To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

Just take away her phone

For that type of crimes, I wouldn't do any extra out of school punishment.
It wasn't a detention for being abusive, lazy, not doing the work .

I would restore the removed activities and tell DD, the world is full of stupid rules we have to obey, you are not in trouble with me or at home.

What lunatic would stop her participation in choir? Something that requires discipline and hard work, giving your time at the weekend to contribute to a community event?

As for anything else I would just say to her tutor “I take the school rules seriously and will support my daughter to observe them in the way I see fit “

I genuinely cant believe you are continuing to send your daughter to that school. The whole thing is overbearing, disproportionate and ridiculous and you are an awful advocate for the child for allowing this to happen.

She doesn’t need a phone for this - surely you meet her at the same place every day? And if not, because of parking, just tell her you might have to park up further down the road, or better still park the car up and walk to the gate to meet her.

The teacher can suggest all she wants - I hope you didn’t have this discussion in front of your DD.
Going forward, your DD may be better to do a yoga class online that she can do daily and isn’t reliant on a teacher being available. Also, why has a 9 year old for a phone anyway!

I think the school is a bit much. The detentions are overkill - kids will forget things and wtf about drinking water outside of break times? For the past 15 years our school kids have had water bottles with the school logo on them... it's encouraged they remain hydrated during class. Isn't that normal in schools these days?

I take it its a really good school otherwise? They sound horrid.

Nah I wouldn’t be told what to do out of school by a teacher. How you chose to punish or not punish things that have happened in school is entirely up to you and I wouldn’t even entertain this.

Your daughters health comes before anything a teacher says.
I cant believe you're even asking this.
Frankly I'd have complained to head of year about the form teachers over- reach. and total lack of comprehension about her pupils health needs. Shockingly dictatorial.

Does it have to be a middle school? Can't she just go to a primary school and be a kid?

Please don’t stop any of her activities or the choir. Children need to do these things for their own well-being and development. Madness to cut activities which generally keep children on the straight and narrow anyway.

I am surprised your poor daughter isn’t a nervous wreck, giving detentions for crap like this to a 9 year old! Seriously? Drinking water and forgetting a key? Well throw me in jail then, I lose my car keys all the time! Usually found in the dog basket or in the fridge.
Of course she shouldn’t miss exercise or her choir performance for this. Unless there is a back story and she is badly behaved (doesn’t sound like it).

This sounds bonkers. Misdemeanours are v minor. No way would I be punishing my child at home over this kind of thing. Do you live in North Korea?

There’s absolutely no way I’d be changing anything outside of school. These are all such minor things that a detention is over the top. I wouldn’t even have considered stopping any out of school activities for these. I’d also be having a strong word with school too about this pressure, the detention is the punishment.

I'd withdraw her from the school as it sounds way beyond insane and disgusting. I'd never allow my child to be subjected to that.

Obviously, I wouldn't withdraw her from any activities or take her phone.

The school are asking way too much, IMO.

I agree that it's important that school sanctions are supported at home, they're over-reaching by demanding she lose all activities/privileges at home, especially those that allow her to manage her pain.

It all sounds a bit much, really!

Your poor daughter.

What on earth?? Those are tiny infringements. There’s no way I’d even take away one activity or punish her at home in any way for those. Sounds like a military prison not a school.

and I votedUBU as you are allowing the school to bully your child

sorry for the typos and grammatical errors in my post. I am just so furious on your daughter's behalf.

I never say this but just read the reasons for detention and bloodly hell! She is 9 for goodness sake! I have a 9 year old and guess what, their heads are always in the cloud. Mine would live in detention if she starts getting one for everything she forgets. It's school's job to support her and give her tools to eal with forgetfulness but these issues are so ridiculous and reaction to them over the top. Why are you not standing up for your child and letting the school bully her? You will destroy her mental health this way? This has got to be a very strict private school or a public school where they had a history of difficult children. None of the acts she is punished for hurt any one or disrupt hers or others education. Change her school and stand up for her. Do not at any cost cancel any of her activities.

SHE is 9. What merits detention?
at 9 -ONE consequence of actions is bad enough-far less telling parents. Expecting you to cube the punishment? id say.nope.you do it your way.
at school.
i deal with at home, sure if her wanna push-you gotta tighten reigns but- what?thats awful

Is this a prison or a school? Why on earth is she being punished by taking her out of school activities away for what she has done in school and is already being punished by getting a detention. The school is controlling and you are nuts for accommodating them. All of this seems excessive, overkill and will not teach her anything. Unless she badly harmed someone, I would not be taking any of these activities away and tell the school to do one.

Insanity. Why are you going along with any of this? I assumed it was something terribly serious, e.g. vicious bullying. She forgot some stupid pin??

I would not send my child to a school who treated children this way. They're not allowed to drink when the want? How is that healthy? They're not prison inmates!

I voted that you are being unreasonable because you are allowing a school to dictate to you.

Far too many consequences - she is your child and it isn’t up to the teacher to tell
you how to discipline your child.