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Original poster

To find it embarrassing that my nans buys Mother’s Day presents?

85 replies

Rainorsnow · 10/03/2024 12:24

I’m 23 and my sisters are 21 and 18 and every Mothers Day my Nan buys presents for us for our mum. She has done this since we were little and obviously when you’re a child this is completely normal but but once I turned 18 I started wanting to do it myself with my sisters but Nan buys the presents weeks in advance in February so I don’t get the chance to and I don’t want to undermine her presents so we don’t get mum anything other than a bunch of flowers. It’s getting embarrassing and my I don’t think my grandad likes it either.

OP posts:
All2Well · 10/03/2024 13:11

Is it normal for your Nan to buy your mum presents on your behalf? DAE have that happen in their family?

It's not the case in my family or anyone elses family I know.

My Dad would sort out a present from me for Mum (and Mum vice versa
on his special occassions) until I was about 11. After that I was either given cash to sort my own or I'd get stuff out of pocket money until I got my first job as a teenager. At 11 I'd start going into town on the bus on my own etc to choose a gift and enjoyed the experience.

I've never known an adult child to be giving gifts to their Mum that another adult bought on their behalf...unless it's a daughter in law buying mil a gift on behalf of a DH...but that's a whole other thread!

Your nan is being sweet but it's definitely not the generally done thing.

Original poster
Rainorsnow · 10/03/2024 13:05

OK thanks for the clarity. Next year we’ll tell her we’d like to do it ourselves and just buy gifts anyway even if she buys some. My mum gets the gifts for my Nan to anyone asking about that.

Is it normal for your Nan to buy your mum presents on your behalf? DAE have that happen in their family?

OP posts:
SirenSays · 10/03/2024 12:52

I'd buy a gift for both and undermining wouldn't enter my head.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/03/2024 12:52

Rainorsnow · 10/03/2024 12:36

@everyone does nobody else think buying our own would undermine Nan’s presents?

No. My two DDs have bought me small individual presents, and a joint, larger one (a meal).

Of course, on this special day, just cooking your mum her dinner would be greatly appreciated, or breakfast in bed, which you could do without spending a penny, as well as gift her Nan's presents.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/03/2024 12:47

Throwawayme · 10/03/2024 12:29

It's sweet of her. Just buy your own gift for your mum too.

This. Your Nan probably enjoys getting involved. I hope you buy her a gift.

All2Well · 10/03/2024 12:46

@Rainorsnow

By the way, when you write @ everyone on here you end up tagging a person with the username "everyone" rather than everyone who has posted on the thread which may be quite annoying for that user if they have email notifications switched on!

All2Well · 10/03/2024 12:42

Rainorsnow · 10/03/2024 12:36

@everyone does nobody else think buying our own would undermine Nan’s presents?

Not really.

I wouldn't care about undermining.

It's a a bit forward to buy a gift on behalf of someone else anyway so she'd have to deal with the fact that, by doing something as unconventional as buying her own daughter a Mother's Day gift from her adult grandchildren she ran the risk that this could happen. And, had you stepped forward years ago, she might have stopped by now.

I have a friend who has a habit of buying a gift for other friends on all of our behalfs without consulting us and then expecting us to all chip in after she's bought it. I always just say "sorry, I didn't realise we were doing a group gift and am already over budget as have bought my own" as do others in our circle. She doesn't take offence and now accepts she should discuss it all first.

SeeYouInMyDreams · 10/03/2024 12:42

Rainorsnow · 10/03/2024 12:36

@everyone does nobody else think buying our own would undermine Nan’s presents?

Not at all.

Octonaut4Life · 10/03/2024 12:41

If you never buy your own gifts then presumably that's why she thinks she needs to keep on doing it. Get your own gifts for goodness sake regardless of what your nan does.

WhoaJayShettybambalam · 10/03/2024 12:41

Rainorsnow · 10/03/2024 12:36

@everyone does nobody else think buying our own would undermine Nan’s presents?

No!
Why would it?
Could you use your words to communicate with your family?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/03/2024 12:40

Rainorsnow · 10/03/2024 12:36

@everyone does nobody else think buying our own would undermine Nan’s presents?

Does it matter?

I wasn't sure if my BIL had got anything for my sister so got a couple of bits from the children for her. She just gets two lots of presents, if he remembers.

muddyford · 10/03/2024 12:40

Just buy your mother something yourself.

burnoutbabe · 10/03/2024 12:39

Surely your mum knows your nan buys the gifts.

I can't believe you waited to 18 to suggest you do it. Or don't just get her something yourself as well.

Alargeoneplease89 · 10/03/2024 12:39

Have you actually talked to your nan about it? I think its nice she wants to make sure her daughter is recognised on mother's day, after many years of buying a gift every year for your mother, it might be habit but I find it sad there doesn't seem much appreciation after all this time.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 10/03/2024 12:39

You could take your mum out for coffee or a meal? Take her to the cinema or a show?

ChaoticBag · 10/03/2024 12:39

Throwawayme · 10/03/2024 12:29

It's sweet of her. Just buy your own gift for your mum too.

Agreed! It's absolutely adorable - let her.

ODFOx · 10/03/2024 12:39

Does anyone buy your Nan a Mothers' Day present? Is this just her way of being part of the day?

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 10/03/2024 12:38

I genuinely don't understand why you don't just buy your own Confused

Spirallingdownwards · 10/03/2024 12:38

Unless your Nan expects you to reimburse her just buy your mum one from you anyway. I suspect your mum knows it's nan that buys them and would be delighted to see you do your own thing too.

Saymyname28 · 10/03/2024 12:37

Can you invite her to go shopping with you, unfortunately in February I guess but at least you can wean her off the idea of being responsible for it and you can have a nice shopping trip with your nan.

Original poster
Rainorsnow · 10/03/2024 12:36

@everyone does nobody else think buying our own would undermine Nan’s presents?

OP posts:
All2Well · 10/03/2024 12:36

It's a good point as well though that nothing was stopping you and your sisters from getting your Mum your own gift as well. Why didn't you?

JMSA · 10/03/2024 12:36

A non-issue. Either ask gran (very politely and nicely!) to stop, or just give her your own presents in addition to gran's. It is very sweet but I can see how you'd want to move on from this tradition!

WhoaJayShettybambalam · 10/03/2024 12:35

I think the weird bit isn’t your Nan it’s that you can’t also buy something.

Crabwoman · 10/03/2024 12:34

Maybe call her in a few days to thank her and say that as you are adults now, she can hand over that baton. Maybe get grandad on-side first?