To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

This.

The child is only yr5, it sounds like a horrendous environment.

YANBU. I don’t think you should be asked to stop any of it. The detention in itself is surely enough.

At some point, strict adherence to high standards tips over into the fetishizing of child punishment. This school has gone past that point.

I’m all for kids learning from age-appropriate consequences for bad behaviour, etc… I assumed that to receive so many detentions in such a short time, that’s what this was about. While I agree with most that their detention metering is quite extreme and in theory should be teaching the kids to think for themselves, it is more likely that it’s teaching the kids not to care about detentions at all. As for your DD, I think that in this case what the school doesn’t know won’t hurt them. You are taking away two activities. The other can be justified as a medical requirement if necessary. I also believe you should request an exemption for water for your DD.

Sorry but I have to disagree with you @Leonarda89. It isn't boderline anything. It is Child Abuse. Even without the poor childs condition, that level of punishment for one normal error that anyone could make, and that could have been easily remedied by calling @StoppingTheClassDueToDetention, should not have even caused her to have
a detention, I think a bit of sympathy at having forgotten her key, and help ringing her Mum would have been far more appropriate. As for the rules about when and where anyone can have a drink of water, is verging on barbaric to me. One should be allowed to drink water whenever they are truly thirsty. The last rule break about wearing her pin on her lapel instead of her tie, she is nine years old, not 19 on her first workplace assignment.

This school sounds Dickensian OP, and they are doing what I would call Posturing. They can have no genuine or healthy reason for punishing pupils for such minor infractions, actually scrub the word infraction, one can only commit an infraction when breaking a rule, and as I consider all three of those "rules" as being so ridicous that they should not even be countenanced as "rules" in any ordinary person's reasoning. Therefore, IMO your very dear daughter has done nothing whatsoever wrong. Please, please, please, OP do not punish her at home for doing nothing unreasonable at all.

I can't imagine what the schools punishments must be for pushing or hitting another pupil, or even swearing at a teacher?

Wow. What an absolutely miserable childhood the kids at that school must be having.

YABU to send her there.

I just read her "crimes". As far as I am concerned detention was enough and should have been the end of it. Unreal!

What now??????

absolutely no way would I be agreeing to this. Is this school in the Uk?

I wouldn't impose any punishment for these things. How utterly insane.

I voted YANBU but you are for taking away 2 activities that enrich your DD's life over such minor infractions.

The reasons for the detentions are ridiculous - having a drink when she is thirsty? What? I would think she's already been punished enough and not do anything further.

Let me guess, this is an academy run by one of those ultra strict trusts, isn’t it? Have a google, it’s eye opening and teachers are also rebelling.

I take it your dd has a care plan. If not, please contact the nursing team for your school area to discuss obtaining one. I would be writing to the senco and immediately informing them it is beneficial for your dd to drink whenever she is thirsty and asking for a water pass. Then I email the relevant person to add this to the care plan.

I would write to the head about the discrimination against her on grounds of disability. State you are concerned about her welfare whilst in their care because you fear her disability is not being taken seriously after they called you in for a meeting to scold you for not withdrawing an activity, which she participates in for her disability and health.

If you don’t get a satisfactory response, you can start to escalate, first to the governors.

These detentions are all for minor infractions. So, I wouldn't be stopping the yoga. Thise kind of detentions should be for secondary school aged children who have actually done something more serious like refusing to do homework or being rude to others repeatedly or violence.

1 detention was for forgetting her locker key so she couldn't get any of her stuff (they didn't give her a chance to call me to bring it in as a one off I'd do this as I wfh)
1 detention was for being caught drinking out her bottle in the corridor between lessons (drinks only allowed at break and lunchtime)
1 detention for not wearing her houses pin on her tie (it was on her blazer lapel)

For these reasons I wouldn't be taking any of her privileges away. They are so minor and not 'bad' behavour as such. Ridiculous to be given detentions for them IMO. I would be telling them that at the parent meetings.

When mine were at school the (widespread) policy was to let them have access to water at all times. This was why water bottles were suddenly allowed at their primary school (and others in the area).

Why do you let the school have so much influence? I wouldn’t stop any activities or do any other punishments. The detention is the punishment. You need to support your daughter not someone else’s bad ideas. Use your judgement.

I'm sorry did you perchance mistakenly send your daughter to train for special forces instead of a normal school?

its totally ridiculous to punish a 9 year old for forgetting her keys and drinking water!

This ^

Also Op, in the nicest possible way - you need to enagage your brain and stop blindly doing what the school say… (are you a people pleaser in other areas?)

This school may be good in some ways and may be the right place for your daughter, but you’re doing her no favours demonstrating that
a) one punishment isn’t enough, we must instead keep punishing ourselves over minor incidents because proportionality is not a thing… and
b) that if an authority figure tells you to do something that suggestion must be followed unquestioningly, no matter the effect on you (or others).

I am all for following the rules when they are clearly set out and you’ve signed up to them (eg by joining a school or office which makes those rules clear up front). I am also all for accepting that, when an organisation makes a consequence clear and applies that policy transparently and fairly, you have to accept the consequences of your mistake/action however annoying.

BUT in terms of this kind of daily admin/housekeeping - that is the school’s responsibility to enforce, they have a system and there’s is ZERO need for you to be backing this level of issue up on the way you have volunteered to do.

This isn’t a case of eg. your dd swearing at a teacher, the school giving a consequence and you turning up to say ‘how dare you give my DD detention?!’. That would be undermining and disrespectful of any parent. In that situation backing up the school and possibly applying a home consequence might be appropriate as it would be about a change of attitude and behaviour at a deeper level.

All we are talking about here is that a 9 year old isn’t quite on top of some daily school admin and is given a consequence. Fine - but that’s the end of it! Maybe think about what YOU feel is reasonable at home and implement that instead. Perhaps if she gets 3 after school detentions there is a consequence at home (ONE not two or three). Obviously a serious infraction (eg hurting another child) is a different matter entirely.

If I were you I would backtrack to one lost activity session, explain to her that you overreacted that you aren’t ruling out home consequences in future depending on specific circumstances. But that she needn’t worry about losing her concert (if you’ve already held that over her head?)

The idea that you’d make your child ill in order to kowtow to the school’s preference on this is absurd. It would be better to think of a way to support her in remembering these little admin tasks she is getting used to and, if questioned, letting school know that this is how you are both backing them and supporting your DD.

Their approach is unnecessarily punitive and suggests a rather blunt “with us or against us” mindset that does not usually result in the kind of collaborative teamwork I’m sure they would say they are seeking…

Perhaps consider how best to model behavior that will allow your daughter to grow up to advocate for herself and be assertive about her needs so these can be met, but without being unnecessarily aggressive/combative. What you are currently modeling is how to be a doormat, which I’m sure isn’t what you want her to learn?!

Is she at Ivy Ridge?

Why were you up for any of this?

Absolutely barmy.

And if your DD went to school and said you had punished her for having an unscheduled drink of water they'd be phoning social services 🙄

They gave her a detention for HAVING A DRINK OF WATER?

No way would I be supporting their batshit rules!

I'll be removing my child from that school. School has no right to control outside activities.

You've got to be kidding! Three detentions for THAT!? Complete overkill.

Not only would I not be punishing her at home for any of those things, I'd also seriously consider moving schools!

Three detentions and they want you to isolate and imprison the child at home? What on earth is she doing at school - murdering her classmates?

I'm kidding. I read what she did "wrong". I very rarely don't take the side of the school in these threads but this is insanity. The yoga isn't even a fun activity really - it's a medical one. Its like them asking you to take away her inhaler.

Also punishments should be a direct consequence. Not just a random, relentless series of ongoing punishments with no rhyme or reason. I wouldn't take any of her hobbies away. Children need routine and security - not anxiety and lack of control. The idea that everything you hold dear can be taken away at a moments notice if you're not "good" enough is horrible.

I have no idea why the teacher even knows, in detail, all the activities she does to the point she is able to have these conversations. But I would be shutting it down.

Supporting the school means supporting the detentions, and echoing the message at home.

I can understand, if it's an ongoing behaviour problem, that they might ask you not to introduce new treats. I understand, if her behaviour has declined, that it might send mixed messages if you're picking her up from school, hearing all about it then taking her to her favourite restaurant.

But the stuff she already does and owns - I wouldn't take it away. Hobbies are healthy and important. If she enjoy them enough that taking them away is a punishment then they're very important.

Also I feel like this is the kind of thing that backfires. Eg I can imagine a parent stops their music-loving kid from attending their piano lessons as punishment and at the end of the punishment the kid has actually got used to having their Wednesdays free and no practice to attend so they no longer want to continue their piano lessons at all thank you very much.

That sounds like one neurotic school!
First, human beings and water should never be separated. We don’t need to restrict water intake unless on medical grounds.
And ONE “crime” = ONE sanction that they should ensure is effective.
Your poor child, what a miserable school life.☹️

Firing squad.

I voted you are being unreasonable for all the other ridiculously over the top sanctions you have already put in place