To not want to give DD money to go get clothes?

oh this is bringing back memories of me at 15! I needed a new school skirt and coat to go back to school for year 11 (so clearly an autumn/winter coat).
I returned with something that could generously be described as a summer jacket, and a skirt which, in hindsight, I did not have the legs or the arse for.
My mum looked at my purchases and at 15 year old me who was spoiling for a ‘you said I could get what I wanted as long as it stuck to the uniform rules’ fight and said ‘if you want those then fine, but I won’t be giving you the money to buy anything else if you change your mind once you can’t take them back.’
It was a long, cold, skirt-pulling-down-as-it-rode-up-constantly winter.

Glad your DD had a good day, OP ♡

My DD is 19 now is and is very stylish - thanks to not going clothes shopping with her clueless mum. I trusted her to make mistakes and learn from them - as you are doing.

I remember reading that if you want your DC to learn to budget, it's no use buying everything for them and giving them a tiny amount of pocket money, you have to give them enough to make mistakes with, so that they notice when they've made a mess and can't afford something that's important to them. Seemed fairly sensible

Very sensible indeed.

@PrincessTeaSet

How many places do you know have 2 hour shifts?!

Our neice, who is 16, works one night a week, finishing at 10pm, then a weekend shift that starts at 6am so she can get in a 12 hour shift! It was hard for her to get that….. this idea of 2 hour shifts before 7pm with an hour’s rest for every 4 hours worked… it isn’t practical in retail and hospitality and the pay is crap for young people.

As for babysitting, gardening and dog walking, fair enough, but how many parents would leave their children under the supervision of a child under 16?! I wouldn’t.

No doubt it is valuable in terms of work ethic, but for me I want my DC primarily to be concentrating on getting good grades to contribute towards getting into Uni. If they do some casual work on the side and it doesn’t impede their performance - great. But it certainly isn’t expected.

I can count on one hand how many people I knew who worked under 16 across not only my year group but the one above and below when at school.

All three of mine were very different. I don't think my son could ever have been trusted to know what clothes to buy tbh. I presume he can now he's 23, but I'd still not trust him to pack for a holiday if I'm honest.

My eldest daughter, I used to give an allowance to, which was for everything except school uniform, warm winter coat, decent shoes and undies. Clothing allowance only.

My youngest, me and her Dad (my ex) have been giving her an allowance to cover everything since she was 14. By everything, I mean; all clothes, school lunches, activities, spending money, school trips, hair cut and colour, make-up, the lot really. And she's done really well as she's still managed to save 3k in the last 2-3 years. It started as an experiment driven by the fact a) she's pretty good at prioritising and b) her father didn't want to pay me a penny in maintenance as obviously I'd just spend it on living the high life.

All 3 of mine would have treated (say) 200 quid cash "for clothes" in completely different ways. At that age, I'd probably have spent half in "Mark One" and the rest on fags and booze, not gonna lie.

I was about that age when I started getting a clothing allowance with pocket money - so I had to buy all my non-essential clothes. It's a good opportunity to learn about target saving and budgeting.

I remember reading that if you want your DC to learn to budget, it's no use buying everything for them and giving them a tiny amount of pocket money, you have to give them enough to make mistakes with, so that they notice when they've made a mess and can't afford something that's important to them. Seemed fairly sensible.

Teenage years at home are when you hope they'll make all therir big mistakes, rather than in the unforgiving grown up world of work and self reliance.

Have you read what you are linking to? It's not restrictive at all, only says no industrial or factory sites and limited hours. They can still work at weekends and up to 2 hours on a school day. That leaves cafés, shops, casual work such as babysitting, gardening, dog walking, all of which I did before leaving school. I think doing those jobs was of enormous benefit in later life. Earning your own money is important but it's not just that. There are so many lessons to be learned about the workplace and how to behave etc. GCSEs are not difficult, and do not need to be focused on to the exclusion of normal life.

She's 15, not 10! Let her be happy in what she wears. We get enough judgement from the rest of the world.

@Redcase 😂😂😂

@FreckleHeckle

She did great!!

Are the bras sensible?!

I remember having £20 and got saucy red bra and thong - again, out of top shop - to impress a bf and hid them from Mum!!

also bought a rabbit @Redcase loved reading your post!!

Bringing back fond memories!! My poor Mum!

@FlibbertyGibbitt

Or a grandparent.

At 13 I desperately wanted black platform boots like the Spice Girls had from top shop.

Mum said no.

Brought grandfather into town, boots acquired, as well as blue sparkly nail polish and purple eyeshadow!!

Aw! I’m almost disappointed in her!!!!

I think I was 14/15 when I started buying my own clothes, I bought some pretty awful things and had no fashion sense at all but it was a part of growing up and learning to handle money and budget for those things you needed as well as the things you wanted. I was working at 14 but probably only earning £20 ish a week which wasn’t really enough to buy a pair of jeans and cover the bus fair into town.

Im now 42 and still have no fashion sense and am pretty rubbish with money 😬, I do enjoy shopping though even if I often buy things that I’m never going to wear. My mum rarely went shopping with me as a teenager, she just let me get on with it and make my own awful mistakes with fashion.

She's never going to learn if you don't let her try though.... make it clear that this is her budget for x amount of time and you won't be buying her more clothes so if she buys impractical things it's her problem really. Also apart from being inconvenient most shops do refunds so if she hangs on to all her receipts she can try things on at home and return them if they don't fit, not the end of the world

The mobile phone is your friend here!

Ask her to send you photos of the options that she likes - she might surprise you in a good way.

Because I realise that my tastes and knowledge on what suits me is not necessarily what youngsters wear. I also realise that as an adult I am not so subject to peer pressure over clothes, I am fine with being old and sticking to my choices, even if they are dated. Although my mothballed 90’s outfits have recently been appropriated as fashion does come round again 😂

as I said in a pp, my mum thought she was fashionable and knew clothes. She did grow up in the 60’s and 70’s, she was actually bloody good with designing and very trendy as a youngster.

as an older woman with money she was very focussed on “classy”, appearing expensive, and clothes that lasted. The disposable fashion of new look and primary to her was a waste of money.

lets face it, most grown adults will not “get” young fashion, no matter how much they think they keep up with trends. there is also that no way is a mum paying for clothes and not having a say in what is bought.

at that age friends opinions are much more important than mum’s.

I had to get new shoes when I was around 12. Went to town with my dad, went into M &S and purchased some wedges ( we are talking late 70s) . I thought I looked fabulous obviously in them as I clumped downstairs in them at 12:30 to show my mum. (I think my dad asked me if they’d be ok for school to which I replied “of course dad”)

My mum was on the 1:30 bus back into town to return them.

So even going with a parent can cause issues ! 🤣

When I worked in a clothes shop, we sometimes tried clothes in our free time also. This is how you learn what fit you, even as an adult. Go in the changing rooms, put it on, come out and the colleagues will give an opinion. Being conveniently and comfortably dressed for the correct weather does not come naturally to young girls. Hasnt your grandma or mum never told you that you forgot your jacket

We always shop as a family, so not sure how having your mum with you to try clothes is bad. When she turns 16 and has a small job, she can do what she wants with the money and then you can see is she financially wise. Some people learn the financial ropes at the age of 30 something after many many struggles. I have seen it

I worked with many youngers in hospitality and shops. The parents always gave them lifts and picked them up, because one of the venues was in a country side with long drive into a massive garden. If your parents give you lifts, it is no shame for them to come and make sure teach you what clothes you need, how to budget on what you need and if you then like something with a frill, to buy it, once your basics are covered.

Not sure why it's so funny that you're continuing the chain of poor spending choices, if you had so much money you didn't care that's different. The whole point of being a parent is doing better than the previous generation.