forwards continuing to not bother for other people birthdays etc, then he really wouldn’t get anything for the next birthday apart from maybe a card.

Lighteningkip · 04/06/2024 14:08

I wouldn't be a dick to my own kid by unexpectedly ignoring his birthday. I would ask him if he values birthdays and Christmas or would he like to opt out which means you don't buy him a present either. If he wants in then I'd make it clear he needs to reciprocate.

Despair1 · 04/06/2024 13:59

You should continue to buy him birthday cards and presents, you can't treat him differently to others. Your son has every right not to send cards etc for his siblings birthdays; he is treating everyone the same. Yes, it would have been nice to get a mother's day card from him but some things are best let go ( I talk from experience).

AmazingBouncingFerret · 03/06/2024 21:24

I definitely got all excited thinking it was an update from the OP with how her son reacted to his ignored birthday!

backtonormality · 03/06/2024 20:50

Just say a simple happy birthday at breakfast and leave him to wonder all day about his present.
I doubt he'd say anything but he'd definitely get thinking and if he did mention it I'd say oh I didn't think we did presents anymore as you didn't for us.

Hurrythefkup · 03/06/2024 20:12

He needs clear instruction.

Your sisters birthday is coming up. It isn’t acceptable not to make some effort. A card is the absolute minimum requirement. This includes mothers day Father’s Day and everyone’s birthday. For the next 50 years. You’ve been a selfish twat for far too long. Obv I blame myself but now you know. Don’t let me down.

Catsandcuddles · 10/03/2024 19:50

This is really shitty behaviour from your adult son, it's not difficult to get a card. He's a grown adult , for his next birthday don't get him anything , and if he questions it just simply say , oh I didn't think you were fussed about celebrating birthdays, Christmas etc

Itslegitimatesalvage · 10/03/2024 19:48

Are his siblings all female? Or a mix?

How did you handle this when he was growing up. Did you teach him to think of others and give consequences when he didn’t bother for Xmas and birthdays? When he was an older teen, did you make expectations clear and teach him that he needs to think of others and treat them the way he wants to be treated? Or did you just not bother?

BMW6 · 10/03/2024 19:45

Your DH is spot on. Do the right thing for your son and teach him the Actions have Consequences life lesson.

Treat him as he treats his family. If he gets it he can be a better person.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 10/03/2024 19:39

Please come back and update on his reaction on his birthday.

StringUnravelled · 10/03/2024 19:36

Definitely give him fuck all for his birthday, it is what he deserves. I would also tell your other children of your intentions so that they also do not get him a card because he doesn't get them one.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/03/2024 19:13

I think you should ignore his special day tbh.
I wouldn’t say that if he was under 18 but at 22 he should realise that you have to make others feel special and loved if you want that yourself.

iPreferBooks · 10/03/2024 19:03

> "I think if we ignored his special day he'd be rather miffed". Which would be a good lesson! He might learn some empathy for how other people feel when they don't receive anything from him.

strawberry2017 · 10/03/2024 18:50

Has anyone ever called him out on his shitty behaviour?

Stupidliefromfriend · 10/03/2024 18:11

I don't know why you told him not to worry about it. Why not "it's pretty hurtful that you didn't bother, we always make a fuss of you..."

hellsBells246 · 10/03/2024 18:08

@mumof4sweethearts - I don't think we'll bother for his next birthday, maybe just give him a breezy oh happy birthday by the way in the afternoon and leave him to figure.

I'd do that. Why on EARTH should anyone get him anything? Selfish git.

lilystargazer · 10/03/2024 17:56

I would say he doesn't like you very much, which would be up to him but if he's living with you then he probably should just buy something.

Oblomov24 · 10/03/2024 17:41

Did your Dh make him do it when he was a child? Since when did Ds stop? Wouldn't be acceptable to me.

purser25 · 10/03/2024 17:34

Think I would be tempted just to send a card but no presents.

mydogisthebest · 10/03/2024 17:09

Well unless he changes he is going to make a shit boyfriend and husband

Original poster
mumof4sweethearts · 10/03/2024 17:07

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/03/2024 17:04

Are you in the UK? All the high st shops and supermarkets are open on a Sunday. He's a lazy selfish git and will probably be a lazy selfish husband one day too.

Yes we're in the uk it was just an excuse, he even joked about being that disorganised.

I don't think we'll bother for his next birthday, maybe just give him a breezy oh happy birthday by the way in the afternoon and leave him to figure.

OP posts:
Sotired22 · 10/03/2024 17:05

I would ignore his next birthday and just say “you’re an adult now and you’ve obviously chosen not to celebrate your families birthdays so we are following your wishes!”

You’re not doing him any favours in life allowing him to be so selfish and inconsiderate. Think of his future partners and teach him to think of others.

Dartmoorcheffy · 10/03/2024 17:04

Are you in the UK? All the high st shops and supermarkets are open on a Sunday. He's a lazy selfish git and will probably be a lazy selfish husband one day too.

Ragruggers · 10/03/2024 17:01

You have let him get away with it.I would say from now on as he never celebrates others birthdays etc you will not be giving him any more presents as he obviously isn’t bothered.Stick to it he may start to think about it or not.

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