To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

I can't for the life of me figure out how you can be so blasé. An email? I would have gone in all guns blazing mode and taken her the fuck out of there, they're out of order!

You should, honestly, keep all the out of the school activities and work with the school as just separately. Your child has serious illness and needs to do something with her life

I wouldn’t punish outside of school for any of those things.
kids forget, they need to drink and occasionally they get dressed incorrectly they are at school for guidance and education not stepford training

i'm sorry having read what she got detentions for i'm surprised you didn't defend your daughter in the meeting. she's a little girl. how could you agree to remove anything for drinking water? at 9 my kids wouldn't have remembered locker keys they barely remembers what day it was

sorry but after school detentions for a 9 year old?? what has she done to warrant that? i would tell the school absolutely not and unless she has physically hurt someone or been a bully or something like that i wouldn't remove anything. she's in primary school!!!

Glad to hear that, OP! But why did you seriously think you had to stop these activities as punishment for such trivialities?

I've already commented but this has been on my mind all afternoon as it's so upsetting that a) she is being punished for these things at school and b) her mother is not only supporting the punishment at school but also enforcing further punishments at home c) the appropriate punishment is considered to be taking away EVERYTHING which enriches her life or she enjoys and d) that this should extend to WITHDRAWING SUPPORT WITH HER DISABILITY in order to cause physical pain. OP can you not see that the school is completely in the wrong and you and the school are now working together to abuse your 9 year old child?!

Detention one, forgetting a locker key is NOT bad behaviour, it's being human.
Detention two, she has a human right to drink water when she's thirsty.
Detention three, OK, so her badge was in the wrong place, making that into such a big deal is absurd.

You are her mother, your job is to stand up for HER not for the school. What must this be doing to her self esteem, having the person who is supposed to protect her instead side with the people bullying her like this? Your priorities are all wrong and I feel very angry about it and worried for your daughter that you would allow your judgement to be skewed so badly.

Yes it’s hard to see how the conversation even came about, and why OP was so complicit in agreeing to the teacher’s instructions on following up with further sanctions at home. So much so that OP came on here to ask our permission to not impose a punishment which would actively worsen her DD’s physical health.

Did the teacher take OP aside and say, ‘Mrs Stopping, we need to discuss your daughter’s terrible behaviour’? If it had been me, I think I would have found it hard to keep a straight face on hearing what the terrible behaviour was!

Your daughter has a weekly physio session. If she thinks of it as an after school activity fine, but in reality it is physio.

There is no reason to cancel medical treatment, even if it held as an after school activity.

You can ask for a medical exemption on the water, and I would do that if I were you. I also think all of those rules are stupid, so I wouldn't be reinforcing them at home anyway. I'm a teacher, so I have to enforce uniform rules but I don't think they're a big enough issue to warrant extra punishment at home. Being disruptive or not completing work at school or home, absolutely, but not for those rules.

Like many have said, I wouldn't stop any of her activities for so minor things. I would probably move her school if it was possible (understand it may not be). The school is ridiculous. It's like you send her to the army rather than a school. I would probably also tell my kid that the school is being ridiculous to ensure she understands that where she puts a pin is not at all important in the grand schene of life!

The detentions are for ridiculous reasons as it is, especially for a 9 year old. I would not be removing any of her activities or her phone. I would only consider additional punishment out of school if it was something serious such as violence or bullying but even then I wouldn't stop an activity that is needed for a medical condition. The school sounds awful, I'd be considering moving my child. Punishment for having a drink is crazy! As is a form tutor urging you to do something that is likely to result in your child being in pain. Some schools would be reporting you to SS if you withdrew an activity needed for a medical condition as punishment.

I'm all for running a tight ship but this sounds more like a cult than a school. OP is worryingly relaxed about accepting their bullshit as the norm because they "wear a blazer"!

What next?! School says "no chocolate at Easter from Granny". School says "up at 5am and a cold shower".
I'm genuinely interested (concerned!) what happens there for more serious misdemeanours?!
Off the point, but I'm kind of sad the girl couldn't participate in a concert because it fell on a day her Dad had her. Wouldn't he support her?

All utterly trivial.

I thought maybe she was going to be caught drinking alcohol, but water in the corridor 🤪🤣🤣.

Where is there to go to from there for behaviour which actually warrents a detention?!

Let your little girl enjoy all her outside school activities. The school have exercised the discipline they felt they had to by issuing detentions and probably best not to undermine the school/teachers, but you don't have to let it spill over into happy home life. How is it in anyway a logical consequence? Bizzarre.

Add my voice to the chorus of disbelief and disgust at the school.

I went to a ridiculously strict Presbyterian school in the 80s and 90s and even they wouldn't have given detentions to year 5s for simple stuff like this, let alone encouraging out of school sanctions for a badge being in the wrong spot or having forgotten a bit of kit.

What your dd has done sounds developmentally normal - detentions would be incredibly demotivating and could be damaging and would cause stress making it more likely that things would be forgotten in future ie making the problem worse. The school sounds insane. I agree with other posters who say don't punish - there are better ways to get kids to remember things. I would be advocating to the school that they review their detention policy.

If you look at ahaparenting.com, the psychologist who writes it explains in detail why punishment can be damaging and is unlikely to be effective. The author is a clinpsych. It might be worth having a look and bringing the psych aspects to the attention of the school. Sorry if someone else has already said this haven't RFT.

I agree . The detention is enough . No outside activity should be curtailed . If there was bullying or physical assault then that could be different and advice could be useful . But for minor misdemeanour . No way .

For these apparent “crimes”
I’d def NOT be punishing my dc by withholding phone (other than usual boundaries) or extra curriculars

all totally ridiculous

Sorry but this is absolutely ridiculous. I can't believe you are going along with this.

Given those reasons I’d be allowing her to continue as normal at home.

wtf- drinking water in the corridor? FWIW, I have a chronic illness and painkillers make me thirsty so I’d be using that as an excuse 🤷‍♀️

What has she actually done to deserve this level of punishment? The school sounds really over the top to be honest. The detention is supposed to be the punishment, you shouldn't have to add additional punishments at home.

Is your child in school or the marines?

Everything about this sounds insane.

I'm always suspicious of school settings that treat kids with fewer rights than we enjoy as adults at work/in relationships.

In this case, personally I would ignore the school if it’s for medical reasons that would end it for me, your daughter did something to get detention, but that doesn’t mean she should be an actual pain because of it, that’s just ridiculous.

Depending on what she did, maybe a chat about that would be more appropriate.