Would you want your DDs to marry someone like your DH?

Wholeheartedly yes. Without being a daddy’s girl, she admired as well as loved her late dad. I have no doubt he set the bar for what a husband/partner should be.

Not in a million years. She and I are entirely different personalities and are made happy by different qualities and able to tolerate different faults. She would not be suited to a man like my DP.
The perfect man that would be a great partner for every woman does not exist. Obviously there are some base line traits that would need to be in place, a core decency, but after that, we all have our own ideas of what we want.

No

She told me, my Mum.
She said to me before we got married "oh he's so like your Dad"
She was warning me and I didn't listen🤣.

We've been married for 42 years and the good definitely outweighs the bad but he can be such a miserable, negative sod at times (unjustifiably in my opinion) and it could have been fantastic. He doesn't see it though. He thinks my Dad's dreadful and can't see that he turned into him🥴🥴

Yes. He is a really good man, good husband and dad.

Yes absolutely. He is very like my father in values and attitudes though (very different otherwise). My sister also married a man with my dad's values. My BIL is very different from my own husband but is similarly a good man and good father.

I wouldn't want my DD to marry someone like her father (my ExH). He's abusive. I would hope she meets someone as lovely as my DP though.

I'd be over the moon if they married someone like my late dh. Only thing is I'd want their dhs to live much longer than he did.

100000000% No!

Do they feel the same about their father?

And you’re still married to him?

What a hellish life that must be 🌷

What strikes me so much in this thread is how many men are great, equal partners until the reality of how hard raising a child is and then they default to expecting the woman to do more of the work raising a child than they do.

There’s also a lot of people here saying that their DH let them down in some ways but “nobody is perfect”. I would love to know if these men would be as forgiving if their partner was the one insisting on more than their share of lie-ins. It’s absolutely true that women make men’s lives significantly easier.

I hope so he's great.

My Dad and DH are extremely similar.

Absolutely not - and thankfully they haven’t.

Don’t have a DD, but if I did, yep she would be very fortunate to find somebody like my DH.

Yes, I would love my daughter to meet and marry a man like her dad, my exH. He is a lovely, kind, loving, hard working, feminist man...... we just fell out of love.

@herewegoroundthebastardbush

Totally agree

Yes absolutely.

Happily most women in my life seem to be in loving, respectful, supportive marriages.

Yes, my husband is a womderful man!

How will your dd break the pattern without being provided a good example?

I'd prefer the didn't marry (or partner with) any man at all. I'm quite hoping they'll be lesbians, or at least choose not to fully knit their lot to a man. As I've grown from a romantic teen to a disillusioned almost 40, I look around and I see that almost entirely, men are a net drain on women emotionally.

In almost all the hetero couples I know, even if childcare/domestic labour is notionally split "50/50", the woman I doing a ton more labour both in terms of the irregular/invisible/unforseen (so sick days, sleepless nights, school events and comms, organising and attending playdates and parties and extra activities etc) but also more significantly the constant emotional labour of noticing, identifying, regulating and managing the male partner's emotions, about which the male partner is completely illiterate and at the mercy of without someone to do this work, whilst simultaneously managing the children's and their own because male partner "isn't good at that stuff". So women are the constant emotional weather vanes for minimum two other people 24/7 whilst having zero emotional support themselves from their immediate family.

All the best and most mutually supportive relationships I see are not romantic and don't involve a man - mothers and daughters, female friendship groups, mothers helping other mothers. Men are by and large incompetent at emotions,both their own and other people's. They think this makes them tough but actually it renders them incredibly fragile without some woman standing by sopping up their emotional weather.

I hope my girls figure this out quicker than I did, and pursue an independent life, and have kids within some sort of female support network. When my eldest was a baby and I found my mum tribe, and we were all quietly bewildered by how our nice, educated, caring partners had turned into helpless, selfish, angry children since we'd had babies (they hadn't, the traits had always been there, we just hadn't noticed as we'd been instinctively managing them when we had the bandwidth to do so) - I often thought how much easier all our lives woul be if we set up home together with our babies, instead of being isolated at home with someone who didn't look after us and required quite a lot of input not to make their own and anyone around them's life a misery.

I don't have dd's I have ds's, but yes I would want them to choose very carefully who they married.

Nope.

He was a great husband but never adapted to being a dad.

He got upset when they wouldn't settle for him "they don't like me" and when he tried to play with them or do activities with them "they just don't get it, they are so stupid".

Ironically I didn't want kids and he persuaded me into it because he wanted a family. Turns out he didn't.

He's now about to be a dad to family number two and I'm expecting the same shit show. (We're divorced, this is wife number two).

its hard because I do think history often repeats itself - my mum settled and was never truly happy, I feel I have done the same and whilst it’s not bad enough to leave it’s never amazing. I just hope my dd breaks the pattern. I think finding someone who truly makes you laugh and finds the best in every day can never be underestimated- who never takes advantage and loves you exactly as you.

Yes! He’s such a brilliant father, partner, friend and all round wonderful human being that I worry nobody will reach his standards for them. I am sad on a daily basis when I read all these threads about horrible partners, mental and physical abusers, ridiculous lazy rude entitled behaviours…they have a great role model which I hope will influence their choices but it’s difficult. I only got to my DH after a succession of terrible boyfriends and learned what I valued and what I wanted and didn’t want from a relationship. Our values are completely aligned which I think is REALLY hard to find. I feel incredibly lucky I found him and can only hope that my girls are as lucky.

I've a son, and I'm very much hoping that we're raising him to be just like his dad. Or that if he's gay, he can marry someone just like him.

10000%. If my children grow to marry or become men like their father they will have done very well indeed.