To be furious at my MIL for cleaning our living room

She sounds horrifically controlling. I would never let her in the house unaccompanied again.

I think this is your husbands issue. He was right there. The excuse of he was outside or on a work call so didn’t know, doesn’t cut it. What did he think she was doing. He clearly was aware. As was your fil and let her crack on.

to be honest though, I’d just leave her the ironing and let her clean. Get your husband to put any furniture back. Clean house, no effort for you.

I wonder what prompted her to ask whether you are angry at her. Did FIL or DH tell her off already or does she intuitively know that she's been out of order?

Clearly it is not your job to entertain her.
But I am suggesting that she is mentally ill. Nothing you have described is normal. How old is she? What does she do all day? Does she seem cognitively intact?
Not making any attempt to engage socially is not normal. And not able to go shopping on her own?
Where does her OH stand on all this? Is he a caring man, or does he just shrug his shoulders when she behaves like this?
I have a deep aversion to online mental health diagnoses, but this woman is not well and needs some help.

She’s playing an unconscious psychological game with you. Look up “I’m only trying to help you” (Berne/ TA) and the Drama Triangle, and you’ll see she’s getting a massive kick out of the circus she’s creating and the favourite role of Victim that it allows her to occupy. Refuse to step into the role of Persecutor. Being mad with her will only give her more of what she wants.

Oh god I'd have to do like for like and rearrange some things at hers saying, oh I thought it was the done thing, Susan!

Sounds like she’s got plenty of time on her hands. Is she bored and lonely? But also manipulative, trying to stir things up.
your DH should be dealing with this, I’d not want her in my house.

People will snipe at you for being ungrateful, but they fail to understand that not listening to boundaries people set is one of the most disrespectful things you can do. It's a "I know better/I don't care about what you want" state of mind.

she mowed my wildflower meadow in the front garden, because "you don't want those ugly weeds in front". That would have had me absolutely incandescent.

She has form for ironing my clothes (destroying them in the process) That would too.

*tears and with statements like "but I only want to help" and "I didn't want to do anything wrong" Pure manipulation.

text messages all saying "I hope you're not angry with me" She knows very well that you are angry.

Putting a photo of herself in front of the one of your parents is not someone trying to help. It’s someone making a statement and marking territory in your house. She must have brought that photo over with the intention of doing that.

You and dh will just have to get very tough. Either she is not left unsupervised for a single second in your house, or she isn’t allowed through the door, even if that means excluding FIL. Ignore the whining and the scolding from her brothers. Say to her “No MIL, I am not going to let you do this again. You persistently do things we’ve told you not to do in OUR home. You have damaged things. Never again”. And stand firm against the whinging and tears. She’s crying only from self pity.

Have you posted before about her? There have been previous posts about a MIL feeding a dog things he isn’t meant to have, trying to make him like her.

I bought a 2 way pet cam pretty cheaply, get one and then shout at her through it next time she touches your stuff.

@StopTheBusINeedAWeeWeeAWeeWeeBagOChips Genius!!!

Don't put your room back. Redirect some of that anger to your husband. He can tidy up and explain to his mum that due to her continued behaviour she is no longer welcome in your home. He can invite her out for lunch / coffee and suggest some voluntary work.
You disengage.

Now she's blasting me with text messages all saying "I hope you're not angry with me" and "I've just tidied up a bit". I've ignored her so far, don't even know what I should answer so it it doesn't turn into a huge drama with her in the leading role of Victim. She still doesn't understand that she did something wrong, it's like talking to a teenager

She does understand what shes doing. Shes doing it on purpose to piss you off. And shes texting asking if your angry because she wants you to reply saying you are, so she can cry about you being mean to her again 🤦‍♀️

I'd block her number and not engage with her at all at this point, sounds like shes been terrorising you for years

She understands perfectly that what she's done is wrong and going to cause upset but she doesn't give a shit. The multiple text messages are poking the bear. I wouldn't give her the reaction she's looking for but she wouldn't be setting foot on my property again in a hurry.

She wants attention really, either gushing thanks or drama she can martyr herself over. I think I'd go with
"No, not angry - we know you struggle with boundaries and inappropriate behaviour, so more disappointed than anything. All put back in place now, but its best you don't come over unless we're both in to avoid a repeat in future".

Why are some people saying they would have her? Would you like your furniture and cupboards rearranged, laundry ruined, photos replaced, garden ruined? Do you not understand boundaries?

And the poster asking whether the lounge needed cleaning, who cares whether it did. If a room needs cleaning you don't rearrange it how you would like it at the same time

To ruin your clothes??

Me too

I have a MIL who cleans and tidies if left unsupervised. I'm sure she thinks I'm dreadfully slovenly but rather than getting angry/upset I try to think that it has saved me a job and is cheaper than a cleaner (even if I never would have done it myself).

I will sound off to my Mum who normally laughs and suggests sending MIL over to visit her!

I would reply “The fact you’ve sent me multiple texts to check if I’m angry shows you are aware you’ve overstepped the mark again MIL. I’m not angry but I do think it’s best you aren’t left unattended in my house any more as you can’t seem to control the urge to do things DH and I have explained we do not want or need you to do.” Then honestly I’d block and let your DH deal with his mum.

Have you tried the upset rather than angry approach. Burst into tears when she mows your meadow.

Go buy her a hamster, then she can clean that out and feel needed by it only half joking

I would be furious too op, but you are doing the right thing by not replying and leaving it until you've calmed down.

I bought a 2 way pet cam pretty cheaply, get one and then shout at her through it next time she touches your stuff.

She needs some boundaries, and fast.

It’s incredibly difficult in circumstances like this, when someone does exactly what they want, under the guise of “helping”- you end up looking difficult, ungrateful, and aggressive if you disagree with their efforts. My mother in-law has the same personality, although she’s never been quite bold enough to move my furniture around.

Send the hideous photo frame back to her saying "not to my taste" and shove the photo in a drawer

Tell DH to tell her that she's not welcome in your home as she cannot stop moving your stuff despite repeated requests not to.

I'd die on this hill.

On the MIL is bored, lonely…does she know about U3A? Ideal for people like her to make some actual friends and go along to a few things that might develop an interest for her?
maybe have a look in her area and start dropping information to her…

but, other than that yep she’s bang out of order…”I only want to be useful” is a simple reply of “you are being unhelpful as it causes me stress and additional work. Find somewhere where your help will be appreciated- it isn’t in my home”

Ask her not to come over..or don't answer the door. A bit difficult if fil brings her ...and you get along with him.
And what's the story of the brothers. Why is she whining to them ?
Don't take any of their shit either...I wouldn't. God it makes me so fucking mad on your behalf.