To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

I'm all for backing a school but this seems really excessive. I certainly wouldn't drop the yoga, that's for pain management and I'm shocked a school would suggest that if they know the context. The detention was the punishment surely? Maybe one at home punishment to reinforce your support of the school but that's it. She's only 9 and these are very minor infractions.

She hadn’t even forgotten the pin. It was in the wrong place.

The school sounds horrible, my girl would be doing all her activities. you volunteered the Easter convert too? Why?

In fact, I’d go as far as to say that the school’s behaviour feels bullying.

I haven’t got past this post.

wtaf. Don’t take anything away from her at home. At all. I come speaking from a mother whose son in secondary school has had multiple detentions (he’s now y11, but he’s been like it since y7) - mainly for talking and being disruptive in class, nothing physical - and only when he’s had detentions in successive weeks have we given a punishment at home. And only then taken the PlayStation away for a couple days. He keeps his phone and laptop.

I cannot understand a school giving any student below year 7 a detention.

She shouldn't have had a detention for any of those things! If she was caught smoking or punching someone then would she receive the same punishment?

Don't take away any of her activities. I'd also move school too.

That sounds utterly ridiculous and I'd tell the school to do one. Seriously. Don't they have any other problems? It's not like your DD set the school on fire or something.

I used to teach Y5/6 at a middle school and we very rarely gave detentions. (Ofsted Outstanding with generally very good behaviour in the lower school.) If any of my kids needed to miss break or part of lunch, I'd usually call parents to let them know and ask them to make sure they kids got a good run around after school. They usually needed to be out and moving. I certainly wouldn't have asked for additional punishment outside of school. What a twattish way to deal with this.

I now work at an independent school and we don't have detentions at all in the primary section and I only know of them happening once in a blue moon in the secondary department. It would be a massive deal for our kids.

I feel awful for your poor daughter. The school sounds like a prison. It must be hell for her. I wouldn't put my kids though this. What a shit way for them to live.

Not a dig at you btw, but I wouldn't put my child in such a horrible place. School is meant to be fun!!!!!

I’m a retired teacher, and was very strict. It makes me want to weep when I hear of children getting detentions for such bloody stupid reasons.

I’d politely tell the school to fuck off.

What everyone else has said. The child is 9! I don’t think detentions are warranted for her rules infractions. I’m not even convinced all are infractions- isn’t anyone allowed to make a mistake anymore? All these detentions will do is breed resentment and alienate children from school.

I wouldn’t be stopping any of my child’s acitivities, given what you’ve said here. She’s been punished more than enough. I especially would not be stopping the yoga. As it helps her medically, I would class it as a therapy and absolutely essential. I’ve not used this phrase before, but I feel like using it now- any teacher suggesting you stop the yoga even for one session- needs to give their head a wobble.

Wouldn't stop any of them either. I would also think about making representations about after school detentions at that age for such misdemeanors. It's not like she did the same thing 3 times and none of them serious. I get the 'broken window' philosophy but lots of evidence that it doesn't work.

This is ridiculous.

She didn't hurt or attack anyone. I wouldn't be taking any activities away from her, OP. Detention is enough and even then, I think its super harsh for the reasons you gave.

A 9 year old being given a detention for things that a child is only just learning? Horrendous! Is this some sort of Victorian school and is the teacher called Miss Trunchbull.

It sounds like a nightmare of a school. I would be removing her (though that’s not to tell you that you should). Those are all such minor infractions that none of them deserves a detention. And they have no right whatsoever to tell you what to do outside school. Do not fall for their bullying. You are the parent and the one who is ultimately responsible for your child.

I'm a teacher, this is all completely ridiculous. It's also one of the reasons I left the state sector because I don't want to give out detentions to nice kids for minor uniform infractions - what a waste of time. Don't stop any of it, and maybe think about moving her to a school where they are less insane.

I work in a very nice, very high achieving school. We only really give detentions for serious things like being caught vaping on school grounds. I'd only expect a parent to remove a child from out of school activities or take their phone etc if they had done something serious which involved the phone - bullying others online for example. I think there would only be a conversation with parents where we suggested things like this if it was a meeting explaining a fixed term exclusion for bullying.

This is shocking. They are human beings and allowed to make mistakes. I went to a strict girls school and don’t remember anything like this- albeit there wasn’t the behaviour management issues of some schools.

the detentions seem to be more to an sufficient for this kind of minor infraction. I really don’t think that there needs to be additional “at home” punishment. And DEFINITELY not taking away her “yoga” / something with genuine medical benefits that helps manage har pain.

let her go to yoga and do your regular Café ritual afterwards. You’ve already taken away two other activities, which is more than enough.

Omg, I'd never get through school nowadays, I fear for my child.

I wouldn’t stop any of it! The detention is the punishment. Productive and healthy activites should not be taken away in punishment !
we aren’t there yet but for serious offences I would take away phone or computer etc
my son is in first school but will also be going to a ‘strict’ middle school and I’m dreading it and considering options

My DS was in high school and he had some detentions but I didn't punish him at home. We talked about how the behaviour would stop and it stopped.

It seems really over the top that she is punished at home. If you do do there is no way I'd stop the yoga as it supports her pain management.

Presumably you are paying for these activities, is the school going to reimburse you?

Like most people, I wouldn’t want my child going to a school like that, and wouldn’t stop any activities either.

School should be encouraging activities, not punishing children.

I don’t think that environment suits everyone, I would seriously think about the damage this could do to a child, to be made feel bad for very minor things that don’t matter anywhere else except this school.

As my sister says, just because someone is wearing a white coat, doesn’t mean they know everything (with regards to doctors) but the same idea, you should use your own head and forget everyone else.

You need to speak to the head and the SENCO and tell them this is unacceptable and if they don't listen, punish them by taking away their prosthetic leg and blood pressure medication.

So basically the school gave her detentions for forgetting a key - once - needing a drink of water between lessons, and wearing a pin in the wrong place. And not only did you go along with the detentions, you agreed further punishment outside of school, and you’re actually considering this batshit teachers’ suggestion that you remove an activity that helps with physical pain - and the choir activity she’s looking forward to so much. That’s just putting the boot in for spite !

OP, when you attended the meeting with the teacher, the right course of action would have been to tell them that you support detention punishments for bad behaviour or infringement of rules etc., but not for stupid, nitpicking reasons that really only warrant a quick word to resolve. I’m all for supporting the school if there is a real problem - the child being disruptive or bullying. But this is way over the top - she’s 9 and all this is designed to do is instil fear as a form of control. You need to support your daughter here because this is way over the top.

l would be making a complaint to the school governors about policy in this area and informing them that you consider any further requests for home punishment in addition to detentions to be overstepping their authority. And I would definitely be reporting that teachers’ suggestion of taking away a therapeutic activity that helps with pain management, just because there’s a chance she might enjoy it. That’s child abuse in my view.

umm. You need to take her out of that school. Now. That’s insane.