To not stop this activity even though school asked me to?

@Merryoldgoat Well, that was kind of my point - if I dealt with every “pin in the wrong position” level of uniform infraction in my classes, the bell would ring before I’d got any teaching done. There can’t be that many schools that are like this, surely?

The school are insanely strict, I can't see why any of that warranted a detention, possibly a demerit but honestly even that seems harsh for wearing a badge on her lapel instead of her tie.. at 9 years old!!!! What on earth is their objective here? Its just punishment for punishment sake.

Edited to add that OP should insist her DD has some kind of drinking pass - but agree with others that she shouldn’t need one because all children should be allowed to drink.

The only thing I’d be taking her out of is that school, they sound ridiculously harsh. Why on earth would you punish at home for wearing a house pin in the wrong place, having the temerity to have a drink, forgetting something once??

Everytime I see shit like this I'm more and more glad we chose home Ed!

Not only would I not be cancelling any outside activities or removing her phone (school punishments are carried out at school imo) but I'd of told them where to poke the after school one too

Yes you sign up for the school rules but for those kind of infractions I would expect the after school detention to be the only consequence

I would expect a “don’t do it again” to be the only consequence, even in secondary. Except the pin, for which I would expect no consequence because no sane person would even notice, and the drinking, because that’s a basic physiological need.

Oh yes she had a sip of water and forgot to bring something in. Let's call in the child psychologists!

Wtf?! Detention is the punishment- unless it’s something really bad, why would further punish her?! And the school cannot tell you how to parent, that’s ludicrous

I wouldn’t stop any of it! No one else dictates the loss of activities. I hope she isn’t part of a team that will mean she’s showing less commitment to that too.

Honestly, she’s 9! School have already punished her !!!!
why she needs 3 activities removed, a phone removed to prove a point is beyond me!

YANBU (except in agreeing to punish your daughter with regard to extra-curricular activities at all)

Firstly, if someone gets a detention, THAT is the punishment. Parents should not be expected to impose extra punishments.

Secondly, the offences are relatively minor. I had thought that you were going to say that your dd was being punished for bullying or vandalism or at the very least for chronic disruptiveness in lessons. What will the school have left to impose if a child does do something really serious?

Thirdly, I am quite shocked that the school is prepared to deprive a child of an activity that helps to treat her pain. (It would not surprise me BTW if your dd is sometimes a bit forgetful just BECAUSE she is in pain.) Schools are quite rightly banned from imposing corporal punishment - but denying a child a treatment that helps her pain is in essence corporal punishment, and more cruel in its effects than a smack on the hand or bottom would normally be.

Who does this teacher think she is, Miss Trunchbull?

I'd be looking for another school.

I think the punishments are a side issue. It's more important to get to the bottom of why she's getting so many detentions. Something isn't right somewhere.

Sorry, I’m explaining this very badly!

I am defending OP against the posters who are asking why she isn’t doing more to protest against these rules. It sounds like she had little choice but to send her child there and isn’t able to remove her now, but equally I’m not sure that questioning the rules will result in the school changing them. So maybe the best thing to do would be to protect her child from further punishment by making sure she knows exactly what is a detention-able offence, while also making it very clear to her DD that she doesn’t agree with the rules herself.

@ZebraDanios

Because these schools use their power to keep parents off property, don’t return calls, refer to policies etc and treat children like an annoyance to be quelled.

Parents have the fight worn out of them by all the shit they’re dealing with anyway that this is just one more thing to ‘leave’.

Do you think the kids at fee paying are worrying about this shit? You know what happens when a child isn’t in correct uniform where I work? Nothing.

’Sam - you’re wearing trainers. Please don’t wear them again or I’ll have to contact your parents’ and on goes the lesson.

Detentions are saved for fighting, bullying, extreme rudeness and serious matters. No one has the fucking time to be checking where your badges are.

I think all of those reasons are absolutely rubbish reasons to give a child detention in the first place and definitely none of them are any reason at all for your child to be punished outside school as well. She has not disrupted a lesson, she has not littered or damaged any property, she has not been horrible to anyone or hurt anyone or any of the more serious things there might be a case for this for...but even if she had, I am really sure that most child mental health experts would tell you the absolute WORST thing you could do to a child who is getting in to trouble at school is take away things they enjoy out of school..those things could be a lifeline for some kids. Honestly, if you want an easy advice I would tell them you are doing what they ask but then just not do it, otherwise just tell them you are not doing it...

I'm confused, so it was the OPs fault for sending her daughter to the school when she should have known this would happen and now its also the OPs fault for not being angry enough?

But not the schools fault?

I agree the OP should be angrier. But that doesn't mean that the whole "devil's advocate" maybe its her fault in the first place was ever going to help, as it could just make her doubt herself more, so how is that appropriate?

I work in a secondary school and we wouldn’t give detentions for those misdemeanours. It sounds horrific. No way should you be taking school punishments home. Let her do the yoga and the tutor can do one. Way too harsh for this age.

YANBU - The "yoga" is physical therapy, which is not a frivolous fun activity but a medically necessary one, so no yanbu to refuse to cancel it, regardless of what your DD has done. Even if your DD had done something truly awful to deserve a detention, she also still deserves to not be left in physical pain which withdrawing from the "yoga" would cause.

Regardless of that, the infractions that she has got the detention for seem very petty. Yes you sign up for the school rules but for those kind of infractions I would expect the after school detention to be the only consequence - I would not be withdrawing my DD from out of school activities because she forgot a key once, drank some water at the wrong time and wore a badge in the wrong place and I would not be happy if the school expected me to do so, especially when the withdrawal from activities, taking of tech etc is not a proportional consequence for the "crime" and becomes punitive for the sake of it.

If DD was supposed to have an after school activity on the day of the detention that she had to miss then yes I would support that because the consequence of her actions (IE committing enough infractions, however small, to earn a detention) have directly lead to the activity being missed but I would not be actively cancelling everything on other days just because the school wants her punished further. Not only that but I have paid for all of DDs activities so it is my decision as to whether she attends - unless the school were going to reimburse me for the missed sessions due to their punishment policy then they have zero say over what my DD does outside of school hours.

If the detention was for something actually worth punishment - repeatedly not doing homework, being rude to teachers, being disruptive in classes, fighting or bullying etc then I would 100% support the school if they broached the subject of out of school sanctions on top of detention. Those behaviours are not acceptable from DD whether she is in or out of school so consequences both at school and at home will reinforce that and discourage it from being repeated, but I would expect the school to respect my final decision as a parent as to which activities were non-negotiable in that decision.

There's no way in the world I'd punish my child for any of that.

No, you’re quite right, but then why isn’t OP angrier? I also agree with posters who are saying that no child, regardless of medical issues, should be given a detention for drinking.

What is the most baffling thing of all about this whole thread is why so many parents are - presumably - agreeing with any of this. It’s unfair on everyone.

I’m guessing she must have had some idea how strict the school was before joining so I’m not sure she has much of a leg to stand on.

I'm pretty sure the OP didn't know she was signing up to a school that including discrimination against disabled pupils and trying to force them to suffer more pain as part of their policies though

I honestly don’t know what fucking world or job these schools think they’re preparing children for.

I have been working for over 20 years and could drink, go to the loo and wear accessories as I saw fit.

If a teacher told me my dd had been given detention for having a drink of water, they'd hear me on the other side of the school.

I don't understand why some are talking about medical exemptions, "drinking passes" and such, all children are entitled to access to drinking water at all times, regardless of disabilities. This is a human rights issue.

I'd be making complaints to the school and threatening further action unless they change their policy.

At my DC's Primary and Secondary they can drink water whenever they like and I think that is pretty universal from what I hear. Schools also have a duty to provide reasonable adjustments for DC with SEND - they don't have to have a formal plan. If the school needs extra funding to meet the DC's needs they can apply for an EHCP (education, health and care plan).

Just playing devil’s advocate here…

I 100% agree that detentions for these “offences” are absolutely outrageous. As I mentioned earlier, I would not be able to enforce them as a teacher myself and still be able to sleep at night.

But to defend OP for not protesting more: I’ve seen plenty of stories where a child is put in isolation for a tiny uniform infraction (bows on socks, skirt from Asda and not the official supplier, that sort of thing) and the response is usually “you knew the rules when you signed up, you can’t complain now”. If a parent protests in these circumstances they’re invariably accused of being entitled, not teaching their children the importance of rules, and basically causing the collapse of civilisation by asking why their child was sent home from school for wearing socks that were dark grey rather than black.

As ridiculous as the rules OP talks about are, I’m guessing she must have had some idea how strict the school was before joining so I’m not sure she has much of a leg to stand on. The best course of action might be to ask for an extensive list of every possible transgression that could result in a detention so they can avoid it happening again, and tell the school that yes of course they’re stopping her after-school activities while actually doing nothing of the sort. But, OP, I do think you should make it very clear to your DD that you don’t agree with the rules yourself and that she didn’t deserve the detentions (assuming you do think that, of course!).

School is overstepping. I wouldn't be enforcing any extra punishment and would push back for the school issuing detention for those minor infractions. Why are you supporting them?!