To be furious at my MIL for cleaning our living room

Urgh. Totally agree with others saying ignore her texts. Even the new one about lunch. If it escalates just say your phone isn’t working properly. Ignore any BS from her brothers, too.

She clearly won’t respond to more chats or reminders about not touching things, so I’d just ensure she doesn’t come to the house for as long as possible and then only when she can be 100% supervised.

Your DH needs to keep backing you all the way. And mostly, she needs to get a grip of herself and stop wasting her life. There are a kazillion charities and organisations that need volunteers.

She's awful, and I'm a bit awful too as I literally LOLed at her putting her own photo of her and her son in front of a photo of your parents in your house.

Definitely best response is not to reply, she knows she overstepped and wants you to be cross so she can tell her brothers how horrid you are to her.

Sounds as if your husband is on your side, which is good as he'll have to supervise her all the time she's there in future, though ideally all meetings away from your house in future. He won't be able to tell her she's not welcome because there'll be massive drama, just each time they invite themselves, he says it suits him better to visit them, and do this each time.

If they turn up unannounced you don't have to open the door. If they see you're in and ring, you don't have to answer - your husband can text her later and say you were having romantic couple time, again every time.

Avoid her as much as you can, she's looking for drama, starve her of it and she can start in on one of her sisters in law.

Stay resolute and continue to ignore her.

Don't answer her. She's desperate for a response. Personally I'd block her number so I didn't have to read her shit.

And she would not be crossing my threshold again.

You are in a pissing competition OP, have you checked the carpets, she probably pisses in the corners every time to mark her territory! and spits on your pillow case 😂
Trying to deal with dysfunctional drama addicts is pointless and exhausting. You are a stronger calmer person than me, I would have tarred and feathered her by now.

I'd have hit the fucking roof about the wildflowers. How dare she?

If your DH can't stand up to his mother and put a stop to her nonsense, I would be refusing to spend time with her at all. She knows what she's doing.

I totally agree with this in terms of it being a healthy way to set boundaries. But it’s clear the OP has implemented boundaries and narcissists will not let you put in boundaries with them. I have a MIL who is a covert narcissist and she’s lost when there’s no drama and she can’t play the victim. We went in with strong boundaries, it went nuclear, held onto hope and boundaries but eventually had to go no contact for two years. So you’re right, I missed that step because of my own experience. It is a really important step and OP’s DH has to do it and make decisions about next step. But i tell you now, it will not work. A narcissist will not allow you to put in a boundary

You don’t have to reply though. Who cares if she thinks you’re rude…she doesn’t care about you or your feelings clearly.

Personally I think I’d have to say she is no longer allowed in your home. Maybe keep that in place for 6 months then see what happens after that. You’ve described multiple situations where she has not just been annoying and rude but really invaded your privacy.

Don’t speak to her brothers if they call. I’d respond to them with “she hadn’t respected our home and so she can’t visit until she can learn to respect our space and be polite In our home” then Hang up and don’t answer any future calls .

Thing is she is being allowed by everyone to act in this self centred rude way. It’s ridiculous

OP believe me, she knows what she’s doing, she is attention seeking. That’s why she keeps doing it. She doesn’t even really mind when you get upset with her because it just gives her an opportunity to extend her three act play and get others involved. Do not respond.

She is bored and wants to pick a fight with you.
Hence pinging you "hoping she didn't do anything wrong and you are not mad', regardless the fact you took the higher road and didn't tell her off. She knows very well what she has done.
Well done to you.
Just ignore it, she just enjoys arguing.

Keep ignoring her! Or simply text back: DH ate it all.

She sounds like an absolute nightmare. Who cares if she goes crying to her brothers – your DH needs to put them straight that she oversteps boundaries all the time and you've both had enough of it.

wats dh take on this-had a go at her but was it dont do that mum

he needs to tell er now shes not welcome anymore as she wont listen

Nothing can be as bad as my mum, who stripped our living room wallpaper, chose something else and put it up, all while I was at work….😳

Be aware, it’s not always easy volunteering. It needs commitment from the get go, and a commitment to defined hours. If she has the drive to volunteer she’d have done so before to feel “useful”
this women has poor self esteem and is living her life and rewards through her son and brothers- she wants their attention and appreciation even when she’s crying about being misunderstood

hemce why U3A may be a better option. She can drop in and out, needs very little firm commitments, she can try a whole bunch of things. She needs the validation of friendships, companies and feeling useful in a way that won’t actually have to be a full commitment

I need to know more

Get a cheap security camera and set it up when she's due round, watch via your phone then if she starts moving things etc shout to her via the camera

I think the pp who said "we know you struggle with boundaries and inappropriate behaviour" has the right idea. Maybe a bit of "concern" over this?

At least she didn't re-decorate in her taste... that's happened in my family more than once...

Tell the dreadful busy body that if she wants to come to your house again, she will stop with the incessant need to interfere. If she can’t then she is no longer welcome.
I despise people like this.

I would be popping that back to her in the post with a note.

did you accidentally leave this behind the other day, it’s not ours so am assuming it is yours.

I don't think this is right. I think firm clear boundaries with associated consequences are needed.

i.e. "If you do this again you will be barred from visiting for X number of months."

Then when she cries say "I told you and you did it anyway. You knew what you were doing. See you in X months" and DH has to say it and enforce it.

She’s a covert narcissist. She will continue to do wildly inappropriate things to evoke your anger so she can play the victim. That’s the attention that feeds her. Don’t give her what she wants. What she’s doing is absolutely wild! I would go no contact she will never change. Putting in stronger boundaries she will dine out on. She wants the anger so I think that needs to be hidden. Agree about playing around with that and maybe playing the victim yourself.

Hi OP, I think you need to get your DP up on his hind legs. She's never going to cave until he stands up to her. I've been there.

I think you might be an evil genius!

Just ignore it. You'll be called ungrateful whatever you do. I know it's hard but you have to get past caring about she thinks or says or what her interfering brothers think or say. You either accept being bullied and manipulated by this woman or you stand up to her and shut her out of your home.