To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

The school seems to have a totally inhumane ethos. They should be developing a love of learning and sense of community. OP as many others have said, you need to step up. No child at the school should be punished for forgetting something once. No child should be punished for drinking water, this is such an unhealthy attitude to their bodies. No child should be punished for such a minor uniform violation.
The fact of your child’s disability is an aggravating factor.
But the school’s priorities are so far from what they should be. You have the power to shift that attitude by using your voice as a parent.

Even the bloody detentions are overblown for these minor mistakes, and these are just mistakes! They're not bullying, or not doing homework, or giving the teacher attitude. I wouldn't be removing any of her privileges, the punishment already does not fit the "crime" (which I can't even bloody see) any of these things could have been resolved with a stern word of correction from the teacher.

Christ my son starts school in September, I hope I don't have to deal with this shit. I would be pissed off for being called in to punish my child further for drinking water when thirsty or putting a pin on incorrectly...

sorry but a) ridiculous rules broken b) all minor c) complete over reaction in what they are expecting from you to the point of causing her pain - they might as well bring back the cane

I would fuck it all off and treat the extra detention as enough. No wonder our kids have mental health issues with this sort of regime in schools

Wtaf?
fine if the school want to give detention but that’s punishment enough.
is this a state or private school? As if you are laying die this then I’d honestly stop, pronto! I pay good money for my children to go to school, and punishments and interferences on this level would make me a very unhappy customer!

After reading what your daughter has "done" to deserve detentions, I find the punishment does not fit the crime at all. Your poor dd missing out on so much for simple mistakes!
Please, if this is real, advocate for your daughter
The detentions should be enough (and even then unless repeated actions, shouldn't have taken place).

I'm actually a stickler for rules set by schools but them wanting a say in how the school's punishment should also be an outside/home punishment is totally wrong.

I would tell my DC that I'm not against these rules so don't be thinking I'm on her side when she's in the wrong and she can do as she pleases but you feel shes been punished by the school for going against school rules but her outside activities are exactly that and are for you to decide what she does and when.
The reasons that she's had the school detentions are quite minor, delt with by the school, fine but certainly wouldn't make me feel my DD needs me to add to that particular punishment outside of school.

I clicked YABU by mistake (fat fingers), but you are sooo NOT being unreasonable. The school’s behaviour is ridiculous. Those detentions are ridiculous. Attempting to control the child’s behaviour outside of the school is ridiculous.

@StoppingTheClassDueToDetention I’m probably going to be in the minority here but I think this is downright ridiculous 🙈 maybe stop her deserts and teddy at night as well 🤷‍♀️ she been “ punished” already,
would you like to get hauled up at work then get home to a bolocking from your DP about the same thing 🤷‍♀️ I work in the third sector and have supported loads of “ harder to reach kids” not saying there shouldn’t be consequences ( school have already provided them) but a bit of “ ok you’ve messed up let’s draw a line under it and move on” can in my opinion work wonders. When it comes to things impacting on her health however the teacher should butt right out, think they are already well overstepping the mark.

Tend to agree with this.

Definitely don't stop the yoga thing.

OP, the school can't make you do anything. YABU for agreeing to any of their stupid requests. Don't punish her even more for these petty detentions. Please don't stop her doing the concert, that would be an awful thing to do to her.

DD's secondary also dish out detentions every time they forget a book or are 12 seconds late to class, or don't have a calculator or take their tie off or whatever. I don't care about them any more as they are so petty. Detention should be for serious issues.

Your school sound like DD's who care more about image than anything else. They ring within seconds if they turn up without a blazer or hair that doesn't conform to policy, but won't ring you if you want to discuss real education issues with them like SEN etc.

Don't stop the "yoga" as it is beneficial to her health. The tutor can say what they want, all you need to do is to stand firm and advise them that she won't be missing anything.

Unless bullying or violence was involved I wouldn’t punish a child at home for school issues at all. And as so many others have said, especially when the original ‘offences’ are so minor in nature. I would seriously be rethinking in your shoes if this was the right school for my child at all.

The school punished her and now they are expecting you to punish her too? Way over the top! Nothing wrong with them asking you to back them up, but it's entirely up to you how you choose to discipline your child out of school.

Just to reassure you this damaging behaviour by the school is not the norm at High schools let alone Primary schools.

Yes, much better idea! I definitely would do that!

I agree, 100% she should do this but I do wonder from her post if she is a bit afraid to confront the school over this?

And meanwhile the government sits there scratching its head wondering why attendance rates are at an all time low, especially amongst tweens/teens, and looking for 'solutions' such as attendance hubs and increased fines. Why on earth would any child want to attend a school such as this and why would parents choose it for their children? I get that most parents need to work these days, often just to cover the basics, but I would walk over hot coals to keep my child out of a school like that no matter how convenient the school might be. Free childcare is not a good enough reason imo to put a child through that kind of experience which sounds like a cross between a prison and a boot camp rather than a school. Those poor, poor children having to spend a large part of their childhood in that environment and I wonder how many make it out of there without their mental health being shattered. I actually am still in disbelief that this is a genuine post and astounded (if it is) that a parent would actually blindly go head with what the school is telling them to do. Why are they not protecting and advocating for their child? And I wonder why other parents are not protesting en mass over these Draconian, Victorian rules? Just because something is free doesn't necessarily make it a good thing.
OP you have had your original question answered a thousand times over and I hope that you have the courage to follow through with it.

Yes. I think it's beyond borderline abusive. Definite abuse. The poor child must be so confused. I know my DC would be very scared to drink water and constantly anxious if that were done to him. :(

She should just print off the whole thread and mail it in! Copies to the governors and academy trust executives too. Make them feel as stupid as they clearly are.

@StoppingTheClassDueToDetention - you wrote :
"1 detention was for forgetting her locker key so she couldn't get any of her stuff (they didn't give her a chance to call me to bring it in as a one off I'd do this as I wfh)
1 detention was for being caught drinking out her bottle in the corridor between lessons (drinks only allowed at break and lunchtime)
1 detention for not wearing her houses pin on her tie (it was on her blazer lapel)"

My advice would be to find an alternative location for your DD to learn. None of those would actually stop someone from learning and they are nonsense reasons, picked out by some authoritarian or other just to keep the children under their thumb and not allow the students to express themselves within reasonable uniform rules and regulations.

Why are you allowing your child be exposed to such nonsense rules? I'm gobsmacked and even more so that you would actually be giving strong consideration to punishing her outside of school too for these transgressions.

I’ve had similar with my ds and a particularly dim year head.

i refused after school detentions because ds shirt wasn’t tucked in. The year head blew everything up into a huge deal and I complained to the Head.

do not let this school do this to your dd. Sounds like she has enough going on in her life that is challenging and they’re being ridiculous.

this IS a fight worth having on her behalf

This sbsolutely. Does she have to stay at that school?

She got her punishment in school.

Why are you continuing to punish her out of school? Isn't that overkill??

Leave her to do whatever her activities are outside of school. What she does outside of school is none of the business of the teacher and shouldn't be used as a stick to beat her. Jesus, why would you do that????
As for not allowing her to sing or take part in a concert when she has put so much effort in, is also unnecessary punishment. Let her take part in the bloody concert. She's working towards being part of it and it's a group activity and she would be letting down more than just herself if you withdraw her for that.

What did she do that was so terrible that it warranted 2 lunchtime detentions and an afternoon detention and a chat with you?

How demoralising for your daughter. I thought you were going to say she'd been massively disruptive or bullying not just tiny transgressions to a Draconian regime. I wouldn't cancel any activities or remove privileges. To do so for such tiny errors is borderline abusive to be honest.

That school sounds like a joyless place to be for the students. Depriving children from drinking water between lessons when classrooms can be stuffy is just plain cruel - it’s a basic human right!

Another thought occurs to me.

My daughter started guides where the leaders were very worried about COVID.
Because of this they had a lot of extra rules they wouldn't have had. They had to bring their own chairs so that they didn't catch germs or make the hall chairs a bit germy, blankets as all the windows were open etc.
They had lots of rules about hand sanitizer, how close they could get to their peers. etc...

I thought she was taking it all in her stride but as a perfectionistic child I didn't realise she was getting ever more anxious about forgetting one of the many things she was supposed to bring, including the extra covid rule things. Eventually she dropped out.

With hindsight I wish I'd realised and helped with getting together and remembering all the equipment (I just used to WhatsApp her the lengthy email we used to get each week) because then she might have stuck with it. As it was all the worry over forgetting something got in the way of her enjoyment to the extent she didn't want to go any more.

People are mentioning ADHD but I'm not sure forgetting a key once hits the bar for considering ADHD. A school catering for 9 year olds ought to anticipate that humans make mistakes and have skeleton keys for lockers. The amount of times I've been in gymns and spas where a customer has lost a key or forgotten a pin number and the attendant just opens it for them. Why should it be no big deal for an adult but a massive source of drama for a child?!

A child being made anxious by draconian rules will be made more anxious and more likely to make simple errors, not less.