Would you want your DDs to marry someone like your DH?

Absolutely. I got a good one. In fact my two adult DD’s have both said he’s a hard act for boyfriends to live up to.

No I hope to god she doesn't. Don't mean to be bleak but I could have said word for work what you said about his behaviour when they were babies. Raising children requires you to be adaptive and it gets tougher when they start forming their own opinions and pushing boundaries. My husband is totally unable to cope with that and spends his whole life acting like a victim and raging against me and the children over issues he causes in my opinion. I spend my whole life managing everyone else's emotions, I'm like a referee and constantly walking on eggshells. My sister commented to me yesterday it must be exhausting being that angry all the time, it certainly is for me managing the constant fall out. I hope this is the year I can find a way to escape and finally build a happy and positive life for my family. Hopefully not putting up with it anymore will be the lesson my dd and ds need not to repeat their parents mistakes.

Ditto.

My dad, yes. My DH, no. He's an excellent father but could improve a lot as a husband.

I married my dad, right down to the incredible niche job they both do. I’d be happy if any child of mine married someone like them.

But being married give you entitlement to the marital home and money. This is even more important if you have kids as most likely as the mum, you’ll sacrifice your earnings. I’d advise my daughters to only have kids once married

This. If your DH is will to discuss and work on things, that’s what you want. And I bet you’re not a perfect parent. And you’re being very heteronormative. Don’t assume DD will have a male partner

No I wouldn't

Like you my ex husband seemed like a decent man, good enough to marry, have a family with. None of us are perfect. All prone to selfishness etc but it's how you grow and mature that counts. I did. He didn't. And his negative personality traits as minor as they were in our 20s became gaping chasms in our late 30s and 3 children later

I read something recently

The wrong man teaches you can do it all by yourself

The right man knows you can but doesn't let you

That's the kind of man I want my girls to marry.

Yes, she knows that how he treats us is how it should be. He is a king amongst men.

She also has very positive and negative male role models from our friends husbands, so she knows the difference.

Christ that’s a bit bleak. I’ve alaway been careful not to rely on a bloke but you know….partnerships and all that.

I think what are are saying is probably the norm. I have a group of friends who are younger and all never had a bad word to say about their husbands, until they had children. I knew it was coming but kept quiet 🤣.

My husband is approaching 50 and I feel he is like a dinosaur compared to the young men you see on Love Island etc, I don't mean I'm terms of looks but more his emotional intelligence! I hope my daughter marries someone who is more in tune with their emotions.

I'm going to advise her not to marry at all unless she's 100% convinced it's the best plan.

I'm also going to ensure her finances are solid.

A lot of women (not all) end up making their DH's life easier but the reverse is sadly not always or even often true.

Girls/women are not on this planet to make men's lives easier.

My step daughter with some horror said the other day ‘fuck I’m going out with my dad aren’t I?’ After her boyfriend and her dad bonded over some obscure music.

he’s a lovely lad, very polite, funny, caring and responsible. She’s done well.

No, I'd want her to marry someone who can manage their emotions better. Someone who is not emotionally stunted from teenage trauma where she doesn't feel the need to "fix" them.
However I hope she recognises the love there and uses that as a base on what is acceptable. How she should be treated. He loves fiercely - that's the best part.

I’d be happy if our son or daughter ended up marrying someone like their Papa if they grow up to think marriage is for them.

I definitely want my children to end up with someone like their dad

Oh lord yes - I'd be chuffed to little mintballs if DD's had DH's like mine!

Yup definitely

I wouldn’t want my DD to marry at all. I would much prefer her to have her own money and be self sufficient and not to have to be legally enmeshed with a man at all. Cohabitation and children with them fine but you always have to be able to get out with your money.

Same.

I was thinking depends on the day/week.😆

Yes! But her own husband suits her and their children. However, thinking about it, both men are honest, loyal, kind, sensible with money, hardworking, intelligent, musical, have standards, like children - and can be a lot of fun.

i don’t have daughters, but I do have sons.

If they ever get married I hope 100% they will be EXACTLY the same type of husband that their dad is to me 🤞

Absolutely not.

In the main yes. Hopefully she'd be a bit firmer than me in some ways (my DH can't see what's at the end of his nose sometimes).

I have no DD, but I did marry someone very similar to my own father, so the example may be relevant.

My mother was very honest about her relationship with my father (they were married for 56 years until his death, but it was not the happiest of marriages), and I was very aware of my father's faults (nothing 'abusive' but still quite negative).

I often wonder if I married a man who had similar traits to my father because I was familiar with that sort of man.

Therefore, perhaps we cannot determine who our offspring marry, but our own marriage/partnership may very well influence our children's choice, perhaps in unexpected ways.