my attitude on this 1st date?

Agree, it can be very hard to understand some men’s true motivations on dates even if their profiles say they’re looking for a relationship, asking this kind of question so soon on, when it seems obvious you’re not really into casual sex etc objectively doesn’t sound great. Obv I wasn’t there but generally that would give me the ick, when dating I felt I had to have my guard up a bit because some men know they won’t get anywhere sexually if they don’t say they’re looking for a relationship. I think it’s good you know your boundaries even if some people might think they’re a bit ‘high’/‘unreasonable’…

Why bother? The world's not so short of men, and being without one's not so dire, that we have to take on any old tactless half wit we can find, and educate them out of asking about the sex life of people they met an hour earlier, is it?

It was an hour into a first date, you felt uncomfortable so you walked away. I'm a strong believer in acting on instinct so I think you did the right thing. However no doubt others will raise the possibility that he spoke without thinking if he was genuinely surprised someone he found attractive would be in your situation

Quite!

He's a bloke being cheeky on a date...not a dangerous sex fiend

I wouldn't have been offended at all, just conversation. I think walking out was ruder but maybe it wasn't a match meant to be.

I was in a second date with a guy I really liked and it was going well after a brilliant first date.
Then out of the blue he said ‘I can’t not mention the fact you’ve got the most fantastic tits’ - and in that moment the attraction I had disappeared and I thought ‘sleazy creep’

I told him it was a really inappropriate comment and rather than apologise he doubled down and said that he thought we were at stage where I would accept a compliment - if that’s his idea of a compliment then we were absolutely not on same page.

We awkwardly finished our drinks then went out separate ways but he still messaged me unapologetic saying he was confused that I had turned for no reason .

For whatever reason OP got the ick from him after that question. No dates were hurt by her walking out and its not necessary to caper around bleating that OP was rude for ending it abruptly. Perhaps her experience has led her to avoid negotiating an exit with a stranger in a bar who is encroaching on her. I know I am old enough to just walk away without performing feminine care for others when i feel I may be in danger.

Yes,I see that’s the point being made. However, for one, she’s already explained that she was speechless because of being so shocked and taken aback at the question. Two, she pointed out in any event that she communicated what she thought by her actions.

I guess my wider point is that women on average tend to worry about being rude to men (or, if you like, to anyone) but that this concern, again on average, is just not reciprocated. It really isn’t.

And why wouldn’t we say that his question to her was rude? And if someone is rude to you, there is no social rule requiring you to be polite in return. Possibly some psychological harm in doing so ie in not standing up for yourself? Anyhow, I applaud her rapidity in seeing this as a red flag and acting on it.

I think people are just bemused by the strength of the reaction.

If everything had been going swimmingly well - hour in, second drink, great chemistry - then the comment about sex. Would the OP have upped and left or cut the guy a break?

Or is it more likely the date was really going nowhere before the comment was made?

Agree with you Sam well said. She did not owe him any explanation but I think I would have called him a dirty perv and then walked off. Imagine if this were their daughter on a date and a man was asking a question like this.

Absolutely. We are told as women to listen to our gut and if a date makes us feel uncomfortable for whatever reason to protect ourselves and leave.

And yet when the OP does exactly that, she’s castigated by other women

@ricollete you did nothing wrong. He was a creep and he made you feel uncomfortable so you left.

*desperate not dedicate

I agree with others who say they wish they'd had the confidence and courage to disengage with men who I had no business being in the company of alot earlier in my life.
However you choose to do it, it's not wrong.

i agree. He thought he’d get her to talk about sex and that after 3 years she’d be dedicate for him.

So many saying she is rude or if she fancied him it would have been ok. Ok maybe in the world of people who think his question was acceptable.

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle I'm not castigating rudeness, I'm castigating superiority. Hth.

I've got two autistic children.

Op seems the opposite to me.

If she fancied him, it probably wouldn't have bothered her.

I am shocked that so many think that what the man asked is ok. Did he think the op would just giggle and start talking about sex and then he thinks oh I'm in there. Op did the right thing and what were her boundaries. So many other questions he could have asked her but no straight to sex which shows his true intentions.

@DrBlackbird - I think it's the stalking out without a word that's the very rude bit.

"I don't think this is going to work out so am calling it a night. Have a good evening," and leaving is pretty blunt but at least communicating.
"That you think it's OK to ask me that tells me we aren't going to be compatible. Let's save each other some time. Good bye," might be a little clearer, and still gets her the hell out of Dodge.

Getting your bag and coat and leaving without a word is breathtakingly rude, no matter which party did it to whom.

The amount of so many women saying ‘how rude’ surprises me.

We do so much emotional labour and the heavy lifting in our relationships (however brief) and worrying about their ego and self esteem. When we really don’t need to.

I’ll bet any amount of money the date was not fussed, did not feel crushed or wounded (men asking such questions just wouldn’t), but rather shrugged and thought ‘she’s not up for it’. Then drank both drinks and tried to chat up some other woman.

If a man walked out on a date without saying anything in response to him telling his date that he wanted sex and she said that she wasn’t up for it, then posted this on Reddit and asked if he was being unreasonable, I wonder what the response would be from other men? Anyone on Reddit want to try the experiment and report back…

@ricollete fwiw, I’m impressed and wish my younger self had that insight into the shitty behaviour of men and confidence to act in the moment.

I wouldn’t necessarily call it creepy (depending on their delivery) but it would irritate me if it was mentioned on a first date at his age. It probably wouldn’t have if we were both in our twenties and in that ‘horny’ phase but now, from a man in his forties (or older) it would annoy the hell out of me. It would come across to me as a man only thinking with his d*ck. Not saying everyone would but I’d have felt the same as OP, ie this man is not for me because if he was he would not have asked this question at this time.

I don't see why you had to just grab your shit and walk out though.

Say 'I don't think thats any of your business right now' or 'I don't really want to discuss that' ... surely?

If he were to then push the issue and not listen to you, sure, leave, he's rude, but on a date where you've already done a lot of the early chat/get to know you stuff via text/messenger, I don't think this is a 100% outrageous thing to bring up (albeit, there may have been subtler ways).

He hasn't known you for just an hour, you've been talking to the guy over a whole week! Its a very different situation to just meeting a randomer in a bar you both happen to be in!