my attitude on this 1st date?

😃😃

What were the rest of the red flags he was riddled with please ?

Good on you.

He asked you an extremely personal question too early. It might teach him some sensitivity.

He may have just been looking for a one night stand but accidentally blew his cover. It's why women need to be careful as you were so you did good there as he's riddled with red flags.

Yeah, that's the idea. Our of the dating pool, two men will end up having sex on the first date with the same woman (different dates, one would hope!).

It would be a red flag for me not because of the impertinence (although it is impertinent) but because "what do you do for sex?" After you've already answered those other questions implies he can't even fathom not having sex for three years. If the reason is that your husband died three years ago and you've not met anyone else since then it's a deranged question. It would show me that we're incompatible because to him just having sex is more important than the quality of the connection.

If it were me, I couldn't resist coming back for a little peek ! It's evenly split - essentially half of Mumsnet (and her mate who knows her) thinks she was a bit harsh.

I don't get those figure (but then my maths never was much good)

It seems to me that some of the men are having sex with the same woman - otherwise it would be 50/50 ? 🤔

"I won't be answering that question, it's inappropriate. I'm going to call it a night. Thanks for the drink. Goodbye."

I would have found the question funny and flirty. I wouldn't have answered or thought he expected an answer. I most likely just rolled my eyes and changed the subject. I'm not particularly unusual. Based on that you can see he could be a complete creep but he also could have just misjudged your reaction.

I think you were unkind.

Anyway, comment if you wish too, but there’s no point in admonishing (or praising) the OP as they’ve said what they want to and have left the thread.

Nearly half of posters daughters (of consenting age) are having sex on the first date

Let alone talking about it

To SAMW98 what a comment he made to you, crass and inappropriate. Is a better way he could have complemented you but like you I would have been turned right off and I like a good laugh etc but hate crude and rude. I wish had listened to my gut when I was younger but maybe now that am in peri-meno I would not take this crap.xx

Yeah a lot of people are making this about men and feminine care. Really it's not.
I date women too. Same principles apply.

😂😂

Oof OP.

I think you were unnecessarily rude. Your post almost reads as if you’re proud of yourself for treating another person this way.

There are lots of reasons he might have asked the question, including the fact that he might have just blurted it out without thinking! First date nerves affect men too….

You say you’d been chatting for a week - usually the sleazeballs make themselves known quickly. The question might have been made in all innocence - some people are just very comfortable with these things, others less so.

Regardless of his reason for asking the question, you can’t help how you feel. I’m quite an open person so it wouldn’t even occur to me to find it offensive. For you it was a red line and that’s fine. But how you handled it wasn’t fine.

If the sexes were reversed and a man got up and walked out of a date without a single word, I don’t think anyone would be cheering his behaviour. Asserting boundaries doesn’t mean ignoring basic manners.

Also, it’s not about societal expectations for women to be nice - the same applies to both sexes. If he’d said something offensive or rude then walking out would be understandable. But he just asked a question that you felt was too personal- he’s not been insulting, or deliberately offensive. He just misjudged things - that doesn’t warrant such rudeness. By all means leave if that comment was an instant no-go, but there’s no reason for such rude dramatics.

I think you were wrong to say you’ve not had sex, relationship or even a coffee date in 3 years. That is a 🚩to me - don’t mean to say you’re not a beautiful woman or a wonderful person, but that’s disclosing too much information too early.
I wouldn’t ask his question about sex but I would think it - you were both over the top. Keep your cards closer to your chest. Just my two cents anyway.

Think we all are by now 🙂

Ugh. You were right to ditch him.

If a man I was at the early stages of dating indicated he was happy to go three years without sex I'd consider there would be a mismatch in our sex drives which could make a relationship difficult. He was cutting to the chase, and probably surprised.

You're still missing the point.

Personally, I think he crossed a line, but maybe I’m old fashioned. I would also see this as him having a high sex drive, which would put me off.

Asking but what do you do about sex does not equal dangerous sex pest.

He was rude and crass and it clearly put you right off him. I think it was a very personal question to ask someone on a first day, and I'm quite impressed that you obviously decided immediately 'This man is not for me,' and wasted no more time on him!

How do you know that? Sex pests don’t wear T-shirts advertising the fact

I don’t think you did the wrong thing leaving if you were uncomfortable.

I also don’t think he was hugely inappropriate. If anything it’s probably a reasonable gauge of how comfortable you are talking about sex / lack of etc.

If your sexual interests are cards you chose to keep close to your chest and he likes to lay his on the table cheerfully for all to see - then this probably wasn’t the relationship for you!

Absolutely fine to leave however you want if something makes you uncomfortable. This is why one shouldn’t commit too much time to a first date!